Too young?

[xshauna_bazx]

I am 20 and i have been with my boyfriend nearly 3 years and i am desperate for a baby its all i think about 24/7 i sometimes even get upset i want one so much. The thought of looking after another life and watching them grow is amazing!
I have spoke to people about it eg my mam and she says i'm stupid and i'm too young. my mam had me at 16 and she likley wants me to go out and have fun and enjoy my life first because she never, which i understand why she would be bothered about not wanting me to make the same mistakes. It seems my family are really happy when they hear about someone else having a baby and love them but when it comes to me its all different, i would like them to respect what i want i mean its not like im a teenager, im an adult. I would really like you opinions on this dont be harsh though if you disagree
thanks xxx

 

[becks20]

i had my daughter when i was 16 and it was the hardest thing, im now 20 and due to have my 2nd baby the month before im 21 and i sometimes think to myself, maybe i shouldnt have had my daughter because i was so young and i didnt have a proper teenage life. If you have sorted out what career you want and know all that you want then i guess a baby at your age is fine. I never got to finish school or go college and its kinda messed my life up but theres no going back for me.

Good luck x

 

[xshauna_bazx]

i wouldnt care what i couldnt do in life and would like to i just want a baby xxx
Thanks for your comment it made me feel alot better xxx

 

[ToffeePop]

I'm not criticising anyone who wants a baby young -not in the slightest - before I write my post I just want to make that clear.

I was talking to my hubby about this the other night. When I was younger, I desperately wanted children. From the age of about 19 I thought that having a baby would be just brilliant and , because I love being around kids etc. , didn't see that age was a problem.

Fast forward a couple of years, to the present day. I now KNOW what it is to have a child - not a baby. The work involved, the difficulties that it presents, and am more mature than I was at 19 - possibly not by much - but definitely know what it means to create a life, not a baby, and everything that it implies. And am ready for that. I've grown, learned, experienced some absolutely amazing life-experiences - made mistakes that I wouldn't wish on anyone BUT don't regret them, and know that I can continue to enjoy my life without having "missed out" on anything. I also have a wide variety of experiences and knowledge to pass on to a child (fingers crossed we manage to have even just 1) and look forward not just to the "having a baby" stage - which I admit at 19 was the biggest "awww" factor - but also to seeing a child develop, learn new skills, and be one of two main influences and teachers in the child's life.

It's not about not-having fun when you have a child (proof is that children are a great laugh!) it's about shaping a small person into a responsible, loving, kind, considerate adult. The getting-pregnant-having-a-baby part is just the tip of the iceberg. Perhaps wait a while until you're ready to know a bit more as to what you want out of life as a whole - I know that I am nearly 34 and still don't always know.

I think you need to have a long think about what it means to have a baby/child/small person/teenager/adult and how you would deal with not just what that implies for you, but also for the child-to-be itself. What is it that is making you want a child? (Rhetorical question).

Hope that helps.

 

[xshauna_bazx]

I am not bothered about having a career I would rather be a mother, and as for what I want in life... that is it. all I do is work now and I am not the sort of person who goes out round town/getting drunk (I don't drink) I prefer a night in with a DVD. I just think all that is missing in my life is a baby and that if i had one my life would be complete. I know as kids get older the harder they get esp with school problems and everything else kids go through but if I had a baby... I would have to deal with all of that as it was my decision to have a baby therefore my responsibility. xxx

 

[Chellybaby88]

Really loved your post Toffeepop.

Shauna, i was 17 when i fell pregnant with DD and i wouldn't change her for the world. But for being 22 i have missed out on alot in life but gained so much as well.

I know what it is to feel unconditional love and to miss someone so much your heart might burst. Her laugh brings a smile to my face and when she tells me she loves me i almost cry a little.

But on the other hand, i wish i had waited a little longer before i became a mum as its only now that i am trying to discover who i am and feel i have missed out a little on my youth.

I love Leoni with all my heart and i never consider her a mistake. We did what was right for us and not everyone will agree.

If you want a baby then by all means bring a little life into the world but, as Toffeepop mentioned, they do not stay babies forever and you are responsible for looking after them for the next 16+ years. It's a huge commitment but if you feel you still want to have a child then that is entirely up to you.

You also say that you are not interested in a career etc, have you thought about what you will do when your children grow up and move on? You also need to think about YOUR future as well as theirs.

I don't think age matters when you become a mum as i was young but i am a fantastic mum and the responsability changed me for the better.

Age doesn't define how good a mother you are.

Good luck in whatever you decide xx

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

I was 21 when I had my daughter but had a full time job and a career! When my daughter was about a year old, I did start getting down a little as my friends who don't have children were going out or buying houses etc. But now I'm nearly 25 and expecting my 2nd and now know I wasn't too young! I'm glad I had my daughter when I did and wouldn't change my life at all! It's a personnal choice if you think your mature enough, you've been with your partner longer than I was with my OH when we had lacey! Goodluck x x

 

[BabyLover]

I would sit down and speak with your partner, is this what he wants?

