The Emotions of IVF - First Cycle Almost Done x

NickNack

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Hello Ladies

I am coming to the end of my first IVF cycle, wanted to share my experience and get some advice from those ladies who have been and are going through the same thing.

My Background History: TTC for nearly 4 years. Fell pregnant naturally in Sept 2011 resulted in an Ectopic pregnancy & was told to rest for 3 months and then try for 6 months. If nothing IVF would start. Tests in the months leading up to IVF showed a blocked tube but everything else on both mine and hubbys side was normal so there was no reason why we shouldn’t be able to conceive naturally.

In preparation for the Cycle, I drunk lots of fluids ate well, done a bit of exercise to prepare myself. I wanted to smile through it, be as positive as possible as I didn’t want a negative attitude to impact on the cycle

Phase 1 - Down Reg: Went well, I did a total 23 injections before I started the Gonal F. (I was on a long protocol) Its weird because as soon as I did the Injection I felt weak and dehydrated more or less instantly so had to up my water intake to ensure I didn’t become unwell. The injections didn’t faze me and after a few I didn’t even feel it! My hubby would tease me and tell me I was a professional injection taker!! My nick name was druggy for the first 3 weeks!! I even had to do an injection in the car park of Harry Potter World as we were there at a time which clashed with my injection time (it’s all so glamorous isn’t it!! Lol)

Phase 2 – Stimulation – I was so happy to start Gonal F, I felt unwell for the first 3 days as I think the shock to my body triggered my illness but after a few days my body adjusted and after that I felt fine and didn’t get any of the side effects which they warn you about which was great.

On Day 6 of the Stims I had a monitoring appointment which went well, they told me I was doing amazingly and reported 7 follicles on one side and 8 on the others and that they wanted me back in 2 days time. They had to do bloods but because of my illness I’m constantly having drips put in and bloods taken so they struggled to find a vein, they had to call the anaesthetist and everything!! But I just smiled through it as I kept telling myself – I’m doing this for my baby!

On Day 8 of the Stims I had another monitoring appointment and as soon as I arrived they called the anaesthetist as they remembered how hard it was to get bloods the last time. This time the scan showed 18 follicles on one side and 17 on the other. I literally danced out of the clinic that day it brought me so much joy knowing everything was going so well.

On Day 10 of the Stims they called me and told me to do the trigger shot on the Sunday night at 10.30 and egg collection would be on Tuesday. I felt so excited.

Egg Collection went well; I was put on a drip of fluids and given oxygen throughout the process to ensure my illness wasn’t triggered by what was going on. I had it under local and it went very well – 14 Eggs collected. Which according to the nurses was brilliant? I felt fine the day of egg collection just felt drowsy from the pain relief and literally slept for most of the day.

They called me the next day to say that out of the 14 eggs 5 had fertilised and they were going to do transfer on day 5 to give them a chance to become Blastocysts. I had no idea what Blatocysts meant and had to do a bit of research to find out. They told me to call in every day to check on the embryos and if they felt they were not going to make it to Blastocyst stage they would get me back sooner. I think this was the worst part of the process, the waiting and not knowing if after over a month of injections if things where to go wrong at this stage it would be heart breaking. But I stayed positive.

The 2 days after egg collection I felt fine, I was in no pain what so ever I went out for a meal with friends, I don’t know what change but on the 3rd night I woke up in excruciating pain, every time I ate it hurt, I had a sharp pain going up my bottom and in my lower abdomen, I felt weak and drained and even drinking water hurt. I rung the out of hours doctor as I was worried and they said that I have to remember that I have been poked and prodded, I’ve had a needle poked into my ovaries, that the follicles would be filling with water which would cause me to be sore and everything would be swollen, bruised and squished down there so I’m bound to be sore. (Sorry if TMI) They told me not to worry and that what I was feeling was normal. This gave me relief, I can handle pain if know its normal but I was worried something serious was happening. I was worried that if I felt like this sore when Embryo transfer was done would it impact on my chances!! But I smiled through the pain and stayed positive.

I think it is important to share the info about the pain I felt after egg collection with those ladies who haven’t had IVF before as the clinic didn’t really give me any warning as to how I could possibly feel. Not everyone will experience pain and will feel fine afterwards but it is good to know just encase.

I then started Crinone pessary which you have to take every day till you are 3 months pregnant. I pray I get to that stage.
So on Sunday we made the journey down to have our baby put back in. The night before I felt so restless as I was told to call before I left to check they had made it through day 4 as this is an important day in the development. I rung and they told me to make my way down which was relief.

