I feel really upset and confused today!

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by So_hopeful81, Jan 22, 2012.

  1. So_hopeful81

    So_hopeful81 Well-Known Member

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    This is a really long post so i'll apologise now!
    Today I think has been one of the worst days I have had for a LONG time!
    The problem is - its for really bad reasons!!!

    1. (This is awful!) today I found out (from my mum) that my older sister is pregnant. Little bit of background history. My sister has been trying to get pregnant for 3 years since her first daughter was born. She struggled. Then when I got pregnant in September 2010, she wouldn't really talk to me. I miscarried, and she brought herself to say sorry but didn't really give any support. When I got pregnant the next time again she stopped talking to me, and when I miscarried again she said sorry but no support! This time pregnant, she has almost kept her distance from me. She has given me no support during tough scans or upsetting news. She has made her excuses as to why she couldn't make a special tea that my mum and aunties had organised for me after some really tough scans to try to celebrate the pregnancy rather than always have to have so many medical conversations about it. As you can see, my sister and I have drifted right apart in the last few years! It doesn't help that I think her husband is a complete arsehole, who puts every member of my family down! It doesn't help that I hosted Christmas and her family came to our house and at no point did her or her husband talk to my fiancé!
    Anyway - the long and short of it is, I am really happy she's pregnant because she's my sis but it suddenly made me rethink my situation right now... Which brings me to point 2!

    2. I love my unborn daughter! I will fight for her and protect her as much as I can for ever... But I am petrified about her having down syndrome now! I don't mean I wish she was different- because she is who she is, and I have accepted that! I am just petrified about how well I am going to cope with it! Then it gets me to thinking 'why me!' which as a question it drives me mad! Why not me? What is so special about me!? Why shouldn't I have this child? There is no reasons for this - and yet still at the back of
    My mind I hear myself say 'why me and not my sister? Friend? That woman down the street!? I feel sick by my thoughts and feelings! I am confused and angry with myself- and I don't even understand my own thoughts!

    Anyway - anyone who is still reading this... Thank you and I am sorry for my bad attitude! I don't have a clue what's going on!!!!
     
  2. x_larlybelle_x

    x_larlybelle_x Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun. Don't really know what to say but ur baby chose YOU to be her mummy. She k SW she would be loved and accepted by you for who she is. It takes an extra special person to be able to face what u have suing ur pregnancy.

    The reason it is you and not ur sister/friend/random off the street is because she knew I would be there for her. Some people would have given up when they found out she has ds. You have carried on, you may have struggled at time with it all, but she is still here and has you to thank for that. Ur sister doesn't sound very mature to me, I know how hard it is when people around u get pg and u r struggling as I have been there, but I would always have offered support to them, no matter what I was feeling.

    Ur little girl is an extra special present in ur life, and I think she chose the best mummy she could've wished for xxxx
     
  3. l_maclean

    l_maclean Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: I'm with larly - you've been chosen to have a very special baby - one who might be a little bit different - but has been given to parents who will embrace that difference.

    You've already proven how much you love your LO already, despite all you've had to deal with - a lot of people out there would have given up.

    Xxx
     
  4. hugsy

    hugsy Well-Known Member

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    awww hunnie so sorry ur struggling

    im afraid i dont have any advice only that there is nothing worng with what your thinkin, why me does not mean u think someone else deserves it instead , its a natural human thought process to want ur child to be as healty as possible so try not to let your feelings get you ger u worked up., i know thats easier said than done though hun , hugs xxx
     
  5. l_maclean

    l_maclean Well-Known Member

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    And don't worry about "attitude" we all have moments where we feel down, stressed, scared etc. That's why we're all here for each other. This is the place to talk about it. Xxx
     
  6. jayx2

    jayx2 Well-Known Member

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    I think the way you are feeling must be completely normal & you wouldn't be human if you didnt have these thoughts going through ur head at some point I agree with what the other ladies have said your little girl chose you & you are going to be a fab mummy to her you've done so well so far with coping with it youre a stronger person than you think ... & this is defo the place to let it all out dont hold back hun were all here to listen & try our best to help you out :hug: x
     
  7. pixie17

    pixie17 Well-Known Member

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    i dont think you have a bad attitude, i would say what you are feeling is quite natural. i dont know if you would be into this but i just read a good book called 'a mother like Alex' which is about a lady who has adopted children with Downs. it made me laugh and cry as well as being really educational. just thinking it may help a little xx
     
  8. beckyboo1

    beckyboo1 Well-Known Member

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    As the others have said you've been chosen to have your special girl
    Because you are special and whoever you believe in knew that you'd have the strength and courage to cope.

    I guess like most things on life that don't go as planned you always think why me and I guess your sister is an easier person to place those thoughts on. I also have a harder relationship with my sister since being pregnant due to her jealousy (not that she'd admit it) and I find it hard at times as does my mum.

    I guess you just have to keep calm and carry you. You obviously already are a fab mum and you'll carry on being one when your LO arrives.

