What Do I Do? Help??

[faithsmummy]

Where do i start!
There is this couple i know with a 4yr old daughter,
she lives with her mum and her mums boyfriend apparently this girl is naughty they cant control her! when i have her she is as good as gold but is very quite and very nervous around people!
when we see her boyfriend with all his mates he is always telling people how naughty she is! he also tells me that when she is naughty he locks her in the shed for an hour on her own!! and then said how it doesnt work so he then decided he would put her in the bath fully clothed and pour freezing cold water on her! her mum does know about this as she does it too!
also if she is naughty they will buy her a sweet and leave it on the chair and make her watch them eat theres!
now i have told her parents about this and they dont seem to have done much really!
i cant get police or social involved as there is reasons i cant do it!
both the parents are on drugs i.e cociane and cannabis!
this makes me feel really knowing what that little girl is going through!
whats your advice??

 

[gingerpig]

Can you make an annonymous complaint? Poor girl is being really abused and sounds like inttervention is needed.

 

[Hypnorm]

you must tell some one about this - what if the treatment gets worse!!
no wonder she is naughty at home that is neglect and torture.

 

[faithsmummy]

i could tell someone but is really awkward as im the only one that knows and they know i know!
this person is one of my friends family and i would either end up getting a beaten up badley or something would happen to my family! i cant risk my family getting hurt as they are more importent than anything to me!

 

[Penstraze]

What a awful situation to be in I really feel for you but if this little girl ends up seriously hurt or worse you will never forgive yourself, she needs you to help her she cant help herself!!!!

 

[gingerpig]

Do you ever get time on your own with the little girl, maybe you can get her to talk to someone at her school, or something? That way it's coming from her and not you. Horrible position for you to be in.

Are you sure your friend doesn't know as well? These people sound like classic bullies, boasting about their abuse of this little girl, but intimidating anyone who knows about it.

 

[faithsmummy]

I could tell someone yeah but at the end of the day if one of my family got hurt i would feel more guilty as its my own flesh and blood! i have little sisters and if they did something to my mums house my little sisters are in there too!
another thing is there drug dealers and we all know what there like and he wouldnt think twice about stabbing someone!
im quilified in childcare and know this is abuse but what do i do?
i cant question the little girl as its not fair on her! makes me so angry this isnt good for me worrying whilst im pregnant!

 

[gingerpig]

You say these are your friend's family? Maybe you can very vaguely try and see how much your friend knows. If she knows as much as you do, then you should be able to make an anonymous complaint, without them knowing who it was. I'm sure they're enjoying boasting about this, and it wouldn't seem in character for them just to be boasting to one person about it. Do you know anyone else who has concerns about this little girl?

It is a horrible position to be in when you're pregnant and feeling vulnerable.

 

[faithsmummy]

she defentley doesnt know!
im so confussed dont have a clue what to do just wish someone else knew as i wouldnt have to say or do anything!

 

[honey7733]

the onlly way i can look at it is.......

what if this little girl was my family..... i wouldn`t want my daughter or sisters to suffer like that,

sorry if this doesn`t really help, i would have to tell someone!

 

[gingerpig]

Yes, it's a shame because you're being bullied as well as the little girl into keeping your silence

 

[faithsmummy]

the girl thats my friend is only young and wouldnt be fair on her to know shes only 15 i have grown up with her!
she knows nothing about drugs!
im in such an awkward position!

 

[Jo]

Hun, you have to tell someone in authority!!!

I know you are worried about reprisals but really don't be, if they are boasting aout this it could have come from any number of people

How would you feel if godforbid anything happened to her? worse than now?

I know you are a caring person otherwise you wouldn't have posted this and i know you will be racked with guilt until you do something.

Does she go to nursery/school yet?
If so could you call the school with your concerns?
If she is at school they could well be aware something is wrong

I'm sorry babe but you can't do nothing

 

[kirlykird]

I agree in the sense that you need to say something.

I really can't begin to imagine what situation you are in at the moment but as stated above, if these people have been boasting to you, they will to other people too.

Hope you manage to make the right decision

 

[Em78]

Hun, you have to tell someone in authority!!!

I know you are worried about reprisals but really don't be, if they are boasting aout this it could have come from any number of people

How would you feel if godforbid anything happened to her? worse than now?

