What should I do?

[Miracle babe]

I'm sure this must be such a stupid question
5 years ago I suffered an ectopic pregnancy and had to have it terminated. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and it lasted from November through to january before my hcg levels came down. After that I was told I couldnt have any more children so the arrival of Rowan in Sept 2006 was a blessing.
The thing is I have always treasured the pregnancy test from that pregnancy and have never ever been able to get rid of it as I felt that was all I had to prove the existence of that child - I believe it was a little girl although I cant really tell you why. The thing is I now dont know whether or not I should still keep it as it is a sad memory and I now have so much to be thankful for. We are hoping to move and I'm wonderiing whether or not I should just leave that sadness behind me and move on. Does anyone have any advice on what I could or should do with it, for the last 5 years that test was my last hope of a child and I couldnt bare to part with it but with the arrival of Rowan so much pain has been healed.

 

[fynemum]

Congratulations on the birth of Rowan..

About your question, I have kept things that remind me of the children i created but left me to grow in heaven, Everyone is different, everyone has their own way of dealing with loss.
My first angel was 17 years ago, I only have scan photos of her with her brother to prove she even existed, Although I don't need proof.... it is something that i found helped others in my family understand just how much she means to me still. My son has grown knowing he had a twin, and if he wishes to look at the scan pics then they are there for him.

My other loss after that one i don't have any scan pics, or the test stick, nothing, just my own memory, but i wish i had something physical i could touch or look at, Then my last one in October 06 I kept everything pee stick, scan pics, even my hospital bracelets, some knitted cardi's.
I don't need to look at them, they are away in a corner in the loft, somewhere i know i can physically touch of look at them if i ever need too.

Now 17 years is a long time....and i go many many years without looking at the pics.... but i get comfort in having them.

I hope this helps? makes sense...just my way of moving on....healing.
Lv Yvonne xx

 

[tracey 2]

ah huni its not a silly question at all

Its a hard one and can understand what you mean i dont think i will be of much help to you but you just need to think of and and do whats best for you, if it was me personally i would move on and try and leave it all behind but im not you and im only saying what i would do, at the end of the day hun its you that to make that choice.

I still have both of my pregnancy tests and can find myself throwing them away yet but its still recent for me and i may or may not have down the line.

I dont think you will ever be able to totally put everything behind you as it only natural to have days to sit and remember your angel and maybe you could keep her memory alive if you wanted by writing letters or lighting a candle every so often so you can put it behind you but not totally forgetting.

At the end of the day hun its your choice, take care and im sorry if i havent been much help, PM anytime you need to chat all.

 

[budge]

keep it miracle.
put it in a special place where you can't see it all the time - like up in the loft or something. Then if you do want to see it you can.
thats what id do anyway.

 

[Happybunny]

Hi Honey,

I am so sorry for your loss, it must have been a very sad time. In truthfullness, nobody can really answer this question but you. we can perhaps tell you what we might do in the situation, however, we all act and feel very differently.
An idea maybe to make a baby box, like happy-chick is doing. You can put any reminders of your baby in there. then it is up to you what to do...you could lock it and then store it away. You will always have it there if you want to look at it, but it is away from your every day life and not a constant reminder of your loss.
It is good to have memories, good and sad. I have a large memory box with momentoes from my life since I was about 12/3. I have wonderfully funny letters, photos etc and things like memorial tributes to friends and relatives who have passed.
I look in my box only once every few years when i find whilst tidying. It brings me a lot of joy and a few tears. It is good to remember, these people were once part of our lives and although their passing is sad, it is right to remember and mourn their loss.
Once I have looked at the box, I put it away and life continues as happy as before.
remembering sad things does not mean that you can't lead a lovely happy life with your gorgeous son.
Whether you keep your test or dispose of it....you will have your own memories of your pregnancy and your child...getting rid of an object will not remove those memories. You are not morbid for remembering your child, you are not being silly either because you feel you have nothing to be sad about anymore. It was a very sad event for you and sometimes it does us good to look back at sad moments to help us appreciate the goodness in our lives.
I am glad that you are feeling so positive now and that you have a beautiful, healthy son. it gives me hope to know that such happiness can come ffrom such sadness.
Much love and hugs
Michelle
xxxx

 

[happy-chick]

Hiya hun,

Congratulations on the birth of Rowan!

I would say keep it. I threw away my tests thinking i didnt need them anymore and I do wish Id kept them now so that I could have put them in my memory box.

It think to be honest its down to personal choice, you will make a decision that is right for you for the right reasons.

Good luck hun xxxxxx