I think you need to have a long and hard think about it, bringing a child into the world don't just take up your time and engery, but they are very expensive and get more expensive when they start to grow up...so unless you both have really well paid jobs then you are ok, but if you haven't then sorry to say it's going to be a struggle and I know what it is like as a child being bought up in a struggling enviroment and it is horrible and scars you for life, because you as a child all you see is other children having really good stuff, cloths and gadgets and here's you not allowed anything because your parents can't afford it. I am not daying that's a reason not to have a child, but it is something to consider and think about.

As you are still young, I would consider to get a career first and do the things you want to do otherwise you will regret it. I think you need to be ready emotionally and financally...I am 24 and currently trying for a baby, but I have done everything, I have gone college, university and got the career I want and we are ready financally now as well as emotinally...

Just take time to think things through, I am not having a go but there are too many babies being bought into this world and it's us taxpayers who end up paying for them because the mother's decide not to go back work or they can't afford the childcare costs so have to give up work! (This is not directed at you or anyone in particular, but it is like that nowadays)

I wish you all the luck in the world in whatever you decide

Donna xx

 

[xshauna_bazx]

thanks for all your comments, i work and pay tax and yeah i know what you mean, i work 7 days a week. Just because i have not got any money i wouldn't want to put it on hold as i know i never will have any. but i can still be a mother, i do not want to do anything else in my life. xxx

 

[toni64539]

Now you might not sweetie, but honestly, novelty will wear off when they're seven and tantruming and saying I hate mummy, nice to have some escapism and security, I'm 22 next month so am only young myself so don't think age is a problem but I have my own business that will be waiting for me when or if I do return to work, just remember that they do grow up, and no focus when they are at school can cause depression. All the best whatever you decide. You just may feel different somewhere down the line, you change so much all through your twenties I'm sure and what you want now might not be what you want in ten years

 

[frankie247]

Good luck with whatever you decide...

I've felt for a very long time that all i want from life is a family. I've just turned 23. I tried to look at the situation objectively a few years ago. I wasnt in a great situation at the time, i wondered how i could possibly provide for the child, and especially as they got older and their needs got more extensive. At such a young age i wondered if i was wise enough to bring up a family, and would i regret it in the future having children so young, even though at the time i felt like it was all i wanted in the world. I also wanted to give the child the same upbringing i had.

I realised that i was focusing on having a child, because a) my body was telling me that i was 'of age' to have a child and b) i had nothing else to focus on in my life.

I'm so glad i waited because now:

I have been to University and Graduated with my degree
I have been travelling and seen some of the world
I am in a much better financial position (because i'm a graduate)
I have met the man i'm going to spend the rest of my life with and we get married in just over 1 weeks time.

We'll then start ttc as a proper family unit. My Fiance has a very well paid job, we live comfortably and our future prospects are good. I'm also thinking about completing my Masters or a PostGrad Diploma.

The urge to have a child, never went away, and its only taken me 3 years to achieve those things...but in hindsight i'm so glad i waited, and they passed so quickly aswell.

 

[ria__x]

Hello

what i have to say is.. Just think about what you want in life etc. If the guy your with is 'the one' and think you're going to have a long-lasting life with him as two parent families i think are quite important.. And of course talk to him and see if having kids is what he wants..

Then go ahead and try to conceive!

In this day and age there's so much help out there, and it's not as if you'd be classed as a young mum. You're 20!

I'm 19 and expecting my little boy riley in 10 weeks and i can't wait. Ever since i found out i was pregnant it's put me on the right track in life and i certainly had a long think about it, as i wasn't even trying!

So good luck hun i hope you find your path of enlightment xxx

 

[alanjs1988]

Not To Be Rude But The Other People Posting Comments Are Abit Silly, Being Young Isn't A Burden Anymore Its A Blessing Your Able To Play With Your Child And Run And Have Fun And Your Atleast Fit Enough To Do Stuff And Have Some Relatability I Dont Think This Is A Bad Thing Cos When They're 10 You'll Be 30 Rather Them 40 or 50 When You Start Losing Your Stamina and What Not Im 22 And My Fiancee's 19 And Were More Then Happy We Are Both Prepared And Cant Wait For Our Babies Arrival Id Recommend To anyone Whos Prepared For Dirty Nappies And The Biggest Amount Of Love You'll Have For Anything, So Do What You Decide Dont Let People Give There Negative Narrowminded Opinions And When It Comes Down To Politics You Get Barely anything when Your in Work So Its Nothing to Do With The "Tax Payers" Even So Better You Than The Big Fat Mp's Anyway lol,

Hope This Was Helpful

Alan Salt

 

[toni64539]

Narrowminded?!?! Silly?!?!? Negative?!?!? Just re read everything we all put before you start with that. Biggest decision to ever make and not to be taken lightly, that's all were saying. No one has said anything offensive. A lot of people on here with a lot more experience than you alan

 

[toni64539]

Were all behind you100% shauna whatever you decide, you asked, all we did was answer. All the best sweetie

 

[JJ Mum]

Steady Alan.. people are trying to help.

I'm 36 and only stopped playing sport for England 2.5 years ago and did so after my having my 3 kids , so I think that your confusing a mothers age with fitness a little. You could be 18 and dangerously unfit, your fitness for your childrens future is your own doing and in your own control.

