TTC out the window!!

[Drummers_wife]

Long story short - Well last night me an hubby had a blazing row!! He said I needed to lose weight as I'd put on "loads" in the last 3.5yrs so I took my rings off and told him to hold on to them until I was skinny enough for him!! Well he says he was only passed 1, row escalates and he throws the other away (this is in the street on way home after quite a few martinis!!)
Divorce was mentioned an I've never seen him so angry!!
Once home managed to calm down an resolve a few things - he came to bed told me he did love me an fell asleep, and has apologised this morning!!
But I'm still without my rings- will go look for them once it's light and I don't think ttc is our main priority so I'm gona be lying low for a while I'll still check up on you guys goodluck and hopefully when I'm back you'll all be in tri 1 anyways x
Bye x

 

[Mummy2Adam]

Sorry to hear this hunny, hope you sort everything out and you are back with us very soon. Hope you manage to find your rings this morning hunny. Sending you massive x x

 

[Kezzamunster]

Oh hun, sending you massive

Sorry about last night & hope everything gets sorted soon

xxx

 

[Mrs N]

Oh no!! Hope you find them hunni!! If not you can always pick new ones on insurance? xxx

 

[SunnyGirl]

Oh no that sounds awful. I hope you guys are ok xxxx things will calm down as they always do and good things will follow. Blazing rows can be a catalyst for better things - sounds funny but it's true.

Hugs xxx

 

[Pickledonions]

How rude of him Im not surprised you will put ttc on the backburner. I dont supopose hes anything special

 

[Drummers_wife]

Well didn't find the rings!! Been out an bought a new wedding band felt so guilty without it!! Engagement ring will have to wait til next month cos were going away for my bday so can't afford to replace it yet!!
Apparently our insurance doesn't cover it x
Cooking a nice meal tonight to sit an talk as some really hurtful things were said- he feels as bad as I do so think we've cleared the air maybe won't have to put ttc off but I'm not in any rush this month so well see how it goes!!
Does any1 have step kids??? It's really hard and he said I'm a terrible step mum so what kinda mum am I going to be?? Terrible I guess! So best not ttc until I can be a good mum x

 

[SunnyGirl]

Well didn't find the rings!! Been out an bought a new wedding band felt so guilty without it!! Engagement ring will have to wait til next month cos were going away for my bday so can't afford to replace it yet!!
Apparently our insurance doesn't cover it x
Cooking a nice meal tonight to sit an talk as some really hurtful things were said- he feels as bad as I do so think we've cleared the air maybe won't have to put ttc off but I'm not in any rush this month so well see how it goes!!
Does any1 have step kids??? It's really hard and he said I'm a terrible step mum so what kinda mum am I going to be?? Terrible I guess! So best not ttc until I can be a good mum x

Aww hun sorry you didn't find the rings

I think you have to disregard things said in the heat of the moment. As things escalate, things are said to wound rather than having any basis in truth. He so doesn't think you're a bad step mum it was just something he used as a weapon cos he knew it would hurt and he was hurting himself. I hate when stuff gets said cos it just hangs around in your head and causes more damage than people realise. You guys have a lovely dinner and thrash it all out. It'll all be OK and just agree that things mustn't get said again!! I think alcohol has a lot to answer for when fights break out - not judging cos been there myself...
xxxxxxx

 

[star fish]

Blimey! I dont know your relationship but sounds like one of two things - either you guys have tempestuous fights (we do all the time and it means nothing) and this one got out of hand, or this guy sounds really bad for your self esteem!

If its the first one then I'm so sorry that it resulted in you losing your rings! How awful and I bet you feel bruised by his comments even though they were said in a row and he's sorry. A bit of love and spoiling each other and talkign should put it right again.

But it could be the second? The fact he said those things and the fact you seem to be so down on yourself (not a good stepmum etc) sounds a tiny bit like you are indeed suffering from low self esteem and he's making it worse. In which case I would think seriously about whether you do want kids with him......

