Do I need my Mum?

[mustard]

I just wanted some advice about this girls. Every year for February half term my mum and dad go on holiday (usually the canaries) to get some winter sun. My Mum is a teacher so they can only go away in school holidays. As my due date is just 3 days after the end of half term I had assumed that this year they wouldn't go but today Mum said that Dad still wanted to go and that as first babies were usually late she was sure they would be back on time. I didn't say anything to mum because I don't want her to be torn between me and Dad. She is probably right and baby won't be early but what if they do miss it and even if baby is late at 39 weeks pregnant I'm sure it will be nice for me to have my Mum around to keep me company for a few days while she is off work as I'll be on maternity leave and probably be bored stiff.

I'm sure I'll be ok if she isn't there, I wasn't expecting her to be at the birth as my husband is wonderful and I'm sure he will be all the support I need and I don't want too many people in the room so I can concentrate and relax. But I do really want her around especially if me or baby are sick and I need extra support. Mum only lives about half an hour away and I see her almost every week so we are close but we aren't very 'touchy, feely' or emotional with each other. I will have my MIL for support but it isn't the same. I feel bad moaning as I know some of you don't have any family close by.

I'm just not sure if I should tell Mum I don't want her to go on holiday or should I just keep quiet. She probably knows I would rather she was there but I don't want to make things awkward.

 

[Jess1979]

Im not sure what to say on this one hun.

I have put my mum on stand. My husband is good but I have a feelin that when it comes time for the birth he will go to pieces so my mum is on stand by. I have my sister which is going to be one birthing partner but I suppose at a time like birth you wont your mum.

 

[Lulabell]

From what I've been told the last few weeks before due date, you'll be wanting to sleep as much as poss. And when baby arrives there won't be any chance of you getting bored. I'd try not to worry or stress about it. I'm sure all will be fine and your mum will be around when the time comes.xx

 

[hellywelly]

Difficult one. My parents live abroad and are planning on coming back a week before the birth and then I imagine will spend about a month here before returning, so could well miss it if baby is early. I think you will probably be okay as remember even if baby is a bit early you might have to spend at least a couple of nights in hospital so would have limited visiting anyway, and that would give her time to get back from hols if needed.
My worry is the other side. A friend of mine had quite bad post natal depression and really relied on her mum loads for about 6 months and I'm worried if this happened to me my mum wouldn't be here to help. And like you I would feel guilty about asking her to stay if she really wanted to go back to France. I think I could cope with her mssing the birth as long as she can be there to support me through that first really difficult month when the high has worn off and the sleep deprivation has kicked in! May be rather than talking to your mum you could discuss it with your dad instead??

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I NEEDED my mum! i really really did!

she was in the labour room with me, Liam was there too but HOPELESS

 

[Dollie]

I wouldnt worry too much, im sure theyll be back in time, especially as she wont be a birth partner, and then she will be well rested and able to give you her undivided attention when shes home x

 

[mustard]

Thanks for the input girls. I was hoping to have a home birth so I also wouldn't have the support of the hospital straight after the birth but I guess I could always rethink that if my mum wasn't back yet. It just seems silly when they live so close to me and therefore they are always around that they might not be for something so important just for a weeks holiday. But I do understand there holidays are important to them especially my Dad. I hadn't really thought about speaking to my Dad. I guess that might work.

 

[Dollie]

plus if youre worried in case of any sickness, if she needed to get back in a hurry she could be home in just a few hours xx

 

[mustard]

That is true Dollie, thanks.

 

[Kerrieanne]

For me there is nothing like having your mum around when your down, upset and for just plain old fashioned comfort. Especially if the labour nerves set in nearer the time.

If you want your mum around I'd be honest with her and tell her you want her around. She coul alway go on hols in march? Don't worry you won't be keeping your mum from her hols for selfish reasons, your having a baby, one of the most wonderful experiences ever and you may want your mum to share your joys and nerves together xx

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I agree, explain that you want a homebirth and a big part of that is because you assumed you would have (Both) of their support. Explain that it is your first child and your nervous about them not being around

Your mum has a whole week off around the time you are going to be at your most pregnant, really she should be looking after you!

I dont think thats selfish, i think its very honest xx

 

[vampybear]

in some ways im a bit shocked ur mum still wants to go away at that time! i thought she would have chosen to go couple wks earlier than usual to ensure she was there for u. They are not always late when they are ur first baby, some are early.

I need my mum in that room with me no matter what, coz she is the only one in the whole world who knows the right things to say to keep me calm. Yeh OH would be there and i think he will be good at it, but ur mum is ur mum- she brought me into this world and knows the pain, he doesnt lol.

 

[mustard]

Thanks for all the advice girls, I got a text earlier to say they had decided to go and then when I text back to say when are they going to book it they said they weren't going to make any decisions for a while and that they wouldn't go if I wasn't happy with it so I guess I can relax, although I have a feeling I might have a very grumpy dad if he doesn't get his winter sunshine. My poor mum will have to deal with that because given the choice I do want her there.

 

[Lewa]

I'm going to offer an opposite opinion to most here and say I think you should let her go. I understand that it feels safer to have her there, but she probably deserves a holiday, and chances are you won't go into labour until days after she's back anyway.. and if you do I'm sure you can handle it without her, and personally I would rather have just my husband with me to the hospital and not my mom as I see it as something special for him and me to share and go through together as it is OUR family. Then our parents and siblings etc can visit later.. It's very individual of course, but I am a bit surprised that so many her wants their mums there, not saying it's wrong or bad or anything, it just surprises me a bit.
My mother couldn't be there even if I wanted her to as she lives in Norway, so I probably won't see her until at least a couple of weeks after the birth since it is difficult for her to get time off from work.. I wish she could come sooner, but that's just how it is. And as I said, I want the labour and birth to be something me and my husband will go through together, just us, to strengthen us and our relationship. I trust that the two of us can handle it on our own (with the help of doctors and midwives of course) and that we will feel stronger and closer together after it

 

[mustard]

Thanks Lewa, I definately appreciate all opinions and like you I wasn't actually planning to have her at the birth because I think that is for me and hubby but I want her to be one of the first people to see her first grandchild. I think she would regret missing the first couple of days of LOs life (my granny lives abroad but came over for both my and my brothers births even though we were grandchildren number 9 and 14 and travelling wasn't so easy ir cheap in the 1980s). I won't stop her going but she obviously isn't sure she wants to go I think she is just going to keep Dad happy. Like you said you would like your mum to be able to come over sooner if she could, that't how I feel, if she decides to go I'll deal with it but if she can stay that would be nicer.