The realisation that we will need IVF

[Gizzy Kelly]

Hi Girls

I am on a total down day today!
I woke up this morning and AF had arrived. (right on day CD 26)
It has finally dawned on me that we need help and it will be IVF. I am not sure why this period has hit home so much. Perhaps it was because 3 months ago we decided to try a further 3 months. That deadline expired this morning. We needed to draw the line somewhere I guess.

I think what we are both finding so hard is that there is nothing wrong with either of us. My egg reserve is good, i have regular periods of every 26 days (bar last month!) and regular ovulation as I get smiley faces and positive OPK's. We went away on holiday this month and had a chilled out time. Right around ovulation. My Hycosy was clear and tubes are fine.

We have tried it all. Accupunture, reflexology, hormone profiling test, nutritionist, diet, even hypnotherphy to see if I could relax more! I could rattle I take so many supplements and folic acid. None of which have worked. Neil even stopped drinking, even though his swimmers are good and he has a great diet and healthy life style.

We are now on Period number 33 since September 2009!

I think I feel frustrated that Neil and I cannot seem to do what every other person seems to be able to do naturally. If we had a load of issues i would accept it more but I feel so reluctant to pump my body with injections and the full month of IVF treatment when there is nothing wrong?? What has gone so wrong for those last 33 cycles??

I am so fed up and I don't understand it?

Perhaps i am finding it extra hard this month as my brother and SIL had a gorgeous little boy and I became an aunty. They tried for one month! Having said that he has bought much joy to my family and he is a beautiful little thing. I am totally smitten.

It may also be becuase i turned 33 last month and Neil is 35 in June?? who knows.

Sorry this is such a downer thread, but I never though that we would be here. I do count my blessings that we have a great IVF clinic and I know they will do their best to help. The waiting list is good as well. I also try to get things into perpective but it is so hard when my friends are on pregnancies 2 and 3, everything is a constant reminder when we turn the TV on or look at FB, getting text messages and calls about yet another friend or family member who is pregnant.

I am sure i will feel better later. I do of course have you ladies to get me through the IVF and Neil as always is supportive as ever. I am really lucky but today just feels sh*t! x

Gizmo xxx

 

[Alwaystrying]

Hi Gizzy, it does seem unfair that some woman have an easier time than others, like you I hit me hard to have to admit it's IVF or nothing, my AF arrived early yesterday then had to baby sit a 7 month old for 2 hours and also had my step daughter asking when she was going to a baby brother or sister, talk about slap on your face hey

But here is a place to rant, everyone on here is going through the same heartache, and sure one day we will all have our own little miracle knowing that the journeys we have gone through make it all that much more special

to you xx

 

[daniph1]

I just wanted to come in and give you some hugs and love xxxx

 

[JJ Mum]

Gizzy, I can't fully imagine how you must feel right now, but I'm also sending you a virtual PF hug today x

I know slightgly different, but as encouragment, my sister did have a child, and then after ttc for most of the next long 8 years for a sibling, the docs couldn't explain why it wouldn't happen for them. She chose IVF as her way of taking control and 2 cycles later she fell pregnant and had the sibling she wanted. The best bit is she went on to fall naturally without even trying and has a 2 year age gap till her last baby. She decided that the IVF had refreshed/ kick started her body and it could do what it needed to do

Hang in there, I will be routing for you in your ivf journey XXX

 

[itisbabytime]

oh gismo. sorry your having a down day. if it is any comfort i think you are incredibly strong. i think unexplained infertility is especially hard. if there was a reason i think it would be easier to deal with physically and emotionally. you have a plan going forward though and im sure the outcome will be a beautiful bouncing baby. xx

 

[laurat]

Oh Gizzy, want to give you a big hug! The realisation is quite upsetting at times. I echo every word that you write in this post down to the friends on baby 2 and 3. In fact Im turning 33 and hubby turning 35 too. Our stories are so similar so you are not alone. Its like I almost wrote this post. In a way though knowing that there are other people going through and feeling the same way as you I feel is actually kind of comforting!

I really hope the IVF is your BFP round the corner honey! Take time to get ready and then go forward raring and ready for your IVF BFP!!!

 

[hayes]

Big hugs to you hun.

Michelle. x

 

[Kay Kay]

Hey giz . You know I support you 100% sweetie, its such a difficult thing to come to terms with. Laura, me you and giz are triplets cos its totally my story too! Right down to our ages, I'm 33 in Nov and hubby 35 in Dec. Feels like a race against time its so depressing at times. But it is some comfort that we are not alone, even though I hate that all you lovely ladies are in as much pain as me.

