What am I doing :(

[kanga86]

I am feeling really fed up tonight with my oh, he has been working late every night (til gone 9-10pm) on other peoples cars. While I understand he is doing it to help us out financially, I can't help but feel neglected! Especially so close to us getting married! I have never felt so distant from him in our 10yr relationship.

I am sat here with him and the in laws chatting about going out on Sunday night. My family that are travelling down for the wedding are taking me out for a hen party/ meal, so we are sending my dad, brother, and other males out bowling so they have something to do. My oh was going to stay down his parents the night before the wedding but my step mum thought it would be nice if my oh and his dad went bowling with the guys, and his mum come with us.

I have just mentioned it to him and he is making excuses like I might be too tired!! I'm so frustrated that I have to sit with his parents every week for dinner and he can't handle just 1 evening with my family!!! I mean they live 200 miles away do he never has to see them, but thought he would make the effort seeing as I have to with his family all the time!

I have just been upstairs to have a cry in my own house cos I don't want to upset his parents who are still here sleeping on the sofa I might add!! So worth them still being here!

Also we have next week off the spend together after the wedding as we aren't having a honeymoon as such, but he has already arranged to drive to collect car bits on Wednesday with his dad, leaving me at home alone. And he is going to a car show on the Saturday and now he is saying if he doesn't finish this car tomorrow he is going to be doing that too!! I just feel second best to cars all the time!!

He has even been depressed recently because his car broke, when the wheel fell off whilst driving and seems to be more upset about that than being happy we are getting married and having a baby!

I don't know if it's pre wedding nerves or pregnancy hormones going crazy but I have found myself not really being excited about getting married and wonder half the time what the hell I am doing with my life! I love my oh with all my heart but I just wonder if I'm doing the right thing! I want to be married to him but just can't cope with all the cars in our relationship too!!

Sorry for the massive rant ladies but I just don't know what to do with myself!

To top it all over the just fell down the last few stairs when coming down. Luckily just landed on my leg but now wondering if LO is ok xxx

 

[BumbleTumble]

*hugs*

its probably both pregnancy hormones and pre-wedding anxiety! i dont know, ive never been married, but i can imagine its a pretty daunting prospect, but just imagine how you feel on the day!
could you sit down with your OH and tell him how you feel? maybe he can tell you how he feels too and you could get an understanding going?

having a baby and getting married are big things, and you are doing both! keep that in mind

sorry, this is probably making no sense, but hope you can understand what im saying a little!

xxxx

 

[Jayjay027]

Aw ur not havin a good day at all hun!
I understand the whole feeling neglected thing. I sometimes feel second best to my husbands hobby/part time job as an actor. If he's not out acting in something, he's meeting his friends to talk about what show they can put on next. Its constant and I've rowed with him about it numerous times, esp since being pregnant!
But just think, he's doing something he obviously enjoys, and he's getting paid.
Maybe 2 days away while ur in ur honeymoon stage is a bit much if u only have a week together, so why not suggest he does all his car business in 1 day and keep the rest of the time for u?

Get to bed with a snuggly teddy and have a nice sleep, hopefully ull feel better tomorrow x

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

 

[Tara1985]

I really feel for you hon. Must be awful to feel like this when there is so much to be happy about. My OH is similar with prioritising work over me and I also get very upset, at the end of the day we jus want support and affection however from reading your post I think he probably sees it differently and is thinking of making as much money as possible to look after you and little one. I'm not making excuses for him because not making an effort with your folks must be frustrating. I have the exact same thing with OH but it came to a head the other weekend when he made an excuse not to visit....my rant worked and he is making more of an effort so it might be worth having a heart to heart. Especially when you are feeling this way it is better out than in otherwise it might fester

Men can generally be selfish but he must love you Kanga, 10 years followed by a wedding a a child is commitment. He might have so many "hobbies" because he doesn't know how to be there for you during pregnancy - I can imagine that bit being tough on blokes who might feel left out so distract themselves with other things.

Definitely have a talk, I would must definitely put my foot down with the honeymoon week, it is about you and him - No cars allowed!!!! I'm sure he will make it up to ou once he realises how upset you've become.

Xxxxx

 

[Star33]

( Hugs ) My dh works a lot too & i feel sometimes that i hardley see him & when i do he is sleeping half of the time because he has been up silly hrs going to work etc. Being pregnant makes the situation a whole lot worse because our hormones are everywhere we feel emotional at times & we easily become angry.

