Two faced women!! Grrrr rant!

[Hunnie]

A woman I know and who I thought to be a really good friend has surprised me this week !
From the start of her finding out I was pregnant she has been really supportive and has helped me by giving me information books, offering an old pram of hers and has just generally made an effort with asking how both me and baby are doing and I've been really grateful of it all and felt like she was someone who was truly there for me when a lot of people haven't.*

Not too long ago she started becoming very touchy feely with the bump which I didn't mind but it then led to her offering to look after LO once she arrives if I ever need a break or I have plans during the day. Now I have to admit I've not once corrected her but the fact is that if I was going to ask for childcare help then I would most likely be going to family first or I would just rearrange my day if possible. I've always just replied to what she has offered *by saying that it would be really helpful and thanks for the offer as I think it's quite impolite to refuse help even though I most likely would never take her up on it. She has even taken it upon herself to start calling herself LOs "aunty" but again I've never said anything to stop her. Maybe this is where I have gone wrong??*

Anyway I found out this week that she has been making out to other people that I have already started asking her to mind LO once she has arrived and that basically if I think I am "dumping" the baby on her then I will have to expect to pay nanny fees just like everyone else. I have never once asked her? I feel like how she has spoken to others about this blatant lie, she has portrayed me already as some irresponsible mother who can't wait to palm their child off on others.*

I already have a lot of people looking down at me like some stupid little girl as I am going to be a teen mum (just!!) and who seem to be waiting for me to slip up at the first hurdle. I will fully admit that I am completely inexperienced and haven't a clue how to do anything but I know in my heart that I will care for my baby the best I can and won't let her be hurt and make sure she is safe and well looked after and I will honestly be trying my hardest to ensure this!*

I just feel that after thinking this woman was someone who really believed and supported what I'm going through and my life choice, she has completely stabbed me in the back and infact made me out to look even worse to all those who don't believe in me in the first place.*

It's all just been a bit disheartening . Goes to show I suppose you can't trust even the most genuine seeming of people .*

 

[Lilelephant]

that is out of order of her! Plus ppl shouldn't look down there nose at u cos of ur age my friend had her son at 18 and she is a wonderful mum!
I would maybe keep ur distance for a while as she is obviously not te kind of person h want around u ATM x

 

[kerry5a]

That's horrible! Can you say something to her? If not I would just slowly distance myself from her. Like being pregnant isn't stressfull enough!

 

[cosmicgirl]

She sounds a bit weird hun, I'd give her a swerve.
People do look down on teen mums, it's true. It's sad for the teen mums who are good mums, I think mostly people say things out of concern don't they, thinking they are being supportive.
I think you deffo need to avoid this woman though x


Sent from my knackered iPhone

 

[DaisyPurple]

Sorry that you are having to deal with this, she sounds crazy, I would distance yourself from her and pass on the truth to the person who told you what she had said, maybe that way people will ignore whatever she says xx

 

[Hunnie]

She has never once mentioned anything about charging me but I just find it all a little weird . Id heard a rumour not long on top of it all that my OH is too good for me and that he needs to find someone else who actually appreciates him because I clearly don't. - not the case at all! My OH is my world.

I didn't really know who had started it all off but I'm presuming now it's come from her as well :/. I feel like everything I thought I had told her in confidence has just been one big joke to her . She is going through a rough patch herself at the minute in her marriage and I've been there to listen to her and have offered help where I can and kept everything she has said to myself. I feel like now why did I ever bother being so nice to be treated like this in return .

(Sorry about the *s in the first post btw, I've typed it all up on my phone and it's just being a bit temperamental).

 

[Hunnie]

Only one person so far has told me about what she has said as others that have most likely been around her are more OHs acquaintances who he doesn't really speak to much either so that's why nothing has got back to him and I don't personally know them.

I think I'm just going to try and stop her in her tracks by being friendly and telling her in light chat about the nursery care I have looked into and planning on using. Maybe then she might get this whole idea out of her head?

 

[jojo_2012]

You should wait til she's in the company of the people who she's been telling these lies to, then confront her about it.

It's hard enough to get people to stick by you when you're pregnant, especially at 18, been there done that! But even now there are some people who just get funny when you're happy in your life. I think it's jealousy and they either want to take over and make it about them, or bring you down to beneath them.

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

This person and this situation reminds me so much of someone I know in real life.

In college I became friends with a girl and so both our mother's met each other and become really good friends too. Some days this woman would come over to my mum's house unexpected, uninvited and at an extremely late time in the night, not leaving until 1am/2am sometimes. She would drag my mum out to miles away shopping trips and my mum, like you, never said anything, even though she was exhausted and fed up. She was a very 'bubbly' 'in your face' woman, sounds very much like the woman you're talking about. She didn't have boundaries and didn't take into consideration my mums feelings, even if she was extremely nice!

Anyway, this woman had always shown a nasty side to my mum about people she didn't like, she even bitched about her own daughter! In March this year, my mum didn't get many mother's day presents so this woman decided to act like she was mum and shouted at my 13 year old sister for not getting my mum a present. She got really angry at her and even squared up to her face threatening to hit her I even heard her shouting, but I thought she was just having one of her usual rants about her daughter.

She then left the house in tears and then left an answer-machine message saying she's sorry. I told my friend what her mother had done and that I was absolutely disgusted with the way she spoke to my little sister. Guess what?.. This woman lied and said none of that happened so my mum must be lying. Her family stupidly believed her and the friendship ended there. Me and my friend also ended our 5/6 year friendship a month later.

Her mum is a monster, she was a bitch, a liar and nothing but a backstabber deep down, but tried to cover that up with the 'nice woman' image. Sounds very much like what your 'friend' is doing.