And I don't know about the rest of you guys but I'm super excited for baby gizmo, how cute will that baby be?! Think positive, I just know its gonna happen for you guys xxxx

 

[Little_angel]

Hi Gizmo

With a few tweaks, I could have written that post a few months ago. Although I'm a bit older than you (38 now) so I've always blamed that, but it hasn't stopped friends my age falling naturally.

I understand where you are coming from. I sat in the Fertility Clinic waiting for my first IVF appointment almost in tears, looking at the leaflet for various support groups and dealing with a life without children. I think it's the idea that this is the end of the line, at least it was for me.

One thing that helped me, was that for those of us with unexplained infertility, IVF is diagnostic. They can look at the semen in the lab, but until you do IVF, they don't examine the eggs and you never actually know if your eggs will fertilise. Every completed step of the first IVF process provides reassurance that you do work after all, even if the cycle doesn't work because it doesn't implant. Alternatively, if there is a hidden issue, it's quite possible they will be able to find it during the process.

I found IVF emotionally hard, but not physically. I had few side effects from the drugs, in fact I felt really good on the stimulation drugs. The progesterone gave me a few side effects, but who knows which were down to that and which were pregnancy symptoms.

Try not to feel down, and look at this as you doing something about what you want, rather than sitting around waiting. The IVF process actually goes very quickly, so you could be only a few months away from that positive test!

Wishing you all the luck in the world, and hoping that you join me in Tri 1 very soon

 

[maybe baby]

Big hugs Gizzy, hope you feel better soon.

Xx

 

[ScotchEgg]

Oh Gizzy I just want to give you the biggest hug. It's such a horrible feeling, isn't it and I think it's the worst for people with unexplained infertility.

Every so often it hits us that we need to do this. It's weird even after a cycle it hasn't really sunk in. It makes me feel sick to my stomach that we can't do this. It also hurts me so much that we can't have the big family I dreamed of and after the NHS cycles we're going to have to somehow find the money to carry on just to have 2 kids.

But I always reassure myself with the thought of how lucky we are to be in this tiny period of human history where this technology is available to us, to be in the tiny proportion of living humans to live in a part of the world where we can do this and even more to be somewhere where it's not completely limited to the wealthy to have this opportunity.

If we weren't we'd just be waiting every month, knowing nothing and unable to do anything about it.

It's a tough time, but it'll be a memory soon xxx

 

[skeando]

It is frightening. When I wnet to see consultant in dec and he just said right we're going to try IUI and if that doesn't work IVF, I was shocked. I kinda knew it was coming, but it was still like being hit with a hammer and I had a major melt down over xmas.

Now I just feel numb, but there's nothing to do but wait I guess, and hope that somewhere along the line I can get back to feeling like "me".

 

[Gizzy Kelly]

Thanks girls I feel like a different person today so much better! But what a lovely load of threads from you all thanks. Had not thought about IVF being diagnostic? Never though of it like that. Neil picked up his blood tests today and we will start the IVF process this month with the paper work. Thanks so much for your support xxx

 

[bidsy]

ours was a diff situation as we did have a problem with oh having a low sperm count, but after trying and trying I came to the realisation that we prob needed to have icsi and I set my mind to thinking about saving for it and stopped thinking about ttc naturally and then hey hey I fell pregnant. I honestly think that trying too hard can be the biggest downfall, but the need and longing for a baby is overwhelming I understand. I hope things work out for you hun. xx

 

[Vickyxx]

Glad you are feeling better hun, and I have a really good feeling that you will get your IVF bfp.

I get what you mean about the realisation of needing such extreme treatment, every now and then it hits me and I am like "shit" how did this happen!!

I am 31 next month and hubby 35, so I also feel the pressure of getting this done sooner rather then later!!

 

[EssJayPea]

Hello

I'm so sorry to hear how down you've been.

Before I fell, I had Bowen Therapy done. It gave me a massive heavy period but apparently really clears you out and prepares your body for pregnancy. Only needed 2 sessions and the man who did mine has helped a few ladies with fertility issues.
http://www.thefertilityspecialists.co.uk/bowen-technique.php
I'm crap at explaining how it works but found this link ^^

May be worth a shot and having something new to try can give you a boost when you're feeling low.

Take care and hope that info is of some use Xxx