Tough decision

[VikkiR]

I'm struggling with this colic business along with lack of sleep and not having the time to take care of my basic needs most days. I am permanently on edge, ashamed everytime I look in the mirror and I am utterly miserable. I am thinking of going back to work and full time because I can't cope on my own during the day. I keep telling myself the colic will pass and I'd regret going back to work but I hit desperation 3 weeks ago. I've packed my bags so many times I just want to run away. I feel like I've let my dh and dd down so badly I just don't want to do this anymore. My rational mind tells me to hang in there but my emotional tanks are empty. No idea what to do, not even enough time to have a nervous breakdown!

 

[pinkyprincess]

Maybe you should see a doctor and see if they can put you on some Meds?

I hate to hear of one of us feeling like this!

 

[BabyBrain]

I'm sorry you are feeling like this chick. Have you told anyone how you feel? It does sound like you have totally had enough. Rather than jump straight back to work and possibly regret it could you afford to put LO into day care or get someone to have her round their house one or two times a week and see how you get on? If nothing else it would give you some peace and alone time.

You haven't let anyone down chick but you obviously need to sort something out for your own sanity xxxxxxxxx

 

[VikkiR]

Meds don't work I tried numerous before I got pregnant thanks to my ex trying to send me over the edge. I'm a professional educated woman who works in a male environment yet I can't cope with a baby and one I've been trying for for 20 years. I feel utterly wretched x

 

[BabyBrain]

Hunny I would rather face an entire army than deal with Bertie sometimes. I never for one minute thought that someone so little could be so domineering! I dunno maybe us long time ttc'ers had a rose tinted view of motherhood that gets shot to bits in the first 10 minutes?

Meds are fine for treating symptoms but you need to find a way to deal with the cause of your anxiety and stress.

 

[katie_lou]

Awwww hun I hope ur ok , being a mum is the hardest job in the world . My LO has terrible colic and we began using gripe water and changed her bottles to dr brown , changing her bottle worked wonders for us . Do you FF or Bf if you do ff try changing her bottles and also her milk and you could also try a nice warm bath for your LO as this is also ment to help . I know how you feel when your LO has colic it is so hard but it does get better . Xxx

 

[Nurse 26]

oh hun, its so tough being a new mummy, can you maybe talk to your HV about it? or someone else? hope your ok

 

[Belfast girl]

Colic is tough, so tough, but (and you are probably sick of hearing this) it will pass and then she will be a different baby!

Is there anyone you could leave your lo with for some time so you can have a bath, go for a walk by yourself etc? i leave my lo with my mil and fil one day a week - i don't think we could survive otherwise and she never even had colic!

 

[Jaxx01]

Aww hunni colic is a horrible thing to deal with! What worked for me was coilef and dr browns bottle! I swear by then!! They are slightly dearer and a faff to clean but honestly well worth it!!

So sorry to hear you are havin a hard time but please just hang in there hun cx

 

[Sarah13]

Aww being a mum is so hard, please don't beat yourself up about it. You do sound like you might have a little bit of pnd, have you spoken to your HV? There will be other options to meds and just speaking to people could help you massively. Maybe going back to work part time could be an answer, like one day a week, you will get the little break you desire without compromising too much time that you might later regret. This stage will pass and you will start to enjoy your baby, once they get over the colicy stage they are so much fun as they begin to interact lots with you.

My friend who's also a professional and older first time mummy had severe pnd, with terrible thoughts but once she got the help and admitted it to herself, friends and family she got through it and began to enjoy her baby, she swore she would never have another baby but 2 years on shes pregnant again and hopeful this time round will be more enjoyable.

 

[LoopyLouize]

Hun I am sorry your feeling like this. Colic is really really hard! I felt like you did weeks ago. I tried everything possible. Harlow cried for 22 hours solid one day and I actually felt like waking out and leaving so much this day. I seen my best friends baby boy who was a week older than Harlow and seen how happy and content, quiet and loveable he was and actually I am ashamed to admit now that I thought "why couldnt I have had a baby like him".

It is true it does pass. It really does. It seems like that 12 week milestone is a decade away and that it will never come but trust me, it is literally just around the corner. It comes up without you realising!! I look at Harlow and wonder how the hell she got to 14 weeks old!

Also, you may find that because you have dealt with such a difficult baby at the start, when they become older and have little crying tantrums I bet you deal with them like a walk in the park!

If you ever need to talk please feel free to PM me. I had a few ideas that helped me that may help you if you get stuck x

 

[Samsgirl]

oh sweetheart...i'm an older first time mum too who is also used to be in control in a very stressful and professional environment at work...

and i never thought i would say this but being at work was easier!!! this is the hardest job in the world and some days i wish i could have my own life back. but then i look at LO and just think how we are getting through the hardest parts now and i think about the future and her first words and her first walk and all that stuff and i just know it's all worth it. although somedays i struggle to see that.

i have had the hardest 12 weeks of my life and i have also wanted to walk a few times and when she screams, i find myself just crying with her,,...very often

but you will get through this.......honestly, we all will..but i would def speak to your HV or GP xx

 

[ZMD]

Sorry your feeling like this hun, everyone is right and colic will pass!

