Upset over Gender :(

[cosmicgirl]

I'm sorry but I really think you should give yourself a shake, or pop over to other parts of this forum where people would literally give their eye to be in your position.

I'm sorry but I totally agree with this. I feel sad that you feel the way you do, and I can understand ttc ladies being angry.

I also want to say you still have a long way to go and as you are a human you will love your baby growing in you more and more each day.

But you are completely misunderstanding the very nature of gender disappointment.
She does love her baby, she is grateful to be pregnant, she will love get baby - none of that it in question.
She is saddened by the way she feels, how is making her feel guilty being supportive???
I was ttc for 14 months, I had a loss.
Are you telling me I should look around the forum? Are you telling me I should "give myself a shake" ??? (a phrase which does not help at all)
I suggest that you read a little about gender disappointment because when you do you will realise that it is a recognised feeling process and telling someone to give themselves a shake is about as supportive as telling someone with PND or AND to give themselves a shake.

 

[Kayelle]

I was just giving my opinion. Of course I don't understand , and meant I am sad that ppl feel this way, because it can't be nice.
Although I quoted I don't agree with the 'shake' wording.

 

[cosmicgirl]

Some of these comments from people who don't understand are very very hurtful to people with GD. I've dealt with them for the past 13 years. I've hardened to it now, but the op hasn't and is clearly anxious. I'd like to see a bit more support and understanding.
I'm sick of being told I should be grateful, I should get a grip, I should just love my baby. Yet the people saying these things know NOTHING about GD yet think its ok to upset people as its just their "opinion".
And I say to them, if you can't say anything supportive, say nothing. People with GD feel guilt enough (see the ops first post) and don't need people adding to it.

 

[cosmicgirl]

I hope that any other ladies who are struggling with feelings of GD will feel safe to post here. It does truly help to share and offload. You won't be judged. Maybe there should be a GD support thread, for supportive comments only!!!

 

[Kayelle]

Without rippi.g my throat out, I want to just ask a question, it seems to be boys ppl are dissappointed with, do you think there is any reason? Or coincidence

 

[cosmicgirl]

In our western society I've found that the majority of disappointment is from mums wanting little girls. Wanting to bond with her like with your own mother. The mother daughter relationship is special for lots of ladies and they yearn to recreate that.
I'd love to have someone who wants to do things with me, spend time shopping, baking and someone to be there with the bond I have with my mum. When we're older we'll go shopping, we'll spend time together as friends.
My boys don't want to do things with me, they have their football with their dad, their computer games, they're out with their friends, they aren't interested in having their mum hanging around (especially my teenage boy) but that's natural, they're boys. Boys by their very mature tend to be very different to girls. Not saying they don't love their mum.
Having said that, in a lot of other cultures there is a massive cultural demand for a son. This is for more deep set and traditional reasons but this led to a lot of females being aborted and sadly infanticide is widespread in some countries still today.
It's a very sensitive and detailed issue which can't possibly be covered by me in this post but is very real.

 

[Tara1985]

Just wanted to give some support Kylie although I don't fully appreciate gender disappointment because I have no preference however i think that may have been what my mum had. She openly admits when she was pregant with us she wanted girls, she got two and one boy however i also thought my brother was the favourite lol so it just shows preference doesn't mean you love your child less.

In time you'll get use to the idea. Get out there and buy your lil boy some cute outfits to try and help with bonding. Failing all that I have no doubt he will become your world as soon as he is born.

Regarding your scans I was told by the sonographer at my private scan that thy do not offer 4d until later in pregnancy once baby gets fat on them. It's a shame the place you went to don't understand 4d is not going to be great this early on as I'm not even sure where baby is in the pic. On a much lighter note and I really hope you don't mind me sayin but the black and white scan really made me chuckle. Think it's really cute actually with the legs up showin off his bits.

