Surname ?

[Theosmummy2010]

I'm due in Feb having a little girl we decided her name at like 17 weeks I'm happy with our name choice. And our little girl was going to have her daddy's name .. Tradition! I have a son who's 5 from a previous relationship who has his daddy's name .. So my children would have different names anyway! My girls daddy has left me I'm devastated to put it mildly he says he wants to be her dad still and you never know we may sort it out one day !!! What do I do? Do I give her her dads name or mine ! If I give her mine I feel awful on my son for her having my name and my son dosnt ! Or do I let her have his name ?

 

[Flickalicious]

This is a difficult one

I made it clear to my OH that the children would have my surname unless we were to get married. Then we'd change their names by deed pole. We've all got the same name now.

I duno, I couldn't have my kids with a different name to me and each other but I understand why you have done it this way. I really don't know where I'm going with this

Is the father of your son on his birth certificate? And will your daughter's dad be on hers? If so I guess I'd give her his name with the option of changing it to yours if you need to in the future.
This way neither if your children will feel as though you have treated them differently based on their names.
Does that make sense? Sorry x

 

[mylullaby]

For me, this wouldn't be a difficult decision at all. Baby would have my name. It isn't about keeping things fair for your two children, it's about responding to your circumstances now and they are different to what they were with your first - all you need to tell your kids is that you were with ds dad when you had him but your baby's dad left before you had baby so got your name. It'll be much harder for you to change the name from your ex to yours than it would the other way round as you'd have to seek his permission and he's not necessarily going to oblige. Can you honestly see your daughter wanting to change her name to match the man who abandoned her mum before she was even born? Because I can't. Let her have your name and if your ds wants to change his maybe you can look into what you'd need to do to change his name to yours? xx

 

[russellmuscle]

I think I would leave it up to my child..

I named Jackson after his dad, we split up when he was 1. We are back together now, but if you get back together could be a bit strange. Plus she is his afterall? If he wasnt going to be involved fair enough but if hes going to be in her life then it really isnt about abandoning you because he hasnt yet abdandonned his daughter? It makes no difference when you give them your or his name because if he were to leave you a year down the line the baby would have had his name anyway?

I think its your child, its a personal decision. But my choice would be my child would take the dads name unless they werent going to be involved. Once Jackson did or didnt build a relationship he could then decide changing it by deedpoll.

My sister inlaw did the double barrelled name until they got married and then dropped the end? Perhaps do something like that? Obviously with yours and her dads name..

xxxx

 

[snowbee]

I always said I would give my children my surname unless I was married to the father (so also my surname really). I've had a few friends who have given their children different surnames to themselves and they say it is awful at appointments/school/holidays when they have a different name to their child. I think the idea above about double barrelling it would be a good compromise too.

 

[El1en]

After a lot of thought I gave our daughter my ohs surname, mainly as I thought his family would be annoyed at me and friends would think it odd, I massively regret it. I love my oh so much but I wish I'd given her my name, my oh says one day we will all have the same name but honestly if nothing has changed on the marriage front (which will be okay I'm not desperate to get married) I will change my name by deed pole before she starts school. Give her your name

 

[Mrs M]

I would give her her dads name, and he would definitely be on the birth certificate.

 

[mylullaby]

He can only be on the birth certificate if he attends the appointment though. Have a friend who gave her ex 2 chances to be on birth certificate but it didn't happen as he couldn't be arsed to show up. I don't get why men get the default last name in these circumstances when it's going to be the women doing the lions share of the parenting?! Guess it is just a matter of personal opinion...

 

[Theosmummy2010]

Thing is I think/feel like we aren't over 100% he's just freaking out.. Can you do that where they have to sign something so if child wants to change name when older they can ??? Yeh he will be on birth certificate .. And my sons dad is on his .. X

 

[russellmuscle]

Only by deedpoll i think. My ex changed his to his mums when he was older and able to understand.

xxxx

 

[Baby2sky]

I feel the same as mylullaby. I would give baby my name.

 

[MiaMathews]

I suppose I'd let my child to have a dads name in such a situation.