Im So so sad..here is my story..the real story..
So I started dating my ex the beginning of February of this year. We had only known each other a few days before we slept together and then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was desperate for love and someone to want me, as I had always been the girl who was always getting rejected and never pretty enough, so when he asked me, I didn't even hesitate. Anyways, a week after we started dating, which was valentines day, he came down to visit and brought his friend. He had asked me prior to visiting if I have ever had a threesome, I said no and that it really isn't my thing and makes me uncomfortable. He was all sad and asking me why and stuff. Then he told me his friend was coming down for the weekend with him and that I should do a threesome with him and his friend. I said something like "Maybe" and "I guess if it makes you happy". Although, that was something I never wanted to do. SO fast forward to that weekend and we were at his brother's party and I've been drinking and my boyfriend tells me to go in the room and sleep with his friend and that it would make him happy. So, being slightly intoxicated and wanting to make him happy, I went into the room and his friend came in and you know what happened next. I did give consent, but I was uncomfortable the whole time.
Fast forward a month and a half later...same thing we were at a party and my boyfriend wanted me to give his friend "A good time" because he couldn't get laid by any of the girls there. So..we went to my car, both my boyfriend and his friend, and..yeah. This was on April 1st or 2nd or 3rd...honeslty don't remember because I had been drinking. Around his time I had been feeling emotional, as if my period was going to start. So I decided on April 7th to take a pregnancy test just for the heck of it. I took clear blue and first response, they were both positive (Faint line on first response and then digital clear blue read POSITIVE) The next day April 8th, I went to a free pregnancy clinic where they took a urine sample and did a dip test..the kind that change color if positive. They told me it BARELY turned blue, but that it was still positive, meaning I was very early, but pregnant. They scheduled me for a U/S to check viability on May 3rd, where they saw the fetus and heartbeat and estimated me around 7weeks2days, putting my due date Dec 18th. A month later on June 8th, I went to a doctor where they performed a dating scan, putting me at 13+1 and a due date of Dec 13th.
Im trying to figure out who the father is, although nothing is certain without DNA testing. My ex and I broke up shortly after I told him I was pregnant, as he was being threatening saying if I left him he would come after me in court and take the baby for himself, saying I was unfit to be a mother. Thats why Im trying to see if any of what happened between me, him, and his friend could be considered rape. I don't want either of them near my child given the circumstances. I know the chances are slim that it would be considered rape, because there are texts of me saying that I'd do it. I just would like some opinions on how to move forward with this. Also, I don't really have contact with my ex anymore and I don't even barely know his friend
I finally had the courage to tell my mom about all this. She was understanding and has been supportive and telling me "It's not my fault", however I feel like it really is. I let this happen, I chose this guy to be my boyfriend. She told me they both took advantage of me and the fact that I just wanted to make my ex happy. Also, I do have a mild form of autism called asbergers, which has always made it hard for me to understand communication and relationships...also being socially awkward. She told me they basically raped me based on the circumstances, however there isn't any proof. Basically, it would be my word against theirs. There are text messages of me agreeing to do this, saying "Yeah I guess Ill do it if thats what really makes you happy." Also, my ex would make me "sext" him and basically pushing me to talk dirty and tell him things I wanted him to do. This made me super uncomfortable, but again, I did it to make him happy. At one point he kept pushing and pushing for me to tell him more and more of what I wanted him to do to me and I had said at one point to "rape" me. Not that I actually meant it at all, but he kept pushing me and I was just trying to tell him what he wanted to hear.
Basically, I don't really have a case and if I did try and press charges, and those text messages came up..I wouldn't have a case and it would just be embarrassment for me. Not to mention the fact that both guys would most likely lie under oath anyways. My ex also claims that I "cheated" on him, and thats the story he would go with.
This whole thing is a mess and I really hate myself for letting this all happen. I don't want to press charges, because I honestly do not want to face them again and I don't think any of the charges will stick. Also, having autism, I am very shy and I can't stand up in court infront of a much of people and tell them what happened. Hell, It was hard enough telling my mom.