    Xxx keep smiling and think of all the beautiful things you have in your life
     
  9. Nic36

    Nic36 Well-Known Member

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    Just wanted to reiterate what the other ladies have said... Your little girl has chosen to have you as her mummy because she knows you are and will be the special person that will have the strength and optimism to be the perfect mummy for your daughter.
    As for those feelings of 'why me?' - they are perfectly normal and you shouldn't feel bad about that. Everybody feels that way sometimes and it's just part of being human. Try to go easy on yourself... Pregnancy hormones can makes us feel emotions much more intensely than we would perhaps normally. *hugs* xx
     
  10. Verity2011

    Verity2011 Well-Known Member

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    Again just to send :hugs: and reiterate what the other girls are saying. You are an amazing woman and have handled everything so well and this is what will make you an amazing mother to your gorgeous daughter. Don't worry about feelings and attitude, everyone during pregnancy gets worried anyway and with everything going on with your sister, it's completely understandable. Just allow yourself to feel the way you do and don't beat yourself up about it. You have nothing to feel guilty about and you will soon feel better again esp. once the shock of your sister's pregnancy settles in a bit xxxxx
     
  11. So_hopeful81

    So_hopeful81 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you so much girls!
    I am so pleased I have all of you to talk to. I will be so unbelievably sad when tri 3 finishes and we won't be chatting all of te time! Xxx
     
  12. jojo_2012

    jojo_2012 Well-Known Member

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    I think pregnancy brings out some weird feelings in people. I've lost best friends (not got a sister but I imagine arguements are even easier to have) during BOTH my pregnancies. But as soon as baby comes along people seem to change their tune and things you never thought would get resolved do. I think when baby comes along your family are gonna love your baby as much as you and eat their words 100%
     
  13. leannesxb

    leannesxb Well-Known Member

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    You have been such an amazingly positive person through this tough time that you deserve a moments anger and frustration. On top of those horrible hormones you are dealing with a life changing situation.
    From working with children with special needs I can tell you that those children always chose the best people to be their parents and your little girl chose you. She did that because she knew you were strong and positive and that you would love her no matter what. She also knew that your sister, friend or the woman walking down the street may not have been strong enough to keep her and she may not have made it this far in life. You and your partner are your little girls guardian angels, you have given her a chance to live honey and for that you should be so proud of yourselves. xxxxxxxxxxx
     
  14. BabyBrain

    BabyBrain Well-Known Member

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    :hug: oh sweetie I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

    Any moron can make a baby but not everyone can raise one to be a decent human being. I found myself actually feeling sorry for your unborn niece/nephew who will be saddled with such fickle spiteful parents. What chance will that baby have? Absolutely none compared to your children! My mum was a Matron for Barnardo's in the early 60s when many DS children were taken there and just forgotten about by their parents, no visitors, no Christmas or birthday presents. 10 years ago my mum received an invitation to the wedding of 2 of those children who had fallen in love and were getting married. It was lovely and she cried non stop for pretty much the whole day bless her. People with DS and disabilities have just as much a chance of living perfectly normal lives as other children and with parents like you two your little girls will have an unbelievable childhood which builds the foundations to a great older life.

    You have been very blessed to have your daughters, and so have they to have you xxxxxxxxx
     
  15. beckyboo1

    beckyboo1 Well-Known Member

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    And don't worry about the not talking after Tri 3...we'll just all be worrying about babies feeding /sleeping habits and anything else tht comes to mind in baby and toddler!! xx
     
  16. BabyBrain

    BabyBrain Well-Known Member

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    I'll be the one in the corner dribbling and mumbling about finding a happy place xxxxxxxx
     
  17. leannesxb

    leannesxb Well-Known Member

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    I'll be the one dribbling and rocking on my rocking chair in the corner!!!!!!
     
  18. Bee7

    Bee7 Well-Known Member

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    Totally agree with everything the ladies have said here. I've seen lots of posts from you on here and you have always remained so strong and positive about your little girl. Your sister sounds like a selfish person who is only concerned with herself, this is why she took YOUR pregnancies as some sort of personal insult against her rather than seeing them for what they were...life changing events for YOU. This is why your little girl chose you to be her mum, because you're so clearly not selfish and will be strong enough to deal with any challenges she brings. Ultimately she will be a credit to you, i'm sure of it.

    Everyone is entitled to down days and never feel guilty about having these thoughts. It's perfectly natural. Really hope things pick up for you hun xxx
     
  19. Esperanza84

    Esperanza84 Well-Known Member

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    I totally agree with the other ladies!!! You seem strong!!! Hope you feel better soon!!

    :hugs:
     
  20. hellywelly

    hellywelly Well-Known Member

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    I second what everyone else says - throughout everything your posts have always been positive and everything you do is reflected in the fact you want the best for your LO. We are all having moments of doubt during pregnancy, DS or not!! You are going to be a very fab mummy. Big hugs. xxx
     

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