The Embryologist explained that out of the 5 embryos, 2 had developed into Blatocysts and had already stated to hatch which is brilliant according to them. They had already frozen one and would be popping the other one back in. As I’m under the age of 35 the rule is that only 1 can go back in. The other 3 where going to be monitored for another day to see development and then frozen if they were ok. I had to ring today to get an update on them and they have managed to freeze 3 in total which is also good news.

The procedure went well and was not painful, I was told by the nurse at reception that I had drunk enough water and then when I was having the procedure they advised my bladder didn’t look full which annoyed me as I could have drunk more water while I was waiting. The nurse advised that she couldn’t see clearly but was sure she was in the right place and in went my baby. I said to the nurse “You did put it in the right place didn’t you” as she didn’t sound sure and she laughed and said “Of course my dear” My Hubby managed to drop into convo how long she had been doing it and she said since 1994 which made me relax a bit as I was thinking “she must know what she is doing then!!” lol

I was told to rest of 24 hours as the next 2 days will be important in the implanting stage so I literally spent all of Sunday on the Sofa and will be spending all of today in bed. My 2 weeks leave from work ends tomorrow so it’s back to work and in looking forward to getting back to reality as I need a distraction! I have been told to test on the 13th April.

I have woken up this morning and I have gone from feeling super positive to really really emotional and upset. I cried this morning for the first time in the whole 2 months that this has been happening and I’m starting to feel really scared about how I am going to feel if the test is negative. My husband has been amazing through all of this and told me that no matter what happens we are one step closer to be parents and whether it happens this time or in the next cycle it will happen at some point. We are just waiting for that one who decides to stick and that may not be this time around but just try and stay positive.

I love how positive he is but it’s so hard, I don’t know if it’s because I’m on the final stretch and its now make or break time which is why I suddenly feel overcome with emotion or if I have felt like this all the way through and everything has just come to a head now.

I hope the above doesn’t put anyone going through IVF off the process or scare anyone as the want for a baby will give you the strength to get through and it is all worth it. Plus everyones experience is different, but reading other peoples blogs really helped me through as it made me feel like I’m not alone and there are other people going through it that can relate. It also educated me on what was going to happen next and what to expect.

I’m sorry this is longwinded I didn’t want to do a day by day log as I wanted to act as if it wasn’t happening but I suppose the reality is it is all you ever think of deep down. Just wanted to reach out and see if anyone can give me some pointers on how to deal with the emotion

Are there any ladies out there who feel pregnant on their first cycle of IVF? Is there anyone who didn’t fall pregnant first time, how did you deal with the emotion? Anything I can do to keep focused during this time? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated I appreciate everyone who is and had been through this as I know how hard it can be.

Thank you for taking the time to read my long story!! Lol..I wish everyone the best of luck in their journeys to conceive and pray that everyone gets this bundle of joy.

Nick Nack xx
 
Hi Nick Nack,

I'm in my 2WW after first IVF cycle. I was on the short antagonist protocol so bypassed all the down regulating drugs. I took contraceptive pills for almost 3 weeks and then started on the Gonal F.

I'm sorry to hear about your pain after Egg Collection as I didn't have this. I wasn't it wasn't until after Embryo Transfer that I got really bloated and had pain which in the end turned out to be trapped wind!! The Pessaries that I'm taking twice a day give me flatulence and wind and I'm a trumping burping bloated woman right now. Work tomorrow will be fun eh lolol.

I have no developed a bit of a cold - started with a cough but I'm now snotty as well so I'm feeling a little down today as I want to eat only healthily but the cold is making me want to eat melted cheese on toast on crisps and Easter chocolate lol.

Thanks for the do's a d don'ts you mentioned as my clinic told me not to lift or push anything heavy but basically to carry on as normally as possible during my 2WW.

Your car park injection made me laugh - I was at a show with my OH which was due to finish at 11.30pm and that was the time I had to trigger. The show overran and so I ended up triggering in my seat with my OH trying to shield my thigh from view of anyone. Also as the Trigger Shot had to be kept in the fridge I bought it with my in an ice pack getting that past back check was funny.

I had acupuncture for about 4 months fortnightly before my cycle and then weekly once I started it. I saw my acupuncturist on the day of Embryo Transfer as well. It really helped to relax me and keep me calm also its said to help thicken the womb lining. I'm listening to an IVF belief CD too but fall asleep everytime - I hope Im subconsciously taking things in!!

