Weight Issues

[pigletpoo]

Hey,
many of you may know the saga of my OH who did a runner afer me announcing I was PG - even tho he said he wanted it as much as me. Well eventually, after me writing a letter to his mother, he got in touch and said he wanted to work things out. He wanted me to sell my house and move in with him and wear my engagement ring again - niether of which I want to do!
But anyway, he text me last night saying that he had always loved me and always will and that he doesn't want to be mean to me but he can't help it sometimes, but will try to be a better person.

THEN.... he said " But can I ask you a favour, I want you to lose a few pounds if we are going to stay together as I don't want you ending up like your sister!"

My sister has real food issues and weight about 20 stone.

I weigh 12 and half stone (no light weight I know) but I wear size 12 skirts, 14 jeans. I am only going to put weight on over the next few months, I feel awful. I know I'm overweight, but In the last year I lost 2 stone so I was quite pleased with myself. Now I feel fat and unattractive and I can only see it getting worse. I've been on my step machine all morning, which combined with my constant throwing up morning sickness probably isn't a good idea.

I asked him - What's gonna happen now then over the next few months? And all he said was "you tell me!" then turned his phone off. I havn't heard from him since that.

What should i do?

Piglet xx

 

[valentine]

Hi piglet,

You probably won't like me saying this - but I have to say that I'd run a mile! He sounds like such a horrible person.

You have trusted him before and he's let you down so I completely understand why you don't want to sell your house or wear your ring and now he expects you to trust him again and THEN says that about weight! He sounds like a total a*se and you would be well shot of him. What a selfish man.

You will definitely put on weight in 2nd and 3rd tri and please, please don't worry about this - this is natural and I (who have weight issues) was told by the midwife that now is not the time to diet or worry about weight.

I know you must be lonely, but please don't let that colour your decision about what to do.

Please, please stop the execising. You shouldn't do more exercise than you are used to, particularly in 1st tri.

I hope I haven't offended you, I just really feel for you and hope that you get a good resolution to your current problems.

Lots of love

Valentine xxx

 

[whyslifesobig]

you can always loose weight after bubs is born, he however will always be a wanker!

 

[pigletpoo]

Thanks valentine, I know you are right. I guess it just helps to hear someone say it. It's so hard to know what to do. When he is nice , he is really nice and funny and I can see him being a great dad. Maybe I'm taking it all the wrong way. I'm guessing he was drunk last night as he was away in a hotel on business, so maybe he did mean after the baby for me to lose weight. But as he didn't answer, I don't know. I just can't imagine being with him in the mean time knowing that he thinks I'm an overweight blob.

Whyslifesobig - thanks for that comment too - it made me smile!

Piglet xx

 

[Vickyleigh]

Oooh that makes me so mad

If he is saying that he will only be with you if you loose a few pounds then he is only interested in how you look and not the person you are. He maybe the father of your baby but if you stay with him he will grind you down to the ground and you will end up getting very depressed which is not good for you and certainly no good for your child. If he really loved you then he would be making you feel good about yourself and judging by your post he is making you feel like crap. Please don't go back to this poor excuse for a man he is no good for you at all! You might love him but look how he is treating you.

 

[nikkif]

ooohhh how harsh! that would make me really mad.

You do not need the extra worry of being scared to put weight on when you are pregnant. I hope things work out for you whatever you decide

 

[Nicola]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear your partner up and left you....and then said he'd get back together if you lost weight? I think to be perfectly honest you are far better without him. The first trimester is tough (I'm just about T2 now and feel so much better than I did weeks 6-10 type thing). I've gained weight and moan constantly "I'm fat" my darling husband will just say "your not fat your pregnant, that's our baby in there" and of course I just melt and decide "fat" is ok right now. Don't try dieting during pregnancy unless advised by the doctor to do so and at size 12/14 your soooo normal the doctor would laugh at dieting requests - most of the UK is a healthy 12/14 really even a 16 isn't sneered at any longer. Don't start any excersice you haven't been doing frequently before the pregnancy, i.e. if you swam daily for a year before getting pregnant, it's fine to continue, don't start swimming now if you haven't been doing it pre-pregnancy. It's always an idea to do a little something while pregnant but not in an attempt to loose weight just keeping yourself in check will enable an easier labour really, help when you hit trimester three and are carring large amounts of weight around with you. A simple 15 minute walk would surfice, or do your local sports centres offer special ante-natal classes? Ante-natal aqua or similar? Ask the midwife if the hospital run sessions but don't start to aid your figure, you are pregnant, it's a precious time and sod what your other half says every single pregnant woman in the world gains weight, even movie stars are not excempt from that I'm afraid. Your partner is living in cloud cuckoo land if he thinks you can slim from a 12 to an 8 during pregnancy. You can't you'll harm the baby. Honest opinion and like the others have said, you are better off out of that situation, you can diet/excersice till your heart is content afterwards, get to a 10/12 and an 8/10 if you have a small enough frame to allow it, you could be a size 00 but your ex I'm afraid is always going to be his same arrogant self. He should be with you for you, your personality and how you make him feel not with you because your gorgeous and he'd rather keep you that way! Enjoy your pregnancy, don't compromise it for anyone!

Nicola xx

 

[whyslifesobig]

just ask yourself this...who is more important right now
your baby or him?
I just promised my bubs that there is nothing that I wouldn't give up to make them happy and to be the best person I can be for them when they are here.
If you think your man is more important than your baby right now then keep on doing the step machine thingy! If your baby is more important then get a grip tell that poor excuse of a man to get a life and that there are more important things to worry about in life than a girls dress size.

 

[Melly+2]

i am going to be honest hun, getb rid of him. He has no right to say things like that to you, if he loves you then he wouldnt have asked you to do that. Besides you dont want to diet while your pg for the babys sake. Hope i havnt upset you xxxxxx

 

[Vickyleigh]

Please please don't think i'm rubbing it in or trying to make you feel bad but my boyfriend keeps telling me that he can't wait till my tummy get's big and fat during my pregnancy and to be honest neither can I! Just enjoy your pregnancy and don't worry about your weight. Your pregnant your supposed to be big.

 

[EmmaLR]

This man is NOT good for you! No woman should ever expect someone who loves them to say a comment like that! If my partner was ever to try he would be out of the door in a second!
It should be about trust and commitment, Eventually he will make you feel paranoid and the trust will soon fade!

 

[Melly+2]

give him a kick up the from me xxx

 

[whyslifesobig]

MEN!

 

[Nicola]

MEN!

We can all relate to that comment!!! xx

 

[Vickyleigh]

Amen to that. Amen get it? sorry simple things, simple minds and all that

 

[Peanut]

Sorry but he sounds like a d1ck - get rid of him.

What sort of comments is he going to be making around your child as he or she grows up? How to grow a daughter with food issues....pick on her mother about weight jeez some people. You are so much better off without him.

 

[cloud9]

Don't think I can add much to whats been said but sending you a hug...You need love right now

 

[Happybunny]

love is unconditional, tell him to sling his hook!

 

[pigletpoo]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I have tried texting him today, but he has ignored me anyway. Can't understand why I am in the dog house, but there you go. I am tempted to print off this page and show him what people think!!
I guess i just need to concentrate on me, and this constant throwing up isn't helping my state of mind! My doc is arranging an early scan for me, so theres something to look forward too.

Thanks again xxx

 

[whyslifesobig]

awww so glad you got your early scan chicken, you know you are worth more than that rotten, no good, boy of a man you have there. I know you love him but you can love someone who worships the ground you walk on and treats you like a goddess too!