Xxxx

 

[Tara1985]

Cos that really does explain it to me for my mum anyway. She left her mum at 3 and never had that relationship and think she desperately missed out as it was her father who brought her up and he had a horrid wife. My poor mum She once admitted that she bought me lots of barbies etc, I was the spoilt baby, so that she could play with me. It might sound laughable to some but actually writing this is making me upset because it's dawning on me what a sad childhood my mum had - anyway so sorry as this is waaay off topic but thought I could relate to what Cos said about recreating a perfect mother daughter relationship.

 

[SARAHSTAR]

Without rippi.g my throat out, I want to just ask a question, it seems to be boys ppl are dissappointed with, do you think there is any reason? Or coincidence

Good question Kayelle! As a first time mum I think that I might be able to
connect more with a girl? If we think back to when we all played with dollies
they never made them 'boy shaped' did they?!!!! Perhaps subconciously that's why we think girls might be easier!!! All I know is that as long as my baby is
healthy and happy I won't mind what flavour they are! It must be really upsetting to feel GD - I suppose I'm lucky not to have a preferance.
LOVE AND RESPECT TO ALL!!! XXX

 

[kra0]

Sending you love and hugs kylie. I know you have been feeling down lately anyway hun. Sent u a pm xxxx

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

 

[Sam's Mum]

While it's hard to understand for some of us, as it has already been said gender disappointment is a very real issue for some people - it doesn't make a baby any less loved or wanted and leads to awful feelings of guilt because those feelings can't be helped. Can you please all remember that this is a forum for support, and that is what the OP has asked for x

 

[cosmicgirl]

Thanks sams mum x

 

[lanny]

I'm not close to my mum at all and I guess that's why I wanted a girl to do all things I seen other mums and daughters do together that I never with mine.

I wanted to be her best friend and I of course things like shopping for dresses etc, I loved my dolls as a child and it was always in my mind that I would have my very own little girl one day even from such a young age

 

[kanga86]

I must be the odd one out, cos just before my 20 week I had a thread saying how I thought I would be disappointed with the thought that my precious lil bean was a girl. I desperately wanted a boy, luckily I got told Roo was a boy and didn't have to worry about GD. How would I have felt if I was having a girl, probably devastated for a while but I know I would have grown to love her and would feel like the luckiest women in the world to have her. Like most others here I have suffered a loss and know how precious our lil bean are. Xxxxx

http://www.pregnancyforum.co.uk/second-trimester/227619-disappointed.html

 

[Lisa_85]

ive just checked out the scan pics and mine was the same. I didnt get one of the boy bits as he couldnt see them that early on.

Good luck through your pregnancy and i wish you a good labour! when you hold him you will be smitten :-D i know it may be hard but try not to feel bad and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy it goes so quick xx

 

[leesey]

I didnt mean to come across as harsh. I think if the OP took a look at other parts of the forum she might appreciate what she has.

I too, would prefer a girl, it doesn't mean I would be disappointed if I was having a boy and I would still count myself lucky.

I don't think I'm going to read past page 1 of this thread, as it seems people are looking for an argument, but I would just like to add here that I have had 4 early losses and another from a very long time ago and I'm now 18 weeks pregnant.

Regardless of how long I've wanted this, or how much grieving I've done over lost babies, or how much I've felt hopeless, if I was ever to feel gender disappointment it would be a very valid emotion to have.

I am not fussed either way, as I'm looking forward to having both a boy and a girl eventually hopefully, but even if I was, that would be valid.

I'm sure the OP is well aware of other people's struggles, and yet many people in LTTTC would be over the moon to hear about gender scans of their friends on here, and it's tough to be on the receiving end of baby news but they are all very kind and humble.

We need to support each other on here, and value each other's doubts and anxieties, otherwise there's no point in the forum.

