Stressed much?!

[Tasha89]

I'm asking for a bit of advice...and I need a good old moan!!

I was in hospital last Dec for an operation to remove a cyst. Everything went fine however I had to visit my nurse EVERY day to get my wound packed and dressed. This went on for 8 weeks.

Before I was due back I spoke to our Occ Health dept and we arranged I would come back on reduced hours so I still had time to get my dressings changed. After speaking to the nurses they disagreed with our Occ Health dept and signed me off a further two weeks.

I was told by my employer the following week that they were 'over-riding' my sick note and that I should come back to work asap. OBVIOUSLY I refused as my GP signed me off and didn't see me fit to return.

Now, i'm having meetings (more like interigations!) with my manager as to why I didn't come back when asked, and why I didn't call at least once a week!! What?!
Also, the op has put me up the scale on the absence policy so now I could face losing my job because of an op I needed to have! It's sooooooo stressful! To make things worse, my manager marked me down on my annual appraisal because of my recent attendance!
She's on a total power trip. It's not the first time she's bullied someone out of the office (2 people have left prior to me).

My OH said if we could afford me not to work he'd want me to hand my notice in immediately. Unfortunately we cant. Also, i'm eligible for the enhanced maternity scheme at our place so i'll get 16 weeks full pay instead of 6 so i'd be cutting my nose off to spite my face if I left now.

My options are, stick at it and leave as soon as I can (26th May) or try to hang on until July like our original plan was before this all happened.

I'm getting so stressed about it. I cant enjoy my pregnancy as i'm constantly worrying about work and i've been having panic attacks (I thought it was just AWFUL nausia, midwife didn't think so!) since my return to work.

I'm really sorry for the long rant and thank you to those of you who have made it this far reading!

Thanks Xx

 

[Sam's Mum]

Oh my goodness...I can't believe they are treating you so badly over something you needed to have! There are people out there who call in sick every time they have a bit of a runny nose or didn't sleep well - it's not as if you had a choice! And I can't believe they tried to override your sick note - are they even allowed to do that?! I'd call ACAS and see what they think of it all. No wonder you're so stressed

 

[Tasha89]

Thanks
I called ACAS - apparently they cant do that, however according to our Occ Health dept a sick note is only advisory!
They're total idiots - I just don't want to lose out on a few months pay by taking my maternity leave 2 months earlier than I intended to. Although the safety of my child is my biggest responsibility right now so it's something we might just need to do and accept defeat and leave in May.
The union at work are involved but obviously when you stand and fight you're bound to get some resitance from them which only makes things worse!
At least I don't have to pay any of my maternity payments back to the company, there's not a chance in hell i'd go back!

 

[Sam's Mum]

At least from May to July it's only a few more weeks so if you take it one week at a time from then knowing that you won't have to go back hopefully the countdown will go quickly for you

 

[mummynmummy2b]

OMG cant believe what ive just read. Your employer are completely wrong to over ride your sick note! Yes a sick note is advisory..... but advisng you, not them!!! Ive heard of people before who got a sick note but wanted to go back to work anyway and the employer said they couldnt as they wouldnt be insured for the employee to be on the premesis if they'd been advised to stay off!!! My suggestion would be to go back to your doctors explain everything thats going on, you dont want to be feeling stressed out when your pregnant, its not good for your baby. They may offer to sign you off on stress until your maternity leave starts n seen as your employer sounds like such a pain i would probably take it!! Other option is to tell your manager that you are concerned over their position on this and you are going to seek advice. That will knock her off her high horse quick enough. So sorry your going through this, really not fair

Good luck
xx

 

[titch]

What she said! ^^

I cant believe how they're being either. Some bosses need to get a grip!!! I'd definately see your GP about this!

 

[evajo]

Poor you - Its unbeleiveable how your boss is treating you, i find it hard to see how people in this day and age can treat employees in this manner. Not only have you had an operation but you are pregnant! Perhaps its their way of getting you to go early. On one hand you should definately not give in to these bullies, but your also need to remember that babe can sense stress, so try not to get to wound up. Hope you can work things out soon x

 

[katiejane]

It is completly unlawful they can't override your sicknote and they can't discriminate against you or victimise you because your pregnant. What is your companys sick pay provisions, because i would consider getting signed off with stress for as long as possible. I was quite ill in the first trimester and had some complications, I went back but really struggled and started having panic attacks, nightmares and bad sickness. I was being bitched about and found the journey very stressful, so I went to the doctors because I wasn't coping well and I'm much better now. It's really not worth the stress and the risk you might get poorly, your family and your baby is the most important thing not some silly cow on a power trip! Sorry for the rant, hope your ok xx

 

[Tasha89]

Thank you soooo much guys It's nice to have the support of other mum's/mummy-to-be's! I'm at docs on tues so i'm going to mention it all then. I've considered trying to get signed off for stress, they have to pay full pay until my maternity leave starts no matter how far away that is if i'm signed off because of pregnancy. It's just a shame. I'm normally the sort of person who will fight them with everything i've got but even if i can, my baby might not have the strength. I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to little Peanut because of a stupid spat at work.
Tne union are involved and they've said the only way they can try to cancel a sick note is if they believe my absence wasn't genuine. If so they must get proof from my gp that i was deliberatly trying to mislead both the company AND my own gp! They're hardly going to ne able to get anything like that off my gp, he signed me off in the first place lol! If they don't take that route they'll get done for inconsistancy as in a previous case extremely similar to mine that's what they had to do (needless to say the union walked all over them at the tribunal!). They're just been awkward for the sake of it. The union are backing my case 110% so i've got faith!
I'll keep you updated. My manager's on holiday until after easter so i've some peace and quiet until she comes back! Haha!
Xxx

 

[titch]

for the union! Good to hear you sounding more positive!

 

[mummynmummy2b]

Even if you do get signed off on stress doesnt mean you have to give up without a fight! I'd take the sick pay and also take them to a tribunal!! Good luck. x

 

[Tasha89]

Even if you do get signed off on stress doesnt mean you have to give up without a fight! I'd take the sick pay and also take them to a tribunal!! Good luck. x

Haha! Yeah - screw 'em for all they're worth! lol! I think if the doc offers it, i'm going to take sick leave. If not, i'll just take my maternity leave on 