Stuck in Limbo

[kaz1983]

Tbh we started as soon as I had stopped bleeding as you are supposed to be more fertile but for us it didnt happen straight away it might for you and yes you will be scared Im scared and I promised myself I wouldnt be. I dont think we were really trying afterwards and even not really trying guess we were just lucky we hit the right day.

You start again as soon as you and hubby feel comfortable doing so. It got to the stage when I was getting nopwhere I considered going back on the pill to regulate periods so I would perhaps have a better idea of when to dtd

I came back to work as I wantred normality for myself, hubby and Elise in the long run it was the best thing though work were s**ts so it knocked me back a fair whack cos they just didnt seem to care because they didnt understand but didnt try to understand either

I asked the same question what if it happens again and the consultant told me that it was very unlikely - i tried to wangle an early scan but was told that they dont do reassurance scans as its only reassuring for the time that the he scanner is on ur tummy which I could see their point but I started to get back pain so midwife arranged an early scan an i was 10weeks which the consultant said once you see a 10 week pregnancy its usually ok but I still worried when I went for 12 week scan and I am petrified still but I try and not show it.

I was also told that until you have had three losses you dont get early scans which I think is shocking and I certainly wouldnt like to have three losses one was bad enough

I kinda knew I was pregnant again but with what had happened I was in severe denial but knew I couldn't hold off forever

You do things as you feel comfortable Iwent out every couple days but I did have days in the house just to be with my own thoughts xx

 

[Emily0505]

I might go out to my mum and dad's tomorrow just for a change of scenery.

My work all know what is going on and have all been super supportive, so I think I'll be ok when I go back.

I already feel like I want to start trying again right away but I'll have a chat with hubby and see how he feels. He might want to wait a bit or maybe ntnp for a while.

This whole thing feels so surreal. When I think back to last night it almost feels like a bad dream. Like it didn't really happen.

XX

 

[kittykitchn]

I can't comment from experience, but Im sure the way youre feeling is completely normal in a very un-normal, very unfair situation. And if it's not, who cares? You can go and scream at strangers if you want, do whatever to get you through. Im sure Id want to start TTC again straight away as well xx

 

[kaz1983]

Yep it was like that for me very surreal like it happened to sumone else an not me but reality soon kicked in for me anyway - glad yr work is being supportive its half the battle xx

 

[kanga86]

I still find it all very surreal and as it never happened to me and I needed to ttc straight away. The urge to be pregnant again asap was overpowering. But the fears of it happening again were so bad when I was pregnant. I had 4 scans by 13wks, 2 private ones (one at 7wks to check a baby had grown, as only yolk say seen before and one at 11wks because I had a panic it all would go wrong at the same stage as the mmc), I scan at the epu because of bleeding at 8wks and then the usual 12wk one.

Glad you have a good support at home and work, my first shift back at work I was told another girl was pregnant and that the girl who was due the same time as me had had her 12wk scan and all was fine! I also had my mil moaning at me because she had heat stroke the day I was actually miscarrying! It was an awful time now I think back on it all xx

 

[Emily0505]

Over powering sums it up.

I feel bad though for already thinking about ttc when I miscarried less than 24 hours ago.

I'm desperate to be pregnant again but terrified of something going wrong again and without an early scan there's really no way to know all is ok.

I spent a good five weeks in ignorant bliss thinking everything was great. My tests got really dark, darker than the control line and this was even just a few days before the spotting started! Lots of those tests would have been done long after the pregnancy has stopped progressing so even good lines on a test and decent progression wouldn't reassure me.

This whole thing is a giant head fuck!!

XX

 

[kaz1983]

It does totally an its so unfair wen u think everythings fine i was completely unaware too mo pain no bleeding before 12week scan so was complete shock

Dont feel bad for wanting ti ttc watever is best for u an hubby

I think i seng u a pm but no sure it went thru xx

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Sounds about right hun as do your feelings. With a normal loss comes shock but when you have been scanned and you know the sac is empty you have relief to be out of limbo and actually know where you are. With mine I also had the feeling of wishing it would hurry up so I could ttc again and got angry it took so long ( I had retained products tho). The overwhelming need to get pregnant again I have every time. I miscarried 4 days ago and I'm already taking my vits and soy and waiting for ov. Your more fertile after a loss so I'm taking advantage of that.
Hope your feeling better soon and good luck whatever you decide xxx

 

[Emily0505]

Kaz I didn't get a pm hun.

It's very reassuring to know that others feel the same.