PS - sorry that wasn't particularly aimed at jules, that was just the one i clicked on to quote xx

 

[leesey]

While it's hard to understand for some of us, as it has already been said gender disappointment is a very real issue for some people - it doesn't make a baby any less loved or wanted and leads to awful feelings of guilt because those feelings can't be helped. Can you please all remember that this is a forum for support, and that is what the OP has asked for x

Sorry Samsmum just totally repeated what you said as I hadn't read past page 1, thanks as usual for keeping everyone decent on here xx

 

[becciboo26]

In our western society I've found that the majority of disappointment is from mums wanting little girls. Wanting to bond with her like with your own mother. The mother daughter relationship is special for lots of ladies and they yearn to recreate that.
I'd love to have someone who wants to do things with me, spend time shopping, baking and someone to be there with the bond I have with my mum. When we're older we'll go shopping, we'll spend time together as friends.
My boys don't want to do things with me, they have their football with their dad, their computer games, they're out with their friends, they aren't interested in having their mum hanging around (especially my teenage boy) but that's natural, they're boys. Boys by their very mature tend to be very different to girls. Not saying they don't love their mum.
Having said that, in a lot of other cultures there is a massive cultural demand for a son. This is for more deep set and traditional reasons but this led to a lot of females being aborted and sadly infanticide is widespread in some countries still today.
It's a very sensitive and detailed issue which can't possibly be covered by me in this post but is very real.

PERFECTLY explained Cos

Ive wanted a baby for years, I am 29 and this is my first (only 6 weeks away aaarrrhggghhh!! )

I too wanted a girl, although wanted may be a bit of an understatement! I was desperate to have a girl - dont know exactly why its just me I guess, always wanted a girly to dress up in pink, love the bond i have with my mother, and just couldnt imagine having a boy. I had convinced myself that I would never be lucky enough to achieve my dream - and lo and behold at my 20 week scan my entire world just fell into place

I have never felt so happy, and no-one and I mean no-one would ever be able to tell me that the way I feel is wrong because others are struggling to concieve. My best friend lost her baby at birth and it was absolutely heartbreaking, she was 41 weeks along. Even she understood how happy it has made me to be expecting my baby girl at last!

Pregnancy is a hard enough time with a redicuolous amount of emotions surging through your body, and I know for sure that GD would have been very very real for me (also for my mother who longs for a granddaughter!) Its not just girls though as my nana was desperate for a boy

I am sure as others have said that the minute you hold your dear boy in your arms (your little man ) that you will love him more than anyone else in the world, you have created him and whilt i completely understand your dissappointment now, please dont fret about it sweetheart, so many more wonderful bonding experiences to come, look at my avatar, thats a 30 week 4d scan, and probably the best experience of my life! Go have a scan later on, and watch your little man smiling and sticking his tongue out.......and fall in love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[chantilly]

When we become pregnant we all have our dreams and ideals and for some they include babys gender , i can remeber being dissapointed when i was told my second baby was a boy as i had wanted a girl.

sweetheart this disappointment will pass with time try not to feel to guilty about your feelings but rather work through them with time and allow yourself to feel what your feeling.

Im sure by the time baby is born you will be so overwhelmed with love for him and even then if your not it will come with time

hugs sweetheart if it does get to bad pop along to the doc as you may have a touch of antenatal depression

 

[Star33]

Hey hun. You wont be the first to wish there babys gender was the opposite. I would love a little girl too but if my baby is a boy then thats just as nice because a baby is a blessing & for me my baby is my little miracle hence past pg losses.

I know onec you see your baby you will bond & love him just as much as you would if he was a girl. Your heart has been set on having a little girl so it will take you back now you know your having a boy but you will come around to the idea. I understand what you mean how you feel you would cope better with a little girl - i totally understand what you mean when you say this but like i said i am sure you will cope just as good with your baby boy when he comes along.

You can get some lovely outfits for boys - i know the whole girl idea is because you can buy some lovely clothers for girls & not so much nice thing for boys but belive me now that your having a boy when you look more at the boys stuff in ( next ) they are sooo cute.

About your 4d scan well i beg to differ - i think your scan is soo cute - you need to look longer at the image to study it at first but when you do you see your babys facial features & he looks soo cute. He does not look like a alien at all - he is squashed in there with the placenta & other things so thats what makes the picture look not so pleasant but focus on your babys face - which is just adorable sweetie.

xx