And if this wasn't enough to depress me through my whole pregnancy, I still am not 100% sure who the father is. My ex's friend was black, so if it turns out to be his, I will know at birth. However, again having autism, I do NOT like surprises. I don't think I would be able to cope. I can't do DNA testing before the baby is born, because Im already 25 weeks. Also, both guys don't live anywhere near me so contacting and tracking them down would be hard, also they probably wouldn't even do it. Plus I would have to pay for the testing, and Im already paying for all my medical bills alone and don't even have enough money for those.
This is all a mess and I wish this never happened to me. I just want it to be over.
Im not even happy with this pregnancy anymore, as I can't be sure who the father is. If it turns out to be his friends, I will probably give her up for adoption because I don't think I could handle the baby being a different color and having to explain everything that happened to my family and friends. I will be looked down upon and probably my daughter too.
In the beginning I didn't even think the baby could be anyone but my ex's, but now Im doubting myself. I won't know until she is born who the baby belongs to. I hate not knowing and will likely be anxious and unhappy for the rest of my pregnancy. I can't be happy about this. I just can't. I don't feel like I deserve to be happy after what happened and I LET it happen. If I would of known this was all going to come crashing down and I would be so unhappy and regret all of this, I would of most likely terminated early on when I first found out I was pregnant, before I saw her little heartbeat. But it's too late now as I am 25 weeks pregnant. Now she's depending on me to survive, I feel her little kicks and I just feel so sad, when Im supposed to be feeling happy. This is supposed to be a happy time, but its really been the worst time of my life. Its not fair to her.
I do not have suicidal thoughts, although maybe being dead would be better, but I can't do that. I have my first baby (My little doggy) who needs me and depends on me. I have a baby inside me that is depending on me to survive. I have my family who loves me very much and a mom who has been supportive. I can't end my life just because I feel so horrible, that is too selfish. Especially since this is all my fault.
So I started dating my ex the beginning of February of this year. We had only known each other a few days before we slept together and then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was desperate for love and someone to want me, as I had always been the girl who was always getting rejected and never pretty enough, so when he asked me, I didn't even hesitate. Anyways, a week after we started dating, which was valentines day, he came down to visit and brought his friend. He had asked me prior to visiting if I have ever had a threesome, I said no and that it really isn't my thing and makes me uncomfortable. He was all sad and asking me why and stuff. Then he told me his friend was coming down for the weekend with him and that I should do a threesome with him and his friend. I said something like "Maybe" and "I guess if it makes you happy". Although, that was something I never wanted to do. SO fast forward to that weekend and we were at his brother's party and I've been drinking and my boyfriend tells me to go in the room and sleep with his friend and that it would make him happy. So, being slightly intoxicated and wanting to make him happy, I went into the room and his friend came in and you know what happened next. I did give consent, but I was uncomfortable the whole time.
Fast forward a month and a half later...same thing we were at a party and my boyfriend wanted me to give his friend "A good time" because he couldn't get laid by any of the girls there. So..we went to my car, both my boyfriend and his friend, and..yeah. This was on April 1st or 2nd or 3rd...honeslty don't remember because I had been drinking. Around his time I had been feeling emotional, as if my period was going to start. So I decided on April 7th to take a pregnancy test just for the heck of it. I took clear blue and first response, they were both positive (Faint line on first response and then digital clear blue read POSITIVE) The next day April 8th, I went to a free pregnancy clinic where they took a urine sample and did a dip test..the kind that change color if positive. They told me it BARELY turned blue, but that it was still positive, meaning I was very early, but pregnant. They scheduled me for a U/S to check viability on May 3rd, where they saw the fetus and heartbeat and estimated me around 7weeks2days, putting my due date Dec 18th. A month later on June 8th, I went to a doctor where they performed a dating scan, putting me at 13+1 and a due date of Dec 13th.
