zebrastripes said:
That's exactly the way i see it. I'm a staunch atheist,and there's no way i'm ever belonging to anybody,so what gives?
You sound like me 20 years ago
TBH with all the best intentions in the world a relationship can fall apart, married or not. I think in this day and age marriage is almost a disposable commodity and people marrying in front of God when they don't really actual follow the faith is hypocritical. I think people with a genuine belief might be more inclined to attempt to make a marriage work. But it has to be there on both sides.
Divorce is almost too easy and it often strikes me that people decide to call it quits before really attempting to see if things can be repaired. Of course there are some cases where a marriage or partnership has broken down beyond all repair, but I think its down to compatibility and peoples ability to talk about any issues and problems rather than letting them simmer and build up. People can grow apart, but you also have to see it as people can continue to grow together, even if they retain their independance within the marriage. Its not about becoming a Stepford wife. Too often the expectations after a wedding are Mr & Mrs so and so and people have spent so long focusing on planning a big wedding or some such they have lost sight of the relationship. For me its about working at getting the basics right for the rest to be able to fall in to place.
Times have changed and what would have been frowned upon 30 years ago is now accepted that no one really bats an eyelid. Its a shame. Of course people should not stay together simply for their children, but I do feel that once children are involved, both parents have a responsibility to do the best by their kids.
Alas in todays society we have busy lifestyles, long working hours and less quality family time. We are more spread out from our own families, don't have the support network and women are more equal to men nowadays in the workplace and so on. All those factors and more I feel have contrubuted to the soaring divorce rates. And once a generation has grown up with it, it becomes something they see as normal and the pattern continues.
I never used to think I'd marry. But over the years as I gained life experience, did my own thing, went overseas and lived for myself I began to feel more accepting of the possibility of marriage one day. I think had I married in my 20's it would have not worked out as I had things I wanted to do. My life to live before I started living it with someone else. Same with having children. I felt I wanted my life first. Before having the responsibility of bringing someone else into it. To be able to have an understanding of what I had done and experienced to pass on to my kids. Rather than feeling like I had finished education, got a job, met the man, married him and had kids and then turned round at 30 and asked 'Is this it?' I've never asked that as I had 15 or so years on my terms and my terms alone before meeting a man I felt comfortable with and could see myself growing with. A man I felt would make a good father and partner in life. I could have married a few men before that, but looking back realise it would never have worked in the long term with them. From both sides it would have failed badly at some point.
Where I am now, where my husband is, we are on the same page. We work at trying to remain that way. We don't assume it'll always be ok, but we appreciate our commitment and hence why we were so low key with our wedding. We didn't want to lose sight of us so kept it very small. That we simply got on as we had been before and nothing really changed for us. No 'married life' expectations, no practising my new surname signature, no sense of having to become another person for someone. We remained ourselves and have done so ever since. I didn't take his surname nor do we wear wedding rings. We are husband and wife, but most people simply have no idea of this when they see us in person. It was really important to me I kept my own sense of identity and my husband was supporting and understanding of this.
I think its about finding what you are comfortable with and having the support of your partner in doing so. Some women want to be Mr & Mrs so and so, to be a wife, to embrace the whole thing. Sometimes they lose sight of themselves maybe? Maybe things falter as expectations have changed. I look at it from the other side. I value my independance, my experiences and what I bring to my relationship with my husband. But I am not his property nor is he mine.
The other thing is the pressures on couples today. People want their own home, there are struggles to pay the bills, run the cars and so on. It becomes about money and can cause no end of problems. Its almost the case of trying to have it all and when it doesn't happen, for whatever reason the cracks appear. Again my way of approaching it is to lower my expectations, to build on things and take time. Of course past generations had similar problems, but things were not as fast moving and high tech and disposable as they are now.
I don't know, chances are many will disagree with lots I have said. Its my POV after 37 years of living this way. I had a wonderful childhood, brought up by a single mother after my father left when I was a baby. I spent most of my 20's overseas living my life and had the greatest time. I was able to live on my own terms. My 30's have been happy as I had experienced pretty much most of the things I had wanted and meeting my husband and feeling totally comfortable in myself, my capabilities and what I could bring to a relationship. Its a partnership and it has its ups and downs but we worked at the foundations and built from there over the course of five years. We decided we were ready for a child, discussed long and hard our options and what we hoped and again are on the same page with things. And we work at keeping it that way.
Erm yes, too much typing again
What does everyone else think?
) but when I get divorced I won't be in a rush to get married again.
i am married 
I am afraid that at the moment I have very very mixed feelings on it.
