Life Changing

[pollylop]

Obviously everyone knows that having a baby is life changing, but at the moment the negatives seem to be outweighing the positives. My current bf and I found out I was pregnant just after our first anniversary, and at first I was happy, but now I just feel low all the time. His lack of enthusiasm about the baby has ruined the whole experience of being pregnant for me. He supports me financially, he works long days whilst I have taken early maternity leave. I know he loves me, and will look after us both, I'm just wondering if his lack of passion for anything is right for me.

I met my ex when I was 17 and we were together on and off for nearly 5 years, we were both madly in love and due to my foolishness this relationship ended. I always thought he would be the man I would marry and have children with. He is so excitable, passionate and positive about everything in his life. He would have been dying to go to clothes shopping for the baby, would spend hours talking about the future and how he couldn't wait for the baby to be here. He was devestated when I told him I was pregnant and even wanted to me to go back to him, and move out of our current town for a fresh start. I was tempted, but didn't want to make the wrong decisions, and putting my baby first I decided to stay with my current bf.

I can't help but feel that I am having a baby with the wrong man, and no matter how hard I try these thoughts just wont seem to go.

I can't help but think if my current bf made more effort this relationship could really work, but he doesn't stack up in comparison to my ex.

Is anyone else in a similar situation??

 

[BabyBrain]

Ah hun I'm sorry you aren't enjoying your pregnancy because of this. Although not in a similar position I do understand a little of how you feel. When my friend was pregnant with her last one her boyfriend was desperate for a daughter, talked to her belly everyday, talked about all the stuff he would teach her etc.....then they found out it was a boy and bam it all stopped. She was so disappointed and like you felt really let down by his lack of enthusiasm. Now tho her son and boyfriend are inseperable and go everywhere together.
Comparing one boyfriend to another is never a good idea in my opinion, you say you were together on and off for 5 years, on and off isn't a stable relationship and the stresses and strains of a new baby can tip rocky relationships well over the edge. See how it goes, your boyfriend might totally blow you away with how good he is when baby comes. Some men just don't cope with pregnancy very well. Set a target for after the baby is born and see what happens then.
Best of luck to you hun xxxxxxxxxx

 

[jomc]

Aw hun. I agree with babybrain. There were reasons ur last relationship didnt work and in reality those reasons are still going to be there. When something life changing happens it affects everyone differently and really makes u evaluate things, but u dont necessarily think in a logical sense ... it can all get a bit blurry and cos ur entering the unknown its natural to feel a pull toward something familiar, a bit like a security blanket.
If ur current bf wasnt bothered about ur pregnancy then he wouldnt be working ling hours and supporting you. Unfortunately not all men go gooey eyed over a pregnancy. My OH is a bit like that.
He only puts his hnd on my bump when I ask him to... he finds the mivements too weird, referring to it as sonething out of the Alien film
lol. He also hates shopping in general and that hasnt changed just cos its now for a baby. But, he looks after us in other ways and even tho I would love for him to be someone who sits and talks to my bump all evening, thats just not his style.
It sounds like ur bf might just be finding it difficult to bond with something that he cannot see yt but as soon as that baby is born he will be so excited
Have a talk with him and give him the benefit of the doubt for the mo

 

[BevG]

a lot of men dont get excited until baby is here, my OH isnt excited and the only way i can even tell hes happy about it is that we planned it and he puts his hand on my tum when were going to sleep, apart from that nothing different about him since i got pg.
i think its unfair to compare your bf to your ex, he sounds like a lovely guy who supports you and is stable and reliable, good dad material there. on and off relationships may be exciting but think if u had a baby in that situation, always arguing. you wouldnt just be able to up and go out or do thinks without planning it. arguing and splitting over stuff all the time isnt good for baby either. its easy to see someones good points when your not faced with them every day and the grass always seems greener. im sure you would enjoy your pregnancy more if you realise what you have got and appreciate it in full and stop looking back and look forward to having your baby in your arms. if your bf dont get excited then maybe he just cant show it but regardless he sounds hes doing his best to support you and deserves something for that, not you pining for your ex.....

i mean no offence or upset, its just the way i see it

 

[Sarah13]

I'm sure it's the old hormone thing making you feel this way, they have a lot to answer for! Like the others said lots of men don't really bond until baby arrives, my hubby also finds pregnancy a bit weird and hasn't changed like some men do but he does talk a lot about when the baby arrives and is excited to become a dad. Why not ask him how he's feeling? We often don't talk enough to our men and they have lots of feelings about baby too. I was feeling a bit unattractive etc and didn't realise my hubby was just a bit freaked out by intimacy and hurting baby but once we talked about it I felt reassured and understood why our sex life has all but disappeared since my bump started to move about! It's all new for him too and he might have worries about his role as a father and how your relationship will be.

On another note I knew things were wrong with my daughters father for a long time but muddled on for a while after having her, I felt I owed it to her to at least try and see if things worked out but after she was about a year I made the break as I was totally sure he wasn't the one. She's a happy 14 year old now and sees her dad when she likes, she even jokes that she can't imagine us ever together as we're so opposite! Sometimes if things arent right they arent right but maybe wait and see how things go as it could just be your hormones working overtime now.

 

[pollylop]

Thanks for the reassurance guys, just needed to hear someone else say the things I have been thinking. I know things will be different when she is here, just that things seem a bit hopeless sometimes. I am going to give this relationship and go and see what happens in the future, and take it from there.

Me and ex ended for a reason - thats what I keep telling myself!! I think because I'm feeling crappy he's just my fantasy, but as you so rightly stated the reality with him would have probably been very different.

Thanks for your help xxx