Thought I was doing ok :(

[Bunnykins]

Sorry for this post it's probably going to sound really self pitying I lost my baby at Xmas and I thought I was finally doing ok, I knew I wasn't ready to come back on the main forum as all the other August 2014 mums will be in tri 2 now and I don't want to see it, but I thought I was otherwise coping great.
Turns out I'm not, I got my 2nd period since the miscarriage a few days ago (was fine during the last one!) and it's just knocked me for 6 emotionally, I spent all weekend barely able to get off the sofa I felt so low, I just keep thinking I should be pregnant not having a period then one of my best friends who miscarried the same week I did invited me over for a meal but she wasn't drinking so I think she may be pregnant again and if she is I'll be so over the moon for her but it's another reminder that I'm not. My sister is pregnant due 4 weeks after I would have been and again I'm overjoyed for her she has had her own troubles and deserves it soooooo much and up to now I've been really ok about it but she brought round the first babygro she has just bought today and for some reason looking at it made me want to cry I had an overwhelming feeling of wanting to be able to buy baby clothes for my baby but I can't because I'm not pregnant but I should be because this wasn't supposed to have happened it should have all been ok
I caught the tail end of one born every minute while channel surfing and I couldn't bear it, I normally love that show but it was like a physical pain in my chest so I had to turn it offl and go to bed early so I could have a good cry. Hubby and family don't understand they think I should be ok by now, in fact my mum and dad act like it never even happened, that 'it didn't count'. I just can't understand why I'm feeling worse this week and bothered by all things baby related when I was doing so well up until now I just want the emotional pain to go away.
Sorry for the wall of text

 

[FebMum2Be]

it's still very raw for you Hun, it wasn't that long ago it happened. I can completely relate, I miscarried last march and it's only now I have got past my due date etc that I have accepted it a bit more. It's completely normal to feel how you are feeling even though it's horrible. There is a helpline you can ring if you feel you need to speak to somebody. I took a while off the forum when it happened but not because I wasn't happy for my friends that did have their bfps I just needed time to heal and get my head around what had happened. I hope you feel better soon xxx

 

[candymycandy]

It's not self pitying at all these are just natural feelings. I keep having a few days where I think I'm ok then it hits me and I don't know what to do with myself. I had to come off Facebook for a while as people kept posting pregnancy/baby related things and it just makes me feel empty. Other people seem soon to forget what you went through, except for you!

It's really crap but all I can say is you will get stronger, you just have to ride the storm. Do nice things for yourself and just do what's best for you emotionally for as long as it takes.

 

[charli_]

im sorry for your loss! i feel exactly the same. i caught a few minutes of one born every minute just before 8 out of 10 cats and cried at the baby girl. i miscarried last august and she is still all i can think about. i broke my shoulder last week so ive been having a lazy weekend and i realised how important it is to keep my mind busy, otherwise i could literally just sit and cry. xxxxx

 

[wifeywifey]

Hun its pervectly normal. I had a mc last september and cried all through one born, all I could think is id be 37 weeks by now. I wont be watching anymore it hurt too much. It does get easier tho I promise x

 

[megsmeadow]

Yup I have days like that too! I hate getting periods now, it's like a kick in the teeth. And while I don't feel bitter towards anyone else being pregnant I can't handle hearing lots about it, people getting excited etc. I'll be seeing an old work colleague at the weekend and I'm looking forward to seeing her but she's about 20 weeks now and I know I'll just feel tearful. Sometimes the grief just comes out of nowhere and bites you in the ass!

 

[megsmeadow]

And you are doing just fine bunnykins, it would be worrying if you felt nothing. Cry when you need to, and smile when you can xx

 

[Bunnykins]

So sorry to you all for your losses thanks for the kind words they have helped. I ended up breaking down in front of my hubby after writing my post and it all came flooding out to him, I'd been hiding it from him as he's the move on as soon as possible kind of person and I wasn't sure how he'd react (given my family are all brush anything bad under the carpet and forget mentality I find it hard to admit when I'm upset because I was brought up to swallow it down and man up!) but he was really great, he let me cry and said it was ok to be upset.
I think I'm going to give the helpline a ring tomorrow thanks for suggesting febmum and I am going to avoid OBEM like the plague! I like the idea of trying to keep busy so I'm going to think of a project I can start.
Thanks so much for reminding me I'm not alone and for your support

 

[Hopeful75]

You're doing fine and everything you're feeling is completely normal.
It does get easier to deal with the pain, not that it ever really goes away. I hope you're feeling better soon.

 

[nds]

hi bunnykins.
everyone has already replied and said exactly what i would say.

you aren't alone, no, and all of the support and love you need i'm absolutely sure you will find on this forum! you're a human being, and a loss is a loss - such a shame people seem to have 'forgotten' that you're human and have feelings - and to show off baby things in your face, family or not, is a little inconsiderate especially if she has had her own 'troubles'. perhaps she just didn't think that through as much as she should of and was more overwhelmed by excitement than consideration. such a shame people think you should be 'okay by now'. you will grieve no doubt, forever.

i can only hope it gets easier for you
xo