Come on over to the IVF thread where everyone's stories are and fingers crossed and good luck for your BFP on testing day!!

Moley x x
 
Thanks Moley, that's so funny that you had to do your shot in the show!! Lol

The things we have to go through.

I'm amazed by the whole process and so thankful that IVF even exists but it is so hard to smile when your going through something so life changing, but I'm giving myself a pat on the back as I think I've done ok.

Roll on the 13th, when is your test date? Also what do u think makes them decide which protocol each person should go on? Why was the long protocol chosen for me? I might have to ask if I have to do it again

Thanks for replying, it feels so good to have someone to relate too

Nick Nacks xx
 
I was on the short protocol because I have low ovarian reserve for my age and my ovaries are polycystic - I don't have PCOS I just develop cysts on my ovaries during every cycle which expel themselves after 28 days with every period - so was told this protocol is best for me as the contraceptive pills stopped the cysts from forming and they could also slowly stimulate my ovaries with the Gonal F.

My test date is 11th April - eek!!

x x
 
Hey nick nack I don't have Ivf experience but just wanted to say good luck. I hope you get your bfp from this x
 
Hiya Nick nack, enjoyed reading ur experience I'm on the contraceptive pill now so have to call the hossie on thu and go up few days after I will then be starting on the injections I'm not sure if I'm down regulating or going on straight to gonal f. I think u shud be really happy at what h have achieved so far, to get 1 fresh and 1 frozen blast is great, like your hubby said this will work for u if not this time another time but stay positive cos now the blast is in your chances must be really high.
Moley, interesting you have a cold, that's an early pregnancy symptom isn't it!! When can you test?
Good luck to you both, hopefully we will c 2 bfps soon!!
Xxx
 
Hi Nick Nack, lovely you posted your journey for others that may be thinking about or have ivf up and coming..

I had one fresh cycle , long protacol last summer with synarel for down regs and Menopur for stims, Got 11 eggs, 6 fertilized, had one early blastocyst popped back on day 5, and by day 6 I had one turn into a full blasto and suitable to freeze. Sadley that cycle didn't work, but I'm 39 and so my chances were lower than for a younger lady and my eggs will not have been so hot.. I waited the 3 months between cycles and then went for a frozen transfer, sadley on day of transfer , my frozen embie did not survive defrost..

So I got my tubes fixed with the last of my loan cash as it would only have paid for nearly one more fresh cycle, so had the operation on november 19th, nothing happened dec cycle, then I got preg and had a chemical pregnancy, v.early miscaridge in jan and then amazingly got preg again in feb! Touch wood i'm 8 weeks tomorow..

I wish you lots of luck, lots of ladies do get preg first time, also lots don't , so you just never know.
You did do really well to get 3 frozen and one back out of 5 fertilized! that is really quite amazing! so whatever the outsome, you have 3 spare chances in the bank so to speak, which is a lovely feeling to have and to hold onto in the 2ww.

I found my ivf 2ww , the worst one ever, you spend 4 mths ish doing it, not just one month, so times a normal ww by 4 times the emotion and thats what your feelign right now..

I found the cylogest pessaries sent me very down and phsyco, so that won't help esp if you are preg, your own body may be making lots of progesterone too!!

Make lots of you time, do your nails, films with oh, try to enjoy your 2ww, it could be your last as just the two of you!

Oh and yes egg collection was ouchy that evening till day 5 transfer I felt ok again..

good luck, I will look out for your bfp
 
Thank you so much ladies. Your replies have really cheered me up. Lots of cyber kisses for you and will pray we all get the outcomes we want. Xxxxxxx
 
No ivf experience hun but really wanted to wish you(and everyone else)good luck and realy hope see lots of bfp soon.

Michelle. x
 
Hi nick nack,

I dont have any experience in regard to ivf but I enjoyed reading your story and I wish you the best of luck, I hope you get your bfp in a couple weeks.

Xxxxxxxx
 
Hi nicknack

I am the statistic, the person who got their baby from their first IVF attempt. I thank my lucky stars every day.

Everything you've said sounds so familiar to me. Especially that you were so positive until after the transfer. Remember that as well as the relief/ anxiety about your part being effectively over (it's all down to nature/fate now) the progesterone mimics pregnancy symptoms so may well make you feel emotional.

