Struggling after ectopic pregnancy...

[Mum2Many]

Did anyone else feel a bit shocked afterwards?

I've never had an ectopic pregnancy. I've been pregnant 16 times and this was the first and only one I've had. I truly never even thought of it as an option that could happen to me. And when my hCG levels were stupidly high it never even occurred to me it could be anything except a healthy pregnancy, even when 5 scans showed no pregnancy.

I feel shell shocked and dazed and the more I think about it, the more I can't get my head around how and why this happened to me. And then I get this niggling in the back of my head that says I deserved it. When I first saw that positive pregnancy line I panicked and hoped it wasn't true... God (or whoever) punished me for those thoughts by not only taking my baby back, but by taking away more of my already failing fertility/reproductive system.

Feeling very low today. It's the first day I've felt anything other than a bit numb and shocked. I just keep telling myself I've survived worse. I can get through this. But right now my heart has a hole in it that feels like it'll never mend.

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Hun I read that and I know you feel so shocked and sad but what stands out is you saying what everyone else will post on here. You will get through this.
It's so hard I know and even when you already had an idea something was wrong it hurts no less. Wish I could give you a massive hug and say it will all be better in the morning but sadly it takes slightly longer. The thing with multiple losses is sadly we know exactly how crap it is and how long it takes I know you have the added losing a part of you to but honestly hun you will work just fine without it xxx

 

[WishingHoping]

Hi Darling,

As you know I went through an ectopic in January & I don't think that anyone can understand what they are like unless they go through it.

I remember feeling the same way & even posted about it on here.. I remember thinking that I was being punished for something I had done previously or that there was something wrong with me but unfortunately life is just plain right cruel.

I am so surprised with how high your hcg levels were that it was ectopic as they don't usually increase that high nor do they double so I am shocked. I am also shocked they gave you the photo.

Did you have keyhole surgery or were you opened??

I know it is hard to think this right now but I PROMISE it will get better. I really thought it would take us ages to fall pregnant again but then 8/9 weeks after I got my bfp & this one is in the right place.

It can happen for you again darling; don't beat yourself up about it although it is hard. You feel like its something you did but its not. Its nature & that's the best way to start to get your head around it.

Your remaining tube will collect the eggs from the ovary on the side your tube is missing so you will still have a chance to fall pregnant again like everyone else )

Take time to rest mentally & physically & when you feel up to TTC again then give it ago. It is hard & scary but its okay darling you will be fine.

Lots of love!!

xx

 

[Mum2Many]

Thanks girls.

Wishing, I actually asked for the photo. I saw it in my notes and asked to take a look. Then I snapped a picture of it with my phone. I had keyhole surgery, but because I had a tummy tuck some years ago which involved moving my belly button they couldn't go in where they'd normally go. They had to go in higher up and nobody was sure whether I'd need to be properly opened up until they actually got me into surgery and had a look.

I really want to TTC again ASAP. But I guess I'm just not hopeful. I have messed up cycles due to perimenopause. I'm in premature ovarian failure, with low egg reserves. I have a luteal phase defect, irregular cycles, menorraghia, don't always ovulate... And now I'm missing a tube on top of all that. I want to start TTC again ASAP as we know when I got pregnant I was shedding loads of eggs (as you do before menopause starts) and I'm worried if I wait too long I'll miss the chance of more children completely. But at the same time I feel bad for feeling like this because I only lost my baby and my tube on Monday and I feel guilty for thinking about trying again already...

 

[WishingHoping]

You shouldn't feel guilty it is completely normal especially with all those factors going with it.

As soon as you feel ready then go for it.. I didn't ovulate again until 6 weeks after surgery but if you keep an eye out and use your opks I am sure you will catch an egg hun.. please don't be down ( I know its hard!!

I went through the "I don't want to try again" to "please can we try right now!" its all a mixture of crazy horrific emotions especially when your body is still feeling pregnant. When you a MC it comes away slowly with a ectopic it is literally there and then gone so your bound to into a bit of a whirlwind of crazy feelings/emotions.. I know I did gosh!!

The only thing I can say is just allow yourself time to cry. I used to sit & bawl at times & although it really fucking sucked it helped to allow myself to grieve.

I am sure we will see you here in the not so distant future.

xx

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Don't feel bad for wanting to try hun. Mines still inside me and I just want it I be over so I can start trying again we can do this we will have our babies xxx