Terrified...

[CrazyJaney]

Hello,

I found out today that my baby had died at 9.5 weeks. I have opted for surgery and am going in for this on Wednesday. The reason I chose this is because I have had a previous miscarriage at 7 weeks and let this one go naturally. I have never been in so much pain. I can't imagine getting through that again, especially since I am now further along.

So, along with the grief I am now terrified about this happening naturally before Wednesday. I have no painkillers and live alone so I am very frightened.

Up to now I am bleeding like a light period (although this has increased slightly throughout the day) and I have period like cramps.

Can anybody offer any reassurance?

 

[Mamafy]

Firstly so sorry again hun With my last mc I opted for surgical as well and felt it was the best all round. But I did come out of theatre feeling empty and tearful , just to prewarn you I think it was because it was closure I'll be thinking of you hun xoxoxo

 

[CrazyJaney]

Thanks. I think I am just so numb at the moment and my fear of this happening naturally in the night when I'm on my own is taking over!

I can't remember how quickly it started up last time. I just remember being so ill with the pains and bleeding. xx

 

[nic0la]

Hi Jane

This happened to me not long ago. I know everyone is different but for me I just bled on and off for the week while i was waiting for the surgery, the pains never got past the cramp stage. I was so frightened that it would get worse but it never did. I too felt very sad on the day of the operation but to be honest it was a relief that the waiting was over. Take care of yourself. Nic

 

[pink_sparkles]

i know exactly what u mean, first thing is first tho, if u have friends or family close by get them to get u some painkillers so ull have them at least. Ive just gone through a miscarrige and this would have been my second child, at the moment my 4 year old son is with his dad so i am also on my own, so i know how scary it is, and i was treated last friday with a chemotherapy drug to basically get rid of the remains of my baby i wasnt as far on as u i think i was only 5 weeks and they couldnt find my baby so they gave me an injection in the butt and the first 48 hours was the time for any side effects to kick in and i was petrified especially with the drug being a cancer drug, but i made sure i was all set, pain killers in case i needed them, fluids etc

if u have family or friends around u let them now whats goin on so they can at least be a phone call away if u need them

 

[CrazyJaney]

thanks, one of my close friends has just insisted on coming over. She's packing a bag and staying the night. At least I know there is someone who can take me to the hospital if need be.

I wish I was having the surgery sooner. I just want this over with so I can start to get over it x

 

[Lilelephant]

I am glad u won't be on your own. Thinking of you

 

[hayels]

so sorry hun glad ur friends coming to stay with u best to have some one there with u. xx

 

[Ndobins]

Thinking of you. I found talking to friends and family when i felt the need really helped. Even if just saying how i felt at the time. Its nothing you have done and i hope the next few days go as quickly as possible for you.

Hugs Nicki x

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

So sorry CJ thinking of you xxx

 

[CrazyJaney]

Thanks everyone.

Well... it started last night and for the past 12 hours I have been in the worst pain I could ever imagine. It's still not complete as I don't think I've passed it all, I'm just bleeding like crazy and cramping now. The cramps are sore but nothing compared to what I was experiencing a few hours ago. I am just praying it doesn't now get any worse.

I am so gutted that I lost my baby and gutted that I couldn't even deal with losing it the way I chose.

 

[Toonlass]

oh hunny, i'm so sorry your going through this. Do you not need to call the doc or hospital or anything? xx

 

[karenandbump]

Oh hon - so sorry to read this - I think Toon is right - is it worth calling a doctor to see if they can help? xxx

 

[smess26]

Oh Hun I am so sorry my last mc was painful and painkillers didn't cut it! I am so glad you ha e someone with you!!!!
I am sending you my love!! X d x x

 

[CrazyJaney]

Thanks again all. I'm just concerned that I may not have passed it all. I didn't really have a close look at what was coming out... I just couldn't.

I am presuming that there will now be no point in going for my planned surgery tomorrow? They only work until midday so I can't confirm this until tomorrow morning.

I feel really tired and spaced out now and very weak. I don't think it helps i've had nothing to eat. My friend is coming round after she's finished work to force feed me.

 

[KatieB]

I am so so sorry to read about what you are going through. I'm glad you're friend is coming over and you won't be alone. You are in my thoughts hun, big hugs x x x

 

[Lilelephant]

I am so sorry hunnie. I am thinking of you x

 

[lillie]

So sorry to hear this.

I would say go to your appointment - they will find out whether everything has gone. On the morning of my D&C they scanned me so maybe they will do the same for you.

Thinking of you. xx

 

[CrazyJaney]

Thanks Lillie. I'll give them a call in the morning and see what they want me to do. I'm still passing very small clots and little bits of tissue so it may not be complete yet. I've done the (very) hard part now and so would like to do the rest myself now.

I'm just relieved that bit is over now. I didn't want it to happen that way but i've done it now. I can now just get on and grieve the loss. I am just feeling empty. After nearly 12 weeks and no bleeding up until Sunday, I thought I was OK this time. It's such a difficult thing to come to terms with. I'm determined not to let it beat me this time though. I'll have my crying time and then I'll get back on with my life, trying not to think 'what if'. It wasn't meant to be. One day it will happen, I am confident of that

xxx

 

[JJ Mum]

CJ, as my pm message - I would go to the D&C appointment as Lillie said, they should scan you if you tell them you have had heavy bleeding , and they may give you the option if not sure, I woud go for it, less chance of infection etc once done.

Thinking of you tomorow, look after yourself, and take a day at a time X JJ