I've felt frustrated that the whole process has taken so long. But then in a way the turn of events meant I was, not necessarily prepared for what happened last night, but ready for it and expecting it which I think made it easier than it just happening out of the blue. I've had time to process everything and time for it to sink in.

I'm ready to start trying again asap and I think hubby is too. Just got to pray that I get the all clear on Friday.

XX

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Be prepared for conflicting feelings with your scan. I cried cos I felt guilty. My first scan I went in praying there was a baby with a heartbeat in there and by my final scan I sat next to a woman clearly where I had been a few weeks before praying her baby was OK and I was praying I was empty. Just made me feel guilty in a weird way where I went in hoping for the opposite of what you normally want if that makes sense xxx

 

[kaz1983]

Hmm im out of habit of pms id popped my mobile no in it if u wanted to txt to talk

I wish they had scanned me afterwards but they ask for a pee sample i had two inconclusive ones then two blood tests before i got a negative result so i know where ur coming from with the time scale xx

 

[millielaura]

Hugs Emily hope all is over physically on friday.

Don't feel guilty for wanting to try again. My first loss was unplanned and the worst part was definitely seeing babies for months afters knowing I couldn't have that at all not a chance. My last m/c was awful but trying again straight away made me feel a lot better even though I knew it would take a while. You are defo more fertile after so may happen straight away.
I'm not allowed an early nhs scan, silly really as I'm on progesterone as have known low progesterone lol,I have to pay for mine. They are totallyyy worth the money though i think as the reassurance will be absolutely priceless. So if you don't get an nhs scan offered could alwats considered an early private scan?

Thinking of you and hope you are looking after yourself xxxx

 

[Emily0505]

AWW thanks Kaz. I've just double checked my inbox and there's def no msg.

It's a good point littlemiss, two weeks ago I was sitting in the waiting room praying that my lil bug would be ok and this time I'll be sitting there praying everything is gone. It's such a turn around.

It still feels so surreal, like all this hasn't really happened.

XX

 

[kaz1983]

I think I may have cracked the private message thing and sent one now xx

 

[Tigeress]

Hey hun,

i know how exactly how your feeling hun. Ive had two mc that ended around 11 weeks.

With my previous partner it was two years ago, we had to wait two days for a emergency scan by which point i had already started bleeding heavily and was clotting so i already knew what the outcome was. i was 11 weeks and 6 days. The sac come out as one piece and the contractions i had were bad and last around 2 days.

The second mc i had was horrendous, i was 11 weeks and 2 days gone and i was in and out of a and e because i was bleeding to heavily, clotting the size of my first, was having contractions for 4 days and the sac come out in pieces. I have never ever in my life experienced something so bad, i also went through this mc completely on my own as my partner at the time was violent and had kicked me out at the beginning of labour so i went to my old flat (had kept it as back up! Thank GOD!) and i was living on a mattress with a small tv. Once the pain slowly wore off my friend brought me down meals and went shop for me.
I honestly thought i was dying during the worst parts, i screamed that flat down, would of been worth it if i had a baby at the end of it!! I'll never forget it, i guess it might not be 'as bad' for you as i was further along. But it still hurts and doesnt matter about how far along someone is. They are still your babies!!

Not crying is something i did on my second one as i was so blady numb from everything, it wasnt until a couple of months later i broke down and lost it. I was nearly put in a psychatrit ward aswell but managed to pull myself together, it was then that i met my fiance now, who is the best thing to happen to me. We are trying for my first but im petrified.
Anyway im gonna stop rambling, im sorry for your loss, sometimes we make them to perfect and God decides to take them back xx

 

[Emily0505]

Still in limbo!!

Another scan booked for 2 weeks time.

There is an area of my uterus that looks thickened. She thinks it's fluid or a clot and that my body will sort it out but wants to scan to be sure. If no change in 2 weeks then they will arrange a procedure to remove everything.

So back to square one, having to wait another 2 weeks to see what's going on!!

XX

 

[kaz1983]

aww Emily so sorry you are still in limbo I know its not the answeer you wanted and i know how hard it is not getting a straight answer right away. I can't believe they are making you wait another two weeks already when you have already waited that xx

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Oh hun so sorry. That's exactly what happened to me. My body held on to a tiny bit for ages. Small enough to have negative pregnancy tests but big enough to stop me ovulating. I ended up with 6 scans and it took 4 months for my body to get rid of the last tiny bit. On a plus note I fell pregnant again 3 weeks later so shows your fertile again quick. Hope your body deals with it quickly for you xxx

 

[Emily0505]

I shall be demanding they do something after the next scan if it's still there.

I can't do this waiting around any more!!

XX