advice needed please

[bunny]

hi. i need some help. ive come ccross this site by accident and im really hoping you can hep me.
im 22 weeks pregnant and im really unhappy.

my partner is controlling me and i wish i wasnt pregnant by him but i am and theres nothing i can do about that. i didnt find out i was expecting unitil i was 3 months.

my partner has been violent in the past, i no longer see my family, i no longer see my friends, he doesnt want me to and so i dont know where to turn. im scared of him, i do love him but i wish he would kick me out so i could be on my own with my baby i know wed be better off without him.

i dont have any friends at all, i have nobody to talk to and im scared that if i leave he will try and take our baby from me. i need to know his rights on this, can he take my baby away from me? what if nobody beieves anything i say? everyone thinks he is wonderful, that he would never do anything to hurt me. hes so charming when he needs to be and im terrified he could get custody of my baby, even hurt me if i tel him i dont want to be with him anymore.

i have had depression since i was 15, could he use this against me and say im an unfit mother? what am i supposed to do? i wish we could just be normal but i cant see that ever happening so i need to be aware of my rights as a mother. if i leave i will have nowhere to live, could he use this against me?

help.

 

[Charlotte & Emily]

hiya hun
im sorry you are feeling like this
you shouldnt have to put up with your partner being violent and horrible to you!
There are places you can go to escape him i.e. hostels.
Dont worry, your partner wont be able to take your baby from you, i know of mums who take drugs etc. and still have won rights to their children.
The court always put the mother first.
He cannt use your depression against you and people will believe you.
There are too many men out there like this!!

If you ever need to chat, you can always PM me xx

 

[laetitia85]

you've come to the right place. there are wonderful ladies you can talk to on here. My advice would be: whatever happens, make sure you have a healthy pregnancy as the baby has become a priority for now. Stay away from stress cuz babies feel it. I suggest you talked to your man about how you feel. Start putting your foot down, don't let him have the last say all the time. tell him you're pregnant and he has no right to be controlling or violent towards you. In fact he should respect you regardless. If you think that your boyfriend is just TOO much for you to take in at this stressful time, you have the right to leave him, or at least take a break until he's changed his ways. You're about to become a mother, you need to be around people who will treat you good. It's not easy to just leave your partner, trust me I know, but sometimes we've gotta do what's best, especially if you're carrying a baby.

 

[bunny]

thankyou for your replies. ive read up a lot on controlling men and i dont think theres much chance of him changing, if i try and talk to him he will fly off the handle so im going to get in touch with the womens refuge or similar and get some information.

thankyou again

 

[Riley's Mommy]

oh hun. you dont need to put up with that. start again away from him, just you and your Lil one.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Unfortunately hun I think you are right about him not changing, and if talking to him about how you feel is likely to cause a violent episode then please dont, you are better off leaving him now.

I speak from experience and lost a baby boy at 32 weeks because of a very similiar situation, I would hate to see it happen to anyone else, I spent so long telling myself I should have left earlier.

There is a lot of help available out there for women in your situation, you do not have to stay, and you do not have to worry about your rights or what he can or cant do.

Please let us know how you get on, we are all here for you and you can come on here to offload and ask for advice anytime. Of course feel free to PM me if you want to talk in more detail privately.

Your not alone hun

 

[mum2A&L]

can't say much more than echo everyone elses responses.

we are always just a post / pm away

take care of yourself & LO

 

[trixipaws]

do u not hav a close relative who u can talk to? regarding his and ur rights on custody etc i'd suggest go to citizens advice or see ur gp. sorry i cant be any further help.

 

[Happybunny]

Everyone has given very sound advice! I wont add any more, but please put yourself and your baby first, you are so important!!

Lots of love and hugs to you, it sounds like a really difficult situation

Michelle
xx

 

[frangelle]

Could you not get in touch with your family and go back there? Will they be supportive if you explain all to them.

Its very sad anyone has to put up witht his, but a child should not be brought into such a destructive relationship anyways. You and more importantly your baby MUST come first, Please seek outside help and tell someone. If not for you, then for your baby.



Hope you manage to sort it out hun, really I do
xxxx

 

[lozzi]

depression DOESNT go against you, i have had depression in the form of PTSD to the extent i was hospitilised. After speaking to many people, they have ALL said it will make NO difference. Unless you are a risk to the baby now, then there is nothing he can do. Also it ISNT him who can judge that a social worker would.

You sound like a resonsible woman.


Leave him hun adn get to a refuge, if you go to your local housing and say you need to go into a womans refuge, they'll sort it out for you.


I am so anti violent men. These men NEVER change. But its for you to walk away from it hun, no matter what we say, its your choice ultimately. But if i was you id be gone.

Its your unborn child that needs its mummy to protect it.


If you need someone to talk to then PM me...

 

[tots hope]

If you are wanting advice on housing etc... i would contact your local citisens advice centre (CAB) and they might be able to direct you in the right direction. If they are not able to help contact your local Town Hall and explain your situation and they might also be able to help. Sorry i can't help any further but hope it works out for you and the baby x