Telling people...

[buddabun]

do you just ring em up and tell em of slip it casually into conversation or what?

Also how do you go about telling people who have had a previous miscarriage and haven't got children. I have one friend who has been trying for ages and she recently told me she had suffered a miscarriage. I am almost dreading telling her as I don't want to make her feel bad but she is coming round for dinner on Saturday and I don't want to drop her in it on the night by telling her then. I want to give her a chance to cry off sick if she can't face coming.

A little bit worried about how to handle this situation

 

[Cosmopolitan]

I just told my closest friends from the minute I knew, they knew I was trying though. We told our parents when we saw them (for christmas) by giving them an ultrasound pic, which they didnt expect. And for all the other people I just posted the ultrasound pic on Facebook after I told my parents so everyone could find out for themselves : ). Worked quite well.

I've got a friend who had a miscarriage too and I would just explain to your friend how you feel. That you don't want to upset her, but don't really know how to tell her in a way that might not be hurtful to her. I think she will understand. I would prefer to be told rather than finding out from someone else. That'll really upset me. All the best for you!

 

[buddabun]

Thanks cosmo! I just don't want to tell her the day she comes round for dinner as it'll be a bit like springing it on her if you know hat I mean. I want to give her a chance to be upset and cancel our plans if she needs to.

 

[Della Mack]

We decided to get all our firends together. About 3 times a month people come round for a movie and a brew. So we waited until everybody was in the front room and we were asking people how they were... then someone said so how are you Della and I said "pregnant". They all just couldn't belive it. Now i have pretty funny friends so we spent the rest of the night in stiches about it. It was a fab way of telling people!

My sister has been trying for a long time and shes getting to the point where she knows somethings wrong but shes afaird of going to the docs to comfirm it. Honestly, I was a little apprehensive about telling her but as it turns out she was over the moon. I just plainly said "I'm having a baby". And she started making funny cooing noises! About a day later she phoned me to tell me that another one of my sisters said that i shouldn't have told her! Well shes going to find out! sooner or later. Debbie was upset that my other sister thought she was made of cotton wool! So in the end she was happy about me telling her and treating her like a real person.

 

[KikoDinoGirl]

I had a lady at work, we've both been trying for a baby, me for a year, her for two years. I made sure she was one of the first people to tell. And I told her privately and specifically.

In terms of telling other people I made it a specific conversation for my close mates, and then for others just drop in conversation.

Good luck in telling people.

 

[buddabun]

Thanks guys

 

[Jaded Diamond]

I know this isn't really great advice, but with what you've been through before this bean have a think about how you'd like her to tell you if it was the other way around iykwim.
Maybe invite her round in the day for a cuppa?
Thats kind of the best advice I can give. pants i know lol.
xx

 

[tb261]

Try checking out www.youtube.com and searching for stuff like "announce baby" or "announce pregnant" etc.

There are some quite neat ideas there on how to tell ppl...

 

[Emum]

Hope it goes well with your friend.

I lost my first baby and it took us many years to conceive again. My best friend suffered similar agonies to you when she discovered she was pregnant, and didn't tell me until she was 16 weeks pregnant, when she did it on the phone before we were due to meet, and as sensitively as she could. I was able to tell her in the same phone conversation that I was 10 weeks pregnant myself! About a year after that conversation, I phoned her to tell her I was 12 weeks pregnant, and she told me that she was 6 weeks in the same conversation! So despite the fact that she conceived easily and I had lots of problems we ended up having two children each who were both born within 6 weeks of each other.

Fx for you that your phone call will have a similarly happy ending.

 

[trixipaws]

i havent been in that situation (not to my knowledge) i dont think i know anyone who's lost or been TTC for years or anything like that. everyone i tell i know would be happy and excited! eep i would feel bad tho. idk how i'd break it! i never really thought about it tbh hope it goes well

 

[Kerry&Rich]

I found the easiest way to tell our family was to say that they were going to be grandparents or aunties so on and so forth... I havent told any friends so am not sure on their reaction as such. I a worried about telling my uncle as him and his wife had been trying for a baby for 10 years and had a beautiful girl via IVF 5 years ago.. they have been trying naturally since and have had many mc so thats going to be hard for me. Its so sad when people want children and they have no luck, Makes me feel blessed.