When your pregnant you sort of want to be really close to your dh than you where before pregnant. I put that down to pg hormones. You want cuddles all the time & i think its a insecuritey because where pregnant & have this big bump ??

When they are doing all kinds then it does make you feel left out but am sure its not done intentionally. It's gonna feel worse because your wedding is just around the corner but remember if he did not want to spend time with you he certaintly would not be getting you pregnant or marrying you

Your prob feeling it more because you have his parents under your roof sleeping your couch. Hope your feeling better tomorrow babe - you prob just want your house back & your space & its just getting all on top of you babe.

It is unfair that he wont spend 1 night with your family if you make the effort to spend time with his family all the time. This is not your pg hormones lol - i would be the same & asking him what his problem is. I hope you can sort it out sweetie - but if he is still making excuses then sod him & just make excuses the next time he wants you there with his parents

xx

 

[Hope81]

No real advice here but I feel so sorry for you I would have been upset too
What are his plans after the baby is here? Is he going to leave you alone all day again?
Maybe you talk to him telling him how you feel?
I hope things will get better soon such a pity though that you cant enjoy your wedding

 

[GoldenDragon]

I'm sorry you're feeling so down hun maybe you should sit down and talk to him about it? It's not your fault you're feeling like this, so don't blame yourself. I for one would feel exactly the same, and probably many other people would too. I hope things get better soon xx

 

[Sunbeam638]

I'm sure he'd be upset if he knew how low you are feeling about this. Men sometimes are so black and White he's in financial support mode not emotional support!

Tell him to chill out a bit and go on the night out and the week off won't be spent with cars otherwise it will make you more anxious and without realising he will miss out on the fun of the wedding celebrations xxxxx

 

[frankie247]

Hugs, im not sure what to say but in sure as been said its pregnancy hormones, wedding stress. It is stressful getting married adding that to having in laws around too.

It's difficult but just go with the flow, if you feel relaxed within yourself then everything will be great.

Hope you have an amazing wedding day!

 

[Karate Kid]

Bless you hun!! My husband is the same, he has just started a new job and is trying so hard to impress everyone it is affecting our relationship because he is so emotionally unavailible.

I can remeber the night before our wedding, I was on my own in my hotel suite, my bridemaids had gone so that I could get some rest, my parents were otherwise engaged and I felt so alone. I seriously started to doubt getting married, I had crazy thoughts in my head!! I finally fell asleep and woke up on the morning of my wedding with my Maid of Honnor bringing in my breakfast.... I then started thinking about everything we had been through and how amazing my husband to be was....

I can safely say no matter how much rubbish we have gone through, how annoying he is, how he leaves his laundry next to the basket and doesn't know how to open the basket and how he works all hours of the day I wouldn't chagne him.

So long story short after your ten years together and your little baby on the way, I can't imagine him adoring you more.... I am sure it's just pre-wedding jitters hun.... to top it off you have the hormonal imbalance to contend with!!

As for your family, you just need to talk to him and explain your concerns, he's probably just unaware of how you feel. xx

 

[kanga86]

Thank u everyone, u have all made me cry!

His parents finally left around 11pm last night and we ended up talking in bed til nearly 1am. I told him about feeling second best to all the car stuff, and how it made me feel. He says all the time he is trying to work so hard to help us for when lo is here, and I do understand that without him working so hard we wouldn't be able to buy anything for baby.

I have also spoke to him about doing his car stuff next week, and have allowed him the weekend, but he isn't allowed during the week and he seems happy with that and so am I! I don't want to stop him from doing everything he wants too, but would like a couple of days for just us.

I think he being a guy doesn't see things the same way as me, and I do have to spell things out to him, but he really is so sweet when he doesn't annoy me we also had a long chat about the wedding day and about our nervous and excitement leading up to it and how excited he was about getting married has made me feel so much happier!

I also got the Doppler out last night just to check Roo was ok after my fall down the stairs cs he hadn moved since, and he started wriggling around and I could feel lots of movements with my hand an so did my oh it was so nice that he could feel like apart of the pregnancy too

So all in all I am feeling a lot happier after having a chat with him about everything, and I feel so happy to be marrying him xxxxx

 

[Tara1985]

Bless you. So sweet and only 2 more days....woohhoooo xxxx