Shauna - you sound very commited to being a mother and I think whatever you decide will be your descision and hence right for you, I think people just wanted to warn you that it's not all roses purely to help you as they care and have been there themselves. There really is never a definate right time to have a baby.

Good luck when you TTC.. XX

 

[sparkle82]

I think what all the ladies av ad 2 say r very fair comments & really r things u need 2 consider if thinking about ttc & most ov it wud apply regardless ov ur age. I was 18 wen I had my daughter & took no offence or criticism ov what any ov the posts read alan. Mayb they touched a nerve??

Shauna I can relate entirely 2 wot u say, although my pregnancy was an accident after consideration, I thought it would b perfect & complete my life. I'd been wiv my fella for 4 years & I thought it was gona last forever, we wer both at college just starting our second year, I was petrified but he reassured me, I felt safe, secure & happy & our baby would complete us. He convinced me everything would be fine & I would regret not having it. I was on top of the world! What more could I need??? 4 1/2 months pregnant (2 l8 2 change my mind) he finishes it wiv me. It's just not workin!!!! My world fell apart, found out he'd been seeing sum1else, sum1 who was 'fun' like I used 2 b!!! I was left 2 go through the pregnancy alone & deliver my beautiful baby girl wiv out him there. Now I know ur prob thinking that ur fella wud neva do this 2 u but honestly I knew him inside out, upside down, backwards etc & no 1 was more shocked than me. The prospect ov becoming a daddy was way 2 mch 4 him 2 handle I no that now & can 4giv him 4 that, we wer both 2 young 2 make a decision that wud impact on our lifes so enormously that it's not even possible 2 comprehend or rationalise in my own head let alone explain in words 2 u. He wasn't immature 4 his age quite the opposite but it's a terrifying prospect wen reality hits home.

Wot I'm tryin 2 say is u need 2 do wot makes u happy but don't rush in 2 anything. I regret everyday I'm sat at my desk not goin 2 uni doin sumthin that I wudve bin happy doin 4 the rest ov my workin days. I've bin back 2 college worked & supported my daughter & Theres nothin stopping u doin the same if u decide this is the rite time 4 u. But I'll Neva b able 2 move away av that experience, the freedom, just 2 b care free & YOUNG!! I've Neva 4 1 moment regretted my baby, she's a polite, extremely intelligent & happy 8 yr old & fortunately misses out on nothin. 2 bring up a child u av 2 giv urself 100% 2 them & that is hard 4 a woman ov any age but if uve satisfied ur needs before u bring a life in2 the world I'm sure it wud b alot easier 2 commit, although I think I'm proof it can still be done even wiv the knowledge that there's things I can neva go back & experience. My daughter is no different 2 any other child but if given the choice I wudve wanted 2 av it all, my life then my family after.

I no I've rambled but it's so hard 2 shorten wot I av2 say. Hope it makes sense & u understand wot I'm tryin 2 express. I Neva regret my beautiful princess & we are now secure & stable but it's the hard road I took. Wish u lots ov luck & if that's wot u decide but just think about u 1st, while u still can x

 

[ria__x]

Ok can i just say hello to alan there, that's my fiance lmao. And like he said he's not being rude and he isn't talking about people being fit he meant it as a young thing. I too read the replies and thought they were a bit harsh. Anyone else on here saying they wanted a baby everyone is like yay, go you! But when someone is asking if they're too young you all seemed to be a bit negative. I got a bit upset when reading those replies thinking.. Oh so is that what people will think of me too? Because i don't feel like i'm missing out on much.. And i know baby ain't here yet so me and alan have a lot to come but all he was pointing out was the good points as well as all the bad points everyone seemed to be warning shauna of.

Anyway i don't want to start an argument or anything and my fiance was just giving his opinion as well as i am now.

But this is about shauna and her asking our opinions so we are entitled, as well as everyone that has replied

good luck shauna hun xxxxx

 

[rbryan0205]

i've read all the posts and agree that its a big thing im also 22 and have wanted a baby since i was 20 my partner is 11 years older than me we had to wait so i could finish university,buy our house and get married i think ppl on here just are saying be sure you dont want to experience life a little before having a baby but if you and your partner are ready then good luck and hope you get a bfp soon x

 

[alanjs1988]

experience is all different to different people, its depends who you are and where you want to be and who you want to be, its not easy for anyone if your 16 or 60 its just having the stability to know what you want it just seemed very negative what was coming out and from the thread i read it seemed she thought about what she was doing and was just looking for a bit of reasurrance im sure she knows its going be hard but as you said you have more experience youve had children isnt amazing the feeling you get with your child and yea its difficult sometimes but children are an extension of who you are and not a burden (i know no one has said there a burden) and it doesnt matter how old you are if you feel in your heart thats it the right time for you your probably right, its young mums who dont think about it and its just sprung upon them who have the worst time cos they have added pressure of the embarrasment to tell people and what not. i do apologise if anyone felt i was being rude or insensitive to other peoples views its just i love the fact them im having a baby, YES its going to be hard and struggle sometimes but thats just part and parcel of any age.

Alan