Congrats by the way xx

 

[melissa5317]

Sorry to crash, but as the person who's been at the other end of this conversation, if she's a good friend she'll be thrilled for you, especially as you've gone through two m/c yourself. I could understand that she would have a hard time with it if she had JUST had her miscarriage, but honestly I can't see it being a problem to tell her at dinner, but maybe just the two of you before dinner so that you two have a chance to hug it out beforehand.

 

[buddabun]

well I told her. I sent her an email a couple of days ago (we're not really 'huggy' type friends tbh) and she waited till the following evening to reply (making me sweat ) but she is fine. She was really lovely and told me not to ever feel guilty about telling her, if it was her in my position she'd be shouting from the rooftops etc etc.

Which was kind of how I thought she'd react but it's a bit unfair to say "come round, get hammered at ours and by the way Helen's knocked up ha ha"... I know if I were in her position I'd be happy (if a little sorry for myself) and I'm so glad she reacted well.

We've also told Mr B's parents. They were thrilled and MIL has started with the 'advice' . Like I haven't been scouring the internet since first TTC for advice she is warning me not to overheat, not to drink alcohol (who WOULD nowadays?! Especially in first tri), to rest when I feel like it

I love her to pieces but it's lucky we live on different continents

 

[kim83]

I'm glad your friend is happy for you hun It's always difficult to tell someone but as someone said previously if they are a good friend they will be happy no matter what for you and your bean!!
I had a similar situation with my SIL. They have been trying 2 months (absoulutly nothing at all really compared to some couples!!) When I popped up with my announcement (which was a blessed 'accident') that was 6 weeks ago and she hasn't spoke to me since! but 2 friends who have had mc's who I have told this week have been more than happy and fantastic about it!!
Same old saying pops to mind you can choose your friends but not your family!

 

[Della Mack]

Today I told a friend of mine who responded with. "i can't have kids".

I was so shocked. I just said "oh ok..... I'm sorry."

What else should i have said....

 

[buddabun]

Della that is such a hard situation!!!

TBH I wouldn't have said that if I were her. She's obviously cut up about it but don't feel bad. At least you sympathised!

As for your SIL kim, I can sort of understand her point but ffs, 2 months is NOTHING (especially if coming off hormone contraceptives like pill) and how selfish is she to begrudge you your happiness!
Sod her

 

[kim83]

I can understand buddabun but as you said 2 months is nothing! and she was on the pill for about 7 years I think!I felt awful for about 3 weeks until my OH told me all this stressing would be bad for me and the baby so I've sort of snapped out of it. It took one of my friends 4 years to conceive it just happens when it happens. Fortunatly my brother is more than happy and keeps updated his facebook with 'can't wait to be an uncle' so it's him that matters to me more bloody in laws always the same

 

[buddabun]

aww bless your brother

I had a friend who conceived after 4 years of trying, the MONTH after she'd been for tests with hubby and was told (at 23) they'd never have kids.

She now has a gorgeous () 18 yr old son.

She also conceived again after he was born but sadly miscarried

She really is one of those 'miracles do happen' stories.

I'm sure your SIL will come around. It's so hard when TTC as you have to wait so long each time to see if you've done it that 2 months can feel like a lifetime but if she actually stopped and thought about it she'd realise she's being silly.

 

[fairyM]

Hello, im in a similar situation where i have a friend at work who had a mc at the end of last year after getting pregnant by some1 else(not her husband) and she also suffered one about 3 years ago aswel.
She is desperate for a baby and has become obsessed with having one. So when i found out I was pregnant, i was like how on earth am i going to tell her as she will be upset.She doesnt deal with stress very well, and i dont want this to send her over the edge.
I havent told anyone im pregnant yet, only immediate family and a couple at work only cos I had too.Im waiting til my 3 month scan when i have the scan pic to tell people.
Im so worried when my friend finds out as i dont want to hurt her feelings, but at the same time i want to spread my joy.
Its so difficult, I always worry about other peoples feelings, well i worry about everything in general.lol

 

[buddabun]

It's hard isn't it. I suppose you just have to try to do it in a way that's not insensitive as you don't want to NOT share your news

The amount of women who've had miscarriages out there it's bound to hurt someone but if they're a decent person they'll be happy for you.