Im trying to figure out who the father is, although nothing is certain without DNA testing. My ex and I broke up shortly after I told him I was pregnant, as he was being threatening saying if I left him he would come after me in court and take the baby for himself, saying I was unfit to be a mother. Thats why Im trying to see if any of what happened between me, him, and his friend could be considered rape. I don't want either of them near my child given the circumstances. I know the chances are slim that it would be considered rape, because there are texts of me saying that I'd do it. I just would like some opinions on how to move forward with this. Also, I don't really have contact with my ex anymore and I don't even barely know his friend
I finally had the courage to tell my mom about all this. She was understanding and has been supportive and telling me "It's not my fault", however I feel like it really is. I let this happen, I chose this guy to be my boyfriend. She told me they both took advantage of me and the fact that I just wanted to make my ex happy. Also, I do have a mild form of autism called asbergers, which has always made it hard for me to understand communication and relationships...also being socially awkward. She told me they basically raped me based on the circumstances, however there isn't any proof. Basically, it would be my word against theirs. There are text messages of me agreeing to do this, saying "Yeah I guess Ill do it if thats what really makes you happy." Also, my ex would make me "sext" him and basically pushing me to talk dirty and tell him things I wanted him to do. This made me super uncomfortable, but again, I did it to make him happy. At one point he kept pushing and pushing for me to tell him more and more of what I wanted him to do to me and I had said at one point to "rape" me. Not that I actually meant it at all, but he kept pushing me and I was just trying to tell him what he wanted to hear.
Basically, I don't really have a case and if I did try and press charges, and those text messages came up..I wouldn't have a case and it would just be embarrassment for me. Not to mention the fact that both guys would most likely lie under oath anyways. My ex also claims that I "cheated" on him, and thats the story he would go with.
This whole thing is a mess and I really hate myself for letting this all happen. I don't want to press charges, because I honestly do not want to face them again and I don't think any of the charges will stick. Also, having autism, I am very shy and I can't stand up in court infront of a much of people and tell them what happened. Hell, It was hard enough telling my mom.
And if this wasn't enough to depress me through my whole pregnancy, I still am not 100% sure who the father is. My ex's friend was black, so if it turns out to be his, I will know at birth. However, again having autism, I do NOT like surprises. I don't think I would be able to cope. I can't do DNA testing before the baby is born, because Im already 25 weeks. Also, both guys don't live anywhere near me so contacting and tracking them down would be hard, also they probably wouldn't even do it. Plus I would have to pay for the testing, and Im already paying for all my medical bills alone and don't even have enough money for those.
This is all a mess and I wish this never happened to me. I just want it to be over.
Im not even happy with this pregnancy anymore, as I can't be sure who the father is. If it turns out to be his friends, I will probably give her up for adoption because I don't think I could handle the baby being a different color and having to explain everything that happened to my family and friends. I will be looked down upon and probably my daughter too.
In the beginning I didn't even think the baby could be anyone but my ex's, but now Im doubting myself. I won't know until she is born who the baby belongs to. I hate not knowing and will likely be anxious and unhappy for the rest of my pregnancy. I can't be happy about this. I just can't. I don't feel like I deserve to be happy after what happened and I LET it happen. If I would of known this was all going to come crashing down and I would be so unhappy and regret all of this, I would of most likely terminated early on when I first found out I was pregnant, before I saw her little heartbeat. But it's too late now as I am 25 weeks pregnant. Now she's depending on me to survive, I feel her little kicks and I just feel so sad, when Im supposed to be feeling happy. This is supposed to be a happy time, but its really been the worst time of my life. Its not fair to her.
I do not have suicidal thoughts, although maybe being dead would be better, but I can't do that. I have my first baby (My little doggy) who needs me and depends on me. I have a baby inside me that is depending on me to survive. I have my family who loves me very much and a mom who has been supportive. I can't end my life just because I feel so horrible, that is too selfish. Especially since this is all my fault.