Life has been great for us since she left our lives, my mum use to get really upset when she would turn up out of the blue in the middle of the night.. on a school night! I'm not saying you should throw this woman out of your life because my mum never had the intentions of throwing her friend out of her life, even though she was fed up and upset sometimes. But you should really tell yourself that you don't need her causing drama in your life. It's awfully nice of her to help you out but to bitch about you behind your back like that and make out like you're a bad mother is disgusting. She clearly carries an evil side!

And as for you being an inexperienced teen mum, same here But I know deep down I will be a good mum and I will do anything for my daughter as I love her so much already. I think sometimes adults around me judge me, and say things that kind of hurt me about me being a bad mum. For example, I pretty much always get a lie in.. and a lot of adults around me say that I should stop being lazy like that because I won't be able to have lie ins when Grace is here Just little things like that. Of course motherhood is hard, but I certainly don't intend to sleep in all day and leave my baby to be cared for by someone else. Some people are stupid.

Apologies for the long post, I can just relate a lot to your situation. Hope things get better soon xxx

 

[Hunnie]

Oh tiff I get that a lot too because I haven't really changed yet people are always making comments like I'm not taking it all seriously. I am! But I just don't walk round with a brush up my arse about it all and still laugh and joke around with OH like we always have done. It's hard to explain but I do feel in general people are just shaking their heads at me and I havent actually done anything wrong. I don't drink, I don't smoke or infact do anything that could harm the baby!

Thank you for all the advice ladies! I won't cut her out of my life completely as then I just look like I'm being funny with her and no doubt it will all be denied anyway but I don't think I will make as much effort with our "friendship" as I had.

She has just really hurt me with what she has said and I feel a bit naive and stupid for trusting her in the first place and getting my judgements completely wrong :/

 

[ange34]

OMG what a two faced cow,id do what someone else said and wait till she's in the company of all the people she's called u 2 and bloody confront her....how dare she arrrrh!!! i really hate people like this.i wouldnt let it go hun.it'll backfire on her now coz sounds like she's lost herself a good friend with her imature lies and gossip.i had my son at 18 too and yea help that gets offerd was gratefully apreciated.....by TRUE friends hun not her.best of luck with your little bundle of joy babe,you'll do brilliantly,at the end of the day its her loss and she'll feel her actions when baby comes and isnt a part of all the lovely times ahead,what goes around comes around and she's brought it on herself.take care hun xxx

 

[redbear]

I would wait until you are in a group of people most likely who she has been bitching to and just say 'whats this about you charging me for daycare?' Laugh and say 'i've not asked you to watch LO his/ her grandparents (whoever) will be watching him/her!'.... see what she say's... pull her up that way your been honest not bitchy and its all out in the open then and there. Also these other lasses will know she bullshits so will not confide in her like they may have done before. I have honestly found that getting everything out in a non threatening non angry way seems to be the best because something like that can drag on for months and be more stressful than it needs to be.
If she try's to ask who told you simply say that's not the point they wouldn't have anything to tell if she hadn't said anything.
As for the teen mum thing its harsh but they do get a lot of stick, im 22, married and been with my Husband almost seven years and i still get comments about how young/ quick it is. I also get funny looks when i say 'my husband' at appointments or anything because im young but to cut a long story short after 5 years together we got married because his mum had heart attack and my mum has a lung disease so we wanted to get married while they where both well enough to enjoy the day.
But people are stupid, they make a snap judgment and stick to it, the best thing you can do is not sink to her level and prove your more mature than her xx

 

[Geminiblue]

Print out what you have written on your first post and give it to her. Then walk away, it says it all, hurt, betrayal, dissappointment. BUT walk away. As for the teen mum thing....no matter what age you are you can be a decent parent teenage or not so you hang on in there hunni. Do not listen to peoples poison. You do what is best for you, your baby and your OH you sound fab xxx

 

[DaisyPurple]

Print out what you have written on your first post and give it to her. Then walk away, it says it all, hurt, betrayal, dissappointment. BUT walk away. As for the teen mum thing....no matter what age you are you can be a decent parent teenage or not so you hang on in there hunni. Do not listen to peoples poison. You do what is best for you, your baby and your OH you sound fab xxx

Couldn't have said it better myself x

 

[Hunnie]

Thank you everyone for your support!

I did feel at first I was just letting my hormones get to me but I still feel really hurt and the feeling hasn't really subsided yet, whereas usually when I'm annoyed it only lasts an hour or so and then I just feel a bit stupid to how I've reacted.

Gemini, Id love to have the guts to do that but I'm not the most outspoken person going and I don't have the balls . I think I'm just going to be a lot more wary of her from now on and as others have said, it's her loss as she now won't have any involvement at all with baby ie. We both won't be making the effort in paying her visits or inviting her around :/ which is such a shame as I've always looked upto her as someone to take guidance from and thought a lot about her :/

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Sounds like she's a jealous twat tbh!! Just coz she's having problems in her relationship and she is jealous of your happiness!! Don't listen to rumors let it go over your head it's not worth getting down about.. Don't forget Chinese whispers.. Things can be exaggerated sometimes for effect coz everyone loves a drama! Maybe confront her as a friend about it not all heated but genuinely show ur upset..

As for being a teen mum who says u need to be deadly serious? Why can't you be yourself still? I changed when I had my first but changed naturally with hormones.. The benefit of being a teen mum is u have the energy to be a fun parent!! I was 18 when I had j so I know how u feel.. I look younger than what I am even now so u can imagine to dirty looks I used to get.. My mum even bought me a cheap wedding ring from Argos so she could shout at people for looking funny at me when we went shopping! Even had it when I was 21 and preg with Ellie and Jaycee looked twice her age!! I just laughed at them in the end.. It does get better and tbh it makes u stronger.

Don't take any shit from anyone babe!!