I know you are a caring person otherwise you wouldn't have posted this and i know you will be racked with guilt until you do something.

Does she go to nursery/school yet?
If so could you call the school with your concerns?
If she is at school they could well be aware something is wrong

I'm sorry babe but you can't do nothing

hi hun

i was going to ask the same thing about school/nursery. they are pretty clued up at picking up on kids in trouble and i am sure they will welcome someone backing up what they already suspect if she does attend somewhere. that way the information hasnt come from you really.

as the others have said its a nasty position to be in, i can understand about your family etc. are you sure they would know it was you - neighbours etc could notice things going on and could have reported it?

please remember that no matter what you are not to blame - they are the ones doing this not you - if you really feel you cant report this at the moment please dont beat yourself up about it. they are guilty of abuse - you are only guilty of caring about your family and thats nothing to be ashamed of babe.

good luck

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Sassyminx]

Where do i start!
There is this couple i know with a 4yr old daughter,
she lives with her mum and her mums boyfriend apparently this girl is naughty they cant control her! when i have her she is as good as gold but is very quite and very nervous around people!
when we see her boyfriend with all his mates he is always telling people how naughty she is! he also tells me that when she is naughty he locks her in the shed for an hour on her own!! and then said how it doesnt work so he then decided he would put her in the bath fully clothed and pour freezing cold water on her! her mum does know about this as she does it too!
also if she is naughty they will buy her a sweet and leave it on the chair and make her watch them eat theres!
now i have told her parents about this and they dont seem to have done much really!
i cant get police or social involved as there is reasons i cant do it!
both the parents are on drugs i.e cociane and cannabis!
this makes me feel really knowing what that little girl is going through!
whats your advice??

you dont give your reasons for saying you cant get police or social to intervene, yet this is obviously in the childs best interests for you to do so. What you have described above is pure and simple child abuse..... they are abusing cocaine.... what happens if they accidentally left some about while they were off their heads and the child took it? or if there was something serious happened to the child while they were under the influence?
im sure its a very hard decision for you to make, but this is a child your talking about...

 

[littlebump]

Reading this post has made me feel sick with anger and with worry/fear for this poor little girl who has done nothing to deserve this torture.

I agree with the others - you can't not act if you know what's happening - the guilt will tear you apart and will stay with you forever. I'm sorry to sound so dramatic but you obviously feel terrible about it already.

My first thought was that if they have drugs you could place an anonymous call to the police. At least social services would then get involved especially if you stated you believed child abuse was going on?? I know nothing about the system I'm afraid.

Have you thought of calling CHILDLINE - I'm sure they could give you much better advice than I could on how to deal with this - they are also fantastic listeners. Their number is 0800 1111 (website http://www.childline.org.uk/)

I'm so sorry for the terrible position you are in and hope you manage to resolve the situation without putting yourself and your baby under too much more stress.

Lots of love to you and your little bean - let us know what happens

LBxx

 

[faithsmummy]

i understand where you are all coming from yes this little girl is in danger!
but if i told someone they would know its me im the only one that knows and i have told them that they are wrong and that if i heard anything else i would report them!
they do need to be reported but i dont want my family getting involved and my baby sisters ending up being hurt! i dont know what to do just wish i had someone i could talk to that i could trust!
the little girls step dad has just been in court for possesion and supplying cociane and got away with it!

 

[Em78]

why on earth if he has just been in court for drug offences are the social services not investigating them anyway you would think it would be standard practice to check up on a little one who lives with someone who is on trial for something like this. if they cant be bothered to check on kids like that what else goes undectected.

has he been done before - just thought it might be a way for you to report them - ask them to check up becasuse of his record and you think drugs might be in the house. that way if they investigate they can say its becasue of their record with drug offences which they would have access to and no need to tell them it was reported? - perhaps contact the police about his recent trial and advise them there is a child involved - explain your concern about their reaction and see what they say - the fact that he was on trial may be enough for them to investigate without involving you further

dont know - i feel for you babe. you are clearly frightened of these people. i think its easy to say just report it but you know what kind of people they are and what they might do so only you can judge. i hope you find a way to sort it hun .

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[faithsmummy]

thanks em78!
you seem to know where im coming from! im going to have a talk with my family and see what they say about it! maybe i could get someone in my family to do it!