The way I looked at my first (and as it turned out only) round of IVF is that it is a diagnostic process. We had had blood tests, I'd had scans and a lap and dye, but nothing had been found wrong. We had 2 failed rounds of IUI, but nobody had ever taken my eggs out and examined them. There was never any proof that an egg had fertilised or an embryo had developed normally. Every step of the way I rejoiced at the further evidence that we could make a baby.

I am a little older than you (possibly the only reason we didn't have success in our 3 years of trying). We had 8 eggs removed and 7 fertilised. 3 made it to blast - a top grade, an also ran and one not worth considering. Due to my age and the fact that the also ran wasn't worth freezing, they put the two in. It's obviously assumed that J is the top grade, but we don't know that.

The 2ww seemed like eternity. In hindsight I was like a mad woman, up and down and symptom spotting like mad but knowing that the progesterone might be causing any of it. The first real inkling that I might be pregnant came the night before testing (yes we did wait until the prescribed day) - my bladder suddenly seemed tiny and I was going to the loo every hour or so. The next morning I got a 1-2 weeks on a digi.

Advice? TBH as I've said there is little you can do now but wait. You've done the hard work and you've done everything you can. Try and keep your mind active, plan nice things for yourself, time with friends. Especially plan something for the night before your test. Feel free to ask anything you like.

I wish you all the luck in the world :dust:

xxx
 
Congratulations little Angel, shows that it can be done 1st time, and at an older age as well. I'm only 27 with only mf infertility so I'm hoping our round of icsi will work first time but I'm preparing aswell for it to not, like u said I'm taking each step that goes well as a bonus xx
 
Thank you for sharing your journey like that. It bought tears to my eyes thinking about each stage.

Regarding the pain, I had terrible pain from egg collection for about 8 or 9 days. Like you I had a bumper crop of follies and a good number of eggs which I think makes the pain a lot worse. I also showed mild ohss symptoms and swelled up like a balloon.

I managed to stay positive each time until either the trigger or once I was onto the progesterone. It's horrible stuff, but it's necessary.

I've never known a 2ww like it. you have so much invested in it and the consequences are so huge. I don't have any advice readily for dealing with it apart from look after yourself.

I had two unsuccessful cycles before this one and don't even know how to describe how that felt, but as you said at one point you just keep doing it, it's the right thing to do.

I wish you every luck in the world
 
Thank You Scotch Egg, I was so happy to see your reply as I have literally checked on your blog each day to see how you felt on the days as I was going through it and in some of it I was like what did Scotch Egg do or how did she feel at this stage. One day I couldn't find the blog and I was so upset!! Lol...

I'm 3 days in now, 10 days to go till I test!! I'm scared!! Don't want to test!! Lol

Nick Nacks xx
 
I'm scared and don't want to test either Nick Nack lol x
 
I'm hoping that we suddenly wake up with really overwhelming pregnancy symptons and it's so obvious that We must be pregnant!! Lol...I went back to work today and I was distracted all day, now I'm home and hubby is out and I can't stop thinking about it!! I rung him and was like pls come home!! I need a distraction!! I need to get a grip :0) Xxx
 
it's horrible isn't it.

I must say that the first two times I knew it hadn't worked and the third time I didn't know whether it had or not. It's hard - having never been pregnant you don't know what it'll feel like for you.

It's hard to keep faith but it's worth every moment when you get there. I've never been happier in my life.
 
Haha aww it's so scary isn't it, praying it will be good for both of you. I'm dreading the testing bit, but also in a way im scared I won't get to the test bit. I have added pressure because I'm in Spain so I need translation fir every stage, I can't just ring up myself. 1 more day for me then my translator s ringin so all being well I'm on injections next week
 
Thank you so much little angel your story made me feel better. I am sitting here telling myself that it can't have worked as I don't feel tierd, I don't have nausea and my boobs being ridiculously sore must be the progesterone so the fact you didn't get any symptons until the day before testing makes me feel better.

The fact is I need to accept its out of my control now. If it doesn't happen this time like my hubby said "on to round 2" although it will feel like round 3 as I did actually start a cycle last year Oct, got to the day before Gonal F was due to start and fell ill so had to stop half way through and wait 3 months. I was not impressed!! Lol

Nick Nack xx
 
Heard from clinic that the other 6 embryos didn't make it and that there's none to freeze. I'm quite shocked by this. Does this mean the 2 transferred wont make it?! Still not having any symptoms just this silly cold.

Moley x
 

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