Upset over Gender :(

[x kylie x]

I had my sexing scan done today and although i already felt like i knew it was a boy when they confirmed it i felt/feel so sad and i feel so guilty about it

I have always wanted a little girl and have only really found girls names and outfits that i like, now it feels asif i have lost my little girl and i feel so so so terrible for feeling this way

I feel asif maybe i wont bond with my little boy as i am extremely girly i adore fashion and dancing ect... i cant imagine myself stood watching football and seeing as i may yet be a single parent its something im going to have to do.

I really now wish that i diddnt find out the gender as the ammount of guilt i am feeling is awful

I also got a quick glampse of "him" in 4d and it looks awful! I have no idea why they show people that when they are only 16 weeks they also gave me 3d photos and they are actually scary!! "he" looks just like an alien and everyone that has saw them have commented bad on them what then makes me feel 10x worse

well like i said i feel like the worse mum to be in the world today and woundered if anyone had any advice on how to deal with this?

I mean i know 100% if i was having a girl then today after the scan i would of been shopping and showing it all off well i have no interest in going shopping at all now

Feels asif my life has been turned upside down and i feel like such an awful person

 

[cosmicgirl]

Don't feel guilty hun, gender disappointment is very real and nothing to be ashamed of.
I have felt like you four times over. Believe me, you will love and bond with your gorgeous boy, doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel disappointed x

 

[Joanne1982]

im yet to find out but my sister really wanted a girl and she got a boy she was dissapointed at first but now she wouldnt change him for anything. Your not a bad mother at all lots of people feel like this. Why dont you book another 3d scan in a few months time when your little boy has grown more and i bet he will look beautiful. xx

 

[Happyred]

Im sure that given time you will adjust to the fact you are having a boy and as soon as you hold him for the first time, you wont care and will love him to bits. As for bonding and doing boyish things, who says he has to play football, he could be into street dance, which sounds as though it may be more up your street, you will find things you can enjoy together. As for the 4D scan,i totally agree with you,those things give me the heebie jeebies,lol!

 

[saralou5]

Awww babe . Don't feel guilty about it, it's perfectly normal when you've got your heart set on one thing and end up with another. And like Joanne said, maybe a 3D scan in a few months . You'll bond with him regardless . Just wait til he starts booting you in the side!
Chin up lovely your hormones have taken a bit of a beating and just need time to settle. You'll be a wonderful mum



Make a pregnancy ticker
Member Of Team Blue

 

[Young Mum 21 x]

I already have a lil girl who's almost 4, when I found out I was having a boy with Harry I was a lil gutted and I too worried that I'd find it hard to bond with him as I too am very girly and love dressing Paige up and painting her nails etc etc, now he's here I love him more than anything!! Im sure it will be the same for you x x

 

[jules84]

I'm sorry but I really think you should give yourself a shake, or pop over to other parts of this forum where people would literally give their eye to be in your position.

 

[nikkid]

I was the same when I found out I was having a boy the last time. I really had my heart set on having a little girl but when he was born I fell in love with him instantly and im secretly hoping for another boy this time around xx

 

[cupcake77]

im sorry but i have to agree with jules84 having any child you should be grateful. it is a blessing that doesnt come easy to alot of people i had a miscarrage last yr and now 19 weeks pregnant and dont care what sex my baby is. my best friend would give her right arm to be in your postion. sorry to be harsh but get a grip

 

[Hope81]

i think you are both not putting that ok, read again the first post, she knows is awful and she asks help? i doubt this is the right place for you to play ethics...

i had a miscarriage i would give anything for this time to be a healthy strong bean, but i do prefer girls and though i am sure i will love my baby boy to bits one million questions pop out my head, will i bond with him? do i know how to take care little boys?i want a girl that shares with me shilly teenage loves and worries if her hair is ok and we go clothes shopping together etc etc.

does that make me a bad mom? i think you should think twice before judging someone that already said that she feels awful about it...

 

[Young Mum 21 x]

^ agreed!!!!!

 

[JJ Mum]

I agree with Hope too, this is a forum for everyone, for advice, support and it's definately not for judgements!



Ah hun, what a shock for you, don't worry , you shouldn't be guilty at all, it's natural to feel this way. I'm the opposite I'm a tomboy, and the thought of having a girl was really scary!

