uncertainty

[Hollyhotlips]

Hello all,

I haven't been on here for about 30 months (since my DD was born) but it was a wonderful community throughout my TTC journey and pregnancy.

So why am I posting here.... Well I was unsure if I wanted more than 1 child previously especially as my DD's sleeping patterns were challenging to say the least in the first year but I am starting to feel like I will be ready to be a Mummy again. My hormones, heart and head all now agree

I have spoken to DH about it and we both agreed it would be best for us and for our DD to have another baby once she is at school or at least close to starting school which would therefore mean, in an ideal world, that we started TTC anytime around this Summer. In my head I hoped for an April/May 2018 baby....

Anyway, my DH has been very unwell since December. He has had a mental breakdown and has been diagnosed with acute anxiety disorder and PTSD. He was in the army and has also been through some really stressful situations in the years I have known him so it was almost inevitable that something had to give. He is getting better and seeking lots of help but he hasn't left the house in almost a month plus he has zero sex drive . I am a planner and I love looking to the future; it is what keeps me motivated. I am therefore finding his illness and recovery particularly difficult because at the moment we can literally only plan from one day to the next. Plans for holidays, breaks away, meals out and any thoughts of TTC are completely out the window for the moment and I guess it just makes me feel sad and a little helpless.

If I were to fall pregnant now it would be simply too much for DH to cope with and also for me because I am currently doing everything in and out of the house. I wouldn't want that type of pressure to be on him and obviously we aren't having sex so there's no chance anyway....

Thank you for listening. It feels good to be able to talk about it and I just hope that I will be able to update you as he progresses and one day in the future I can start an official TTC post. For now it is a very long period of waiting to try as far as I can see.

 

[Melly41]

Hi hollyhotlips, sounds like you and your hubby have a lot to cope with at the moment. It is positive that he is seeking support. For PTSD and anxiety, the best treatment I believe would be psychological therapy. There is really good evidence that this can be a really effective treatment. Is he accessing this? Might be worth him asking his GP to make a referral if not. Sounds like he is making some progress. Hopefully with the right support he will improve over the coming weeks/months and you can get back to some kind of normality. It's difficult to say whether a baby would be too much....it could have the opposite effect? But I can totally understand why you feel uncertain about it. I think you need to take one day at a time, be there for you hubby but make sure that you have someone to support you and for you to talk to as you are going through this too. You can only be strong for him, if you are being looked after. Hopefully the forum will be able to provide some of this for you. X

 

[Hollyhotlips]

thank you for your kind words. He has found a therapist locally and has had 2 telephone consultations with her but the difficulty is that the anxiety means he feels unable to leave the house for more than 5 minutes at a time and he freaks out when he's in a car! It means he can't get to the therapist and she wasn't willing to come to him. I am wondering if I should try and see if there's someone willing to come to the house to see him at least just for the first few sessions.... x

 

[StephHarris212]

thank you for your kind words. He has found a therapist locally and has had 2 telephone consultations with her but the difficulty is that the anxiety means he feels unable to leave the house for more than 5 minutes at a time and he freaks out when he's in a car! It means he can't get to the therapist and she wasn't willing to come to him. I am wondering if I should try and see if there's someone willing to come to the house to see him at least just for the first few sessions.... x

Therapy and psychiatry could possibly help. Possibly a PRN could help when things get bad for him? Also, there's a method a therapist taught me that helps with ptsd as I have ptsd. This could really help him. Have him focus on an object in the room doesn't matter what the object is but have him focus on it and then describe the object. What it looks like how it feels etc. it helps me out quite a bit. I hope everything works out for you two. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you two.

 

[JD.Deedee]

Maybe he needs to medication to ease his symptoms and help him starting to move forward.. I have complex ptsd myself and have been let down by the mental health service all my life along with people around me and all sorts. I know there is online help too, you can get a psychologist that helps online too, there's also online cbt and I'm sure your husband is likely to benefit from combined therapy probably emdr.

I know someone who got ptsd following a burglary being home alone with her son and she had herself admitted to a clinic have medication and therapies and they have since had another little girl.

As you know he's got ptsd and knowing what he's going through and knowing what his struggles are do speak to your family gp to discuss your options, proper push through to find alternative options. Gp's should be able to do home visits so that could be a starting point.

Wishing you all the best x

 

[Melly41]

Hi hollyhotlips
I've been told by others that some therapists will offer Skype sessions....not ideal but better than nothing. You might need to send a few enquiries to see if it is possible. Might be worth looking into. The UKCP website is a website that has many private therapists that have had extensive training. In the blurb, they often say what they specialise in so choosing someone with ptsd experience might be good. Can access CBT via NHS but the waiting lists are usually fairly lengthy but as JDD said your GP would be able to look into this and they would definitely offer a home visit. Failing that perhaps he could try a short course of diazepam or another sedative to bring his anxiety down enough to enable him to get out the house or engage in some therapy. X

 

[Loveandpeace]

Hi,

I am only recently getting over a bad experience of severe anxiety and stress after a tragic death in my family and a few family members also falling seriously ill. Anyway I just finished my last CBT session last week. I have to say I found CB T to be immensely helpful. I did not want to take medication so my GP referred me to their CBT guy who is at the clini one day a week and I was lucky enough to see him two weeks after the referral was made.

I know your DH is terrified to leave the house, so as Melly suggested you could look into CBT skype sessions. Its a very difficult state of mind to try to get out of. i know it was been very hard for my husband at the time.

Hoping he gets the help he needs soon and you can both try for baby number 2 when the time is right.xx

 

[Melly41]

Just checking in with you girls. How are things hollyhotlips? Did you manage to find any therapist willing to offer skye sessions? Loveandpeace sounds like you've had a difficult time too, so sorry to hear things have been really hard but pleased CBT was helpful. JDD and StephHarris...how are you both? It's amazing how many of us have had struggles. It's more common than I thought. I guess people don't really talk about it openly but I think it's really helpful to do this so you don't feel alone with it X

 

[Sunflower1]

I used to be a therapist and PTSD and trauma benefits from trauma specific treatment like EMDR or something designed to de-activate the amygdala. There is also somewhere called the Human Givens Institute and they have a great method for working with trauma called the rewind technique. They might have online therapy or phone therapy...I don't know. It might be quicker having a trauma focused and trained therapist rather than a normal therapist. Some of these detraumatisation techniques work quickly. Normal therapy and CBT won't necessary be as effective. NLP might work too with a good enough therapist.

http://www.hgi.org.uk/useful-information/treatment-dealing-ptsd-trauma-phobias/rewind-technique

skype http://www.londonhumangivens.com/london/15/FAQs.html

 

[Hollyhotlips]

Hello lovely ladies, I am so sorry for not replying sooner. Things have moved on considerably and my DH found a therapist who specialises in anxiety who, after 2 Skype sessions, empowered DH to drive to see him for 1-2-1 sessions that he has continued on a weekly basis. He is also on a very low dose of anti-depressants which he feels have helped a lot. There are still glitches but overall he is a different man. He can drive again, help me with nursery runs, do shopping, we have been on a few dates and have been able to talk about the future confidently
I have come off the pill and as of this month we are not using any other protection so we are NTNP until Summer when I will try and understand my cycles better to maximise chances of sperm meeting the egg lol.
thank you all for your kind words and understanding xx