Hun I am sorry your feeling like this. Colic is really really hard! I felt like you did weeks ago. I tried everything possible. Harlow cried for 22 hours solid one day and I actually felt like waking out and leaving so much this day. I seen my best friends baby boy who was a week older than Harlow and seen how happy and content, quiet and loveable he was and actually I am ashamed to admit now that I thought "why couldnt I have had a baby like him".

It is true it does pass. It really does. It seems like that 12 week milestone is a decade away and that it will never come but trust me, it is literally just around the corner. It comes up without you realising!! I look at Harlow and wonder how the hell she got to 14 weeks old!

Also, you may find that because you have dealt with such a difficult baby at the start, when they become older and have little crying tantrums I bet you deal with them like a walk in the park!

If you ever need to talk please feel free to PM me. I had a few ideas that helped me that may help you if you get stuck x

Louise I think your right there. Tegan was a very difficult baby but her toddler tantrums don't phase me at all! xx

 

[My1stBaby]

Oh hun

I also swear by dr brown bottles and colief!! Also music and cradling whilst singing in their ear. Works better when OH does it cause his voice is deeper.

Pop LO in the pram and walk, and just keep walking!! It helps sooo much. I really hope you feel better soon xxxxxxxxx

 

[beckyboo1]

As the others have said being a mummy is the hardest. I too was a professional career woman in a very make dominated environment managing them and I'd take them on every day of the week over hearing Harry cry

I can't comment on the colic but like the others have said it will pass and your gorgeous LO will still be there

Have you managed to speak to your OH about how you feel? Is he supporting you enough? Xxx

 

[hellywelly]

Big hugs. I think we all have days of desperation and it's very normal. I seriously think a colicky newborn should be employed by MI5 as a form of torture!! Everyone is here to support you and I can only second their advice. As Winston Churchill used to say, KBO!! (Keep Buggering On!). There will come a time, however far away, that you suddenly realise things have gotten easier without you even noticing. xxx

 

[VikkiR]

Thank you ladies, your kind words of encouragement have made me cry. My OH knows as he's watched me pack my bags numerous times. I imagine he sits in the car on the driveway for a few mins bracing himself before he comes in from work as he knows what state I'll be in. I thought we'd turned a corner with colic after I'd been to docs with lo but since she did the 70 min car journey on Wesnesday it's been as bad as ever. I don't have anyone to give me 5 mins during the day. My mum and Oh's mum live 90 mins away and tbh they're quite old and wouldn't cope, same with my dad. I'm an only child so no help there. Grandparents obviously died years ago. I emailed work to ask how soon I could return just to see. I think it's 8 weeks before I can go back but if things improve in the meantime I'd regret it. I saw the HV on Tuesday who didn't think it was PND but would do the questionnaire on her next visit in 4 weeks. And yep work is a cinch compared to this. Thanks again for your support, I really do appreciate it xxx

 

[l_maclean]

i dont really have much to add, especially as i have no experience of colic - but do you have child care arranged for going back to work. could you maybe put your LO into a nursery for one day a week or something to give yourself a break rather than going straight back and regretting it.

xxx

 

[Nic36]

Huge hugs... This really is the most difficult job in the world, and nothing quite prepares you for it. As an older mummy myself, I thought with all the experiences I have had in my life, this would be a walk in the park. I nursed both my parents in the final stages of their life, I also have no siblings, so dealt with the loss of my parents all alone... I believed that made me much stronger emotionally and mentally, and that i would be able to cope with anything life throws at me, but boy has parenthood knocked me for six! I am ashamed to admit in the early weeks I had thoughts of putting my poor baby up for adoption - I just couldn't cope and had no-one to call onto help me. I thought i had made the biggest mistake of my life. QMy husband is very supportive, but works full time, so it is just me and LO every day. I had wanted my miracle baby to be born for so many years and felt so guilty that i couldnt cope and was having thoughts of giving her away.
But this forum is fantastic because you realise you are not alone in your struggles. i think it is so hard when you are used to being successful at what you do professionally - and probably have been for some time. I try to think back to when I was starting something new - whether learning to drive a car, or a new language, and how difficult I found it. This is no different - babies can be so hard and feeling alone all day with your LO is incredibly difficult. You are basically with your LO 24/7 and that is increibly tough! I really would speak to your GP if your HV isn't being very helpful. There may ne more help out there than you realise. Really hope you can get yourself some help. Xx

 

[Cazza]

Another geriatric first time mother used to a hard world at work here!!

Being a mother is soooo the hardest thing I have ever had to do. R had colic and reflux in the early weeks and it was incredibly difficult at times and yes I too felt like running away.........in fact I did a few times - I just had to pop her down take a deep breath and spend 10 mins in the garden with my dogs and a cup of tea.

The colic will eventually ease off.

Are you able to leave OH in contoroll for a couple of hours once a week and go have your hair done or do some shopping?

I find this invaluable for me, I've gone back to agility classes with one of the dogs and for an hour I'm me again.

Hang on in there hunny xx