I really hope you know for sure which it is..... sending you massive hugs. Be strong and dont you go and buy yourself another ring! If he loves you he will do it

 

[Drummers_wife]

thanx girls really does help to talk things over on here as i dont wana tell any of my mates whats happened- ive spoken to my sister as were really close and that was good cos i know she wont tell any of the family and shes my confidant

starfish thanx for the 2 sides but jerry is a lovely man he really is- and we never row a few bickers but thats about it- weve had 2 massive arguements in 3.5yrs thats including last nite! alcohol has a big part to play as sunny said and i really hope he doesnt think im a bad stepmum i know the kids dont particularly like me but i do my best! they are 11 + 14 yr old boys im not gona be their best pal and dont have much in common but i still try!!

 

[midnight]

oh please dont worry about being there friends its hard to fill some shoes iykwim my dh is step dad to my eldest 3 and its hard on us all sometimes as we have a different way of parenting and it took ages for my eldest to accept him kind of, but we had 1 child together biologically and another on the way and he is a brilliant dad xx

 

[Mrs N]

You have to bear n mind the stress that ttc has on a relationship and sometimes men find it hard too!! Mind you, you do have to say to him that it hurts your feelings when he says things like that as he prob just said it in the heat of the moment and regrets it now! Try and take some time together and go out on a few dates so that it reminds you both that you love each other!!
I also dont think that being a step mum can be anything like being a mum and im sure you are great at both!
Why dont you just get him to buy you an eternity ring if you cant find em so that you can get one really nice ring!! Also have you told the police as they might get someone honest who hands it in?!?
xxx

 

[SunnyGirl]

Good idea re the Police Mrs N! Also local pawn shops for the not so honest...

 

[Mummy2Adam]

I agree with mrs n and sunny, they are 2 good places to try. Shame you have to think about the last one though but i guess some people are like that
Hope you have a lovely evening hunny and its lovely that you can talk it over and clear the air.
Everyone says things in heated arguements, if i believed my OH id be a syco maniac, bad mother and plenty of other things but wanted to keep it clean! x x

 

[Young Mum 21 x]

dont be so hard on yourself.. NOONE is a bad mum.. we all say things in argument we regret.. i know i sure have! i bet ud be a brilliant mam!! all the best!! x

 

[Princess81]

Yah try seeing if the rings have been handed in, it does happen now and then.
Sounds like it was all very upsetting for you both, I hope you work thru it xxx

 

[star fish]

Glad you are feeling a bit better about it. teenage boys? There is no way they are going to love you, they will be super protective of their mother, I dont think there is any way at all that it can be any reflection on your own mothering skills.

I agree with the others about seeing if the ring handed in. I once found one and it was outside a cafe so I took it inside and handed it in at the counter. i figured the owner would go back to where they last remembered having it. I also listed it in the lost and found on Gumtree, I dont know if you have one for your town?

Why dont you stay and hang out with us even if you are puttting TTC on hold for a bit? x

 

[Olive]

Just read this thread. Hope you're ok hun. I agree with everyones advice. Things are sometimes said in the heat of the moment with the intention to hurt, but I'm sure it wasn't all true. Hope you have a good chat and sort things out. I agree with sunny that sometimes these things are good and it clears the air, makes you realise how much you love each other, etc. X

 

[Drummers_wife]

Thank you so so much for all your support it really does mean alot!!
We had a lovely evening last nite, nice meal, candles and a long chat cleared the air with alot of things said !
He apologised about a million times I think, he said he wants to have a baby asap and I will be a fab mum he said I need to try be less moody when kids are here and as I said to him if your moody cos of af or a bad 14.5hr shift or something it's not because of the kids an they should know that!!
Well we made up and were back on track for ttc I asked if he wanted to take break if it was stressful but no he wanted to continue ttc x x
Thanx again girls really needed the support yesterday an it was fab x x

 

[Mummy2Adam]

so glad everything is ok hunny and that you are continuing ttc. Sounds like you had a lovely night last night x x