unhappy marriage and baby on the way

[pixie17]

i dont know if putting this post on will help me feel any better or not. does anyone else or has anyone else have serious relationship issues with their partner while pregnant? i do currently. its got to the point where if i wasnt pregnant, i would probably want to separate. my husband and i have only been married a year and a half and have been together 5 years before that. i feel so stupid for getting married. we have always had cracks in our relationship and now they have appeared more than ever. its as if suddenly i can see the wood in the trees. we are both just so different and with all the arguments i have no faith left in us. i am so upset with myself for getting into this position. now i feel stuck. i have a baby on the way and the last thing i want is for my son to have a broken home. nor does my husband. at least we agree on this. yet we just cant get along. i am so unhappy and feel so upset for this poor innocent being i am bringing into the world. i am angry at myself; i am his mum, i should have not done this to him. i am thinking of going to relate (on my own, my husband doesnt want to go) to get help. i just dont know how i am going to cope with all the emotions that this is bringing...

 

[dyscochick]

hun I didn't want to read and run but I haven't been where you are. i don't think many people would ever plan to have a child in a 'broken home' but please don't think of it that way. Two happy separate parents who manage to get along is far better than an unhappy household, where both parents are there. If the relationship is falling apart now it won't get better with the stresses of a new born then small baby in the house. if you feel its over it might be better to split now, get yourself sorted before bubs arrives and you'll find a way to make it work so that your child has a stable upbringing. i hope you find a solution

 

[Daisy2011]

Hi Hun
Sounds like youve been doing a lot of soul searching.
I think that its much better to be seperate than be miserable together. It will be difficult to be the one doing all the night time feeds and all the care but so much easier than having to argue to force him to help you and the stress of that added to the sleep depravation.

Dont know how your finances are but know that if you moved out you would be able to go on the housing list as a priority or have help with rent and even mortgage interest if you live alone in your house. Your familiy and freinds will rally around you and you will get by.

Then you and he can arrange calm visits theres no reason to belive that he wont be a good dad just that he cant be the husband for you. So much better for your child not to grow up in house full of tension and rows.

Good luck and dont worry so much just do it, once youve made the decision a lot of the stress will melt away.
X Daisy

 

[marshma]

If your husband really doesn't want your child to be from a 'broken' home then i suggest he mans up and goes to relate with you, you could have a session on your own and so could he and then one together

 

[DaisyPurple]

If your husband really doesn't want your child to be from a 'broken' home then i suggest he mans up and goes to relate with you, you could have a session on your own and so could he and then one together

Exactly as I wanted to say XXX

 

[pixie17]

Thanks for your comments. We have decided to separate but still try and live together and coparent. we havent worked out the ground rules but agree we need to have a mutual understanding of how things are to work. we live abroad at the moment so separating into separte homes would mean me moving back to the UK on my own. separating is not what i want but i do not feel i have any other option. Part of me thinks its right for me but then it kills me the next. (I cannot bear the thought of him with someone else - however much he insists that is the last thing on his mind.) I am very upset, feel i am grieving for the life i wanted to have (happy home, relationship, family etc). I am devastated. its not how my husband wanted things to be either but its the only thing we can think of at the moment. we just cannot get along. i am still going to go to relate on my own, i need help with learing how to manage this. Maybe by me going it may encourage him... I dont know. All i know is i need help in learing how to cope with living this way and have some sort of happy life for myself.

 

[dyscochick]

Good luck hun, i think you need to think really carefully about how you want it to work. At some point one of you will want to b with someone else and cohabiting and co-parenting won't be easy. Its an admirable but tough route to take and I really hope you can make it work xxxxxxx

 

[Mrs.s]

Your child won't be from a "broken home" if he knows no differed other than that mummy and daddy have never bled together!

I don't mean to sound harsh but coming from someone who most certainly grew up in a "broken home " as you call it trying to live together is a bad idea kids pick up on the slightest atmosphere and will know that our both unhappy it is better for everyone involved if you separate but remain friends and co parent in different homes!

 

[pixie17]

Apologies, i didnt mean to offend anyone by using the phrase 'broken home'.

 

[Mrs.s]

It's fine I'm not offended people say it all the time but my point is this my parents spilt up at it was the best thing to do be aide everyone was so unhappy when they were living together and arguing all the time it was a stressful living environment now howeverany years later my parents are friends and we spend family time together and it's great!

Your baby isn't here yet so if spilt now he won't know any different however if you love together and then spilt when he is 4 or 5 believe me he will remember more than you would think

 

[jld123]

I feel for you. Bringing a newborn into an already unstable relationship is more than likely only going to make it harder for you both and you may end up resenting eachother. My partner and i argue so much since having our baby and can say some horrible things, but deep down we know we love eachother and want to be together. I cant imagine how it would be without that love for eachother deep down. I think your best option is to get out now for all three of yours sakes. That way, if you do end up missing eachother or realising you do love eachother once the baby is here you could try again x

 

[dyscochick]

hope you are ok pixie, its a big decision to make but you've got some time.