I think having had the gender scan was the best thing for you to do, now you have 24 weeks to adjust and the idea will grow on you, better to find out now, and work it through, before the big day, that way you will have no guilt on the day, you will welcome your little man, and believe me, I have 3 boys and 1 girl, so I know that boys are wayy more cuddly, needy of mum, (which is actually lovely to be wanted), and so soft. You will love him just as much as a girl, you just need time to adjust X

 

[Lisa_85]

i cant really comment on the gender part as i wasnt fussed if i had a girl or boy but i can comment about the scan.

I had a 4d gender scan at 16 weeks and he looked like an alien at the time they couldnt determin the sex so went back at 18 weeks and i couldnt believe the difference in such a short time he looked like an actual tiny baby. I was told a girl turned out at the 20weeks scan he was a definate little boy lol.

Did you defo see the boy bits? I have no doubt you will bond with your baby! x

 

[jules84]

I didnt mean to come across as harsh. I think if the OP took a look at other parts of the forum she might appreciate what she has.

I too, would prefer a girl, it doesn't mean I would be disappointed if I was having a boy and I would still count myself lucky.

 

[Hope81]

i will bow out of this thread but i strongly believe that this is a forum for support not for judging people regardless how "stupid" we think their ideas are.
when i don't have anything positive to say i don't comment, just jump to another thread...

 

[jules84]

stupid? I didn't nor wouldn't say that. I think I'll bow out of this thread also.

Good Luck OP!

 

[Constantstar]

I really really wanted a girl and when they said not, my heart sank. Same as u I'd seen girls things and I knew nothing about boys! I got used I the fact he was a boy and now I wouldn't change him for the world and I'm so glad they said boy!! I love him to pieces ! I do feel a bit guilty for wanting a girl so much but once bubba is here nothing else matters. Yay team blue x

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

As much as trying to conceive is hard and as sad as some situations are (I myself TTC for almost a year, and was convinced there was something wrong with me) I don't think it's fair you ladies say such things. Being pregnant is a very challenging experience, plenty of thoughts go through your head, heck some of us have even been angry with our unborn children because they've kept us up kicking or caused us extreme back ache etc. It doesn't mean we don't appreciate being pregnant or don't count ourselves lucky. Pregnancy plays all sorts of tricks on you. I myself really wanted a girl and got angry with myself for wanting a girl so much, I even wanted a boy not long after that dilemma (again, tricks being played on me).

Being a mum is also challenging, there have been times where I've got frustrated and upset, thinking I'm not a good mum. Then I hear sad stories about children passing or couples not able to have children and I count myself very lucky (I do anyway but telling myself this when I'm having a bad day helps), but even then I'll still have frustrating days. It's okay for you to say she should just count herself lucky and all will be gone with these thoughts but that's not going to happen, that would be more or less just putting a front on and ignoring all those confusing feelings pregnancy gives.

Anyway, to the original poster, don't feel awful, you'll bond with your boy as time goes by and you'll not want to change him for the world. There's also plenty of time for you to have a daughter, I would like to have a son one day.
Your son won't be playing football (if he does) for a long time yet so I'm sure you'll meet somebody new. My cousin had a son first and ended up leaving his dad, now she's got four other children and a loving husband to be.

Also, babies do look like aliens at that stage! But when you see his cute chubby face and his gorgeous piercing eyes when he's born, you'll not want to take your eyes off him! You created this little boy and he's growing inside you getting bigger and more human-like every single day, you should be proud, you're his mummy and he's going to adore you! Honestly when your baby smiles at you and laughs at you, it makes your heart melt. I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about my baby's smiles and laughs.

Plenty of time for dresses and daughters hun! And at least you'll have a strong big brother to protect his little sister (that was one of the reasons I really wanted a boy). xxx

 

[kirstymichelle]

everyone has their own struggles what is hard for one isn't necessarily hard for another. I hope you can come to terms if not perhaps seek some help to come to terms with it x

 

[Cazza]

Very well put Tiffany!

I myself went through MC's & MMC so appreciate that being pregnant is an absolute gift. That did not stop me desperately wanting a boy, I was thoroughly convinced I was having a boy and I was shocked at the scan when we were told it was a girl. It took me a few days to get round to the idea as I am not a girly girl, hate shopping for clothes and never follow fashion!!

BUT now she's here I just absoluely adore her!!! Yep she wears pink and yes sometimes 'girly' things but lots of denim too!! She'll have to get used to our outdoor lifestyle and will probably have to endure her Daddy buying her a train set!!!

Don't feel bad about your feelings, but try to look at the positives hun!