what do i do?

[samanthajayne]

i wasn't sure whether to post this here or somewhere else but i just found out something very disturbing and i'm not sure what to do about it.

me and my bf have never really had the type of relationship where we can talk about our feelings him more than me though. he doesn't talk and i don't talk because he doesn't listen. my pregnancy was planned. we both want a baby and i am enjoying it a lot more than him. so far he has hardly spoken about it, won't talk to me about it and certainly won't go anywhere near my bump which i find very upsetting and until now i always wondered why when we both wanted to try for a baby. i have a heart problem but its very minor and not at all serious just a leaky heart valve which is not bad at the moment as i am young. my mum has the same thing and she was fine having children and she is still fine and she is almost 50. my bf knows this and knows i am absolutely fine. but i just found out he has no intentions of getting close to me and my bump as he is sure we are going to die.

i'm not even sure how to take that. its a ridiculous thing to think. think i'll have to have a word with his sister maybe she can talk some sense into him. we both decided we wanted a baby so why did he agree if he thought anything bad was going to happen. i don't want to have to go through this pregnancy with him thinking that about the situation and ignoring bump for the next few months and then suddenly being interested when baby is born and we are both ok. if he isn't going to bother now then i don't want him around when baby is born. i'm just in total shock that he could be so negative and selfish and i don't know what to say or do now i'm almost speechless.

how do i handle this and make him stop being so negative?

 

[Charlie:-)]

Sorry to hear you're having a bad time at the moment.

If I was in your shoes I would personally sit down with your BF and have a good chat about his fears of losing you both and then talk through your fears of him ignoring bump and possibly losing him in the process of all this.

Try and reassure him that you're not going anywhere, you have a good example with your Mum so hopefully he will start to think positive once he realises how he is upsetting you and that everything will be ok.

Hope that helps & hope everything works out the way you want it.

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

Ah hun
At least he has finaly opened up enough to reveal why he has been so distant.It must be hard not being able to share the joy of your pregnancy with him
I can understand your concern about his behaviour and i may seem irrational but he must be really worried for some reason to think he's going to loose both of you. even though you have told him your will be fine
has he been through a berevement?
Id think taking him to see your doctor and he can discuss with your doc about your heart condition. If you telling him is not reassuring hima proffesional may do the trick
They know the ins and outs and can reassure him that you and the baby will be ok..

I hope he continues to open up about his fears and work through them so he can be there for you and your baby.
And that he relises he is missing out on this pecious time with you.

LOL Sarah

 

[bellybump]

Ah hun
At least he has finaly opened up enough to reveal why he has been so distant.It must be hard not being able to share the joy of your pregnancy with him
I can understand your concern about his behaviour and i may seem irrational but he must be really worried for some reason to think he's going to loose both of you. even though you have told him your will be fine
has he been through a berevement?
Id think taking him to see your doctor and he can discuss with your doc about your heart condition. If you telling him is not reassuring hima proffesional may do the trick
They know the ins and outs and can reassure him that you and the baby will be ok..

I hope he continues to open up about his fears and work through them so he can be there for you and your baby.
And that he relises he is missing out on this pecious time with you.

LOL Sarah

i dont mean to wuss out but Sarah said everything i would have put. i really do hope your ok hun. hugs n snuggles x

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi,

Geordie Lass has said what I would have said - it is worth taking him to the doc with you so that he will have an opportunity to better understand your condition. The other thing, I guess, as others have said, is to keep talking to him (I know this can be difficult as blokes often aren't as good at opening up as us women) but hopefully, eventually you'll get through!!!)

I guess it must be really weird for blokes, as they don't feel the baby and have it growing inside us as we do - I think some guys feel quite useless and left out; I've heard this is true at the birth too because really there is very little they can do apart from being there and being supportive! My partner was a bit freaked by the whole birth thing - particularly when I had the natural and he saw every last detail! It sounds like your BF is very scared by the whole thing, especially as you have the heart condition, and it is likely going to take time to reassure him, but hopefully he'll come through it and be more positive when it comes to you having the baby.

Hope you work things out soon, all the very best.

 

[Becs]

So sorry to hear what a silly boy your BF is being. I totaly agree to take him to the doctor and talk to the doctor about his concerns. Men seem to listen to the experts more than us. Don't give up on him until he has had a chance to do this and when he understands to make recompence for his totaly ridiculous behaviour!

 

[samanthajayne]

thankyou girls i will try and talk to him tonight when we get together. i know he has fears i do to everyone does but its silly not to want to get involved. what makes it worse is i tried to talk to him about my fears in the very beginning and he just told me everything was going to be ok and not be so daft more or less telling me to shut up when all the time he was feeling the same way. it would really help me if he could talk to me and tell me his fears grrr men hey well if he doesn't want to open up tonight i will let him be until my next scan which he will be there for. i will be 21 weeks by then and he will still beable to see that baby is fine and hopefully that will give him a reality check and he will realise what he is doing by thinking so negative. also i should be having some heart checks soon so that should reassure him too. i am fine baby is fine and moving everyday now. i wish he could see that and if something bad happened then we deal with it. there is no point in thinking negative from the start and that the worst is going to happen all the time thats no way to be thinking. have to be happy and positive

 

[kalia]

Everyone has said what I would. I just wanted to give you some of these