Stressed

[roxyroo]

Just want a bit of advice or reassurance really. To cut a huge story short, my husband can be quite lazy. I do everything all the washing cleaning everything you can think of is my job. When I was pregnant with my first we had loads of building work done and basically redecorated the whole house. He kept promising me it would be finished before the baby was born and it's still not totally finished now, she's 2 in September.
I'm 6 weeks away from baby number 2 and it's taken him 3 months to redecorate the spare room for DD1 and it's still not finished. He's now moving in to the nursery which I want done ASAP as I've got loads of shit that needs putting away. He is saying we can't live on his flat wage so he works lots of overtime to.
I'm grateful and I understand he's working lots to provide for us but I feel like I never get a break . When the weekend comes I still have to get up with her because he's either at work or doing the garden etc I feel guilty for moaning as I know he works hard but it feels like I'm being taken for granted with all the things I do. Being heavily pregnant and not sleeping and running after s toddler all day is really taking its toll on me

 

[Nomad]

Hmm tough one! If he's working lots of hours he probably sees that as him doing his bit. It's hard trying to explain that you're effectively 'working' all day every day when you've got a toddler to look after and a house to keep clean! Can you sit him down and talk to him when you're feeling calm and explain that you need him to do X Y and Z in order to make things easier for you? I struggle to get my husband to do any DIY and it drives me up the wall! When I was pregnant with DD I ended up having a meltdown when he left me doing the gardening on my own for two hours while he sat on his arse watching tv!! He was very apologetic and did eventually get things done but I did have to 'nag' him repeatedly! I don't think there's any easy answer but at least if you make him aware then the ball is in his court..?

 

[roxyroo]

Thanks for replying, that's how I feel on one hand I don't want him to do all this decorating because he's working so hard but at the same time I can't do it and even if I could he wouldn't want me to as it wouldn't be done "his way" I think just the impending birth of DD2 had me worried he won't get to spend any time with me and the girls x

 

[Belfa]

Do you have parents or in laws who could come over one weekend and help you both get stuck in? We're lucky in that both sets of parents have done this for us with our building work although our spare room is still a room of doom.

My husband is lazy with things like that too. He likes doing it and will be really engrossed for a while and then looses interest so have loads of things still to finish. If I'm fed up waiting I organise a professional to come out and, as we don't have the money for that, DH then steps up a gear and does it himself x

 

[Nomad]

Good idea Belfa. I eventually roped in my dad and brother to help dh with the garden so he had to do it and it was done in a few hours. I tend to do any painting that needs doing because he's crap at it!

 

[roxyroo]

I normally do all the painting but this time I have DD1 to look after so can't. I will ask his mum to look after her maybe fir a Saturday , she loves having her and DD1 loves being with her so win win really. I just find it hard because every spare minute I get where I should be resting I'm cleaning or sorting something. But DH isn't like that. It annoys the hell out of me when he says he's going to the toilet because he takes his phone and he's on there for at least 30 mins! I can't even have a poo on my own without my little one wanting to come in lol x

 

[LaceyKeo]

I get the frustration Rox.

My OH is 4,000 miles away, so I know how it is to be pregnant, look after a toddler, organise a house, and prepare for a baby.

On the other hand, OH is extremely supportive in every way he can be, and of course I already know damn well he's not gonna be doing housework etc because, well, that's not physically possible.

You need to sit down and tell him how you feel.
Set up some sort of schedule where like, he paints the nursery on Saturday, then watches the match.
He moves all the boxes from the living room into the correct rooms on Monday night so you can unpack them, then he plays x-box.
Whatever.

And check your PMs missy, we're waiting for you xx

 

[littlemonkey]

I normally do all the painting but this time I have DD1 to look after so can't. I will ask his mum to look after her maybe fir a Saturday , she loves having her and DD1 loves being with her so win win really. I just find it hard because every spare minute I get where I should be resting I'm cleaning or sorting something. But DH isn't like that. It annoys the hell out of me when he says he's going to the toilet because he takes his phone and he's on there for at least 30 mins! I can't even have a poo on my own without my little one wanting to come in lol x

Sorry I just had to laugh at the poo situation! This is what my OH is like, dissappears for half an hour at a time with his phone playing candy crush and watching videos! I'm forever shouting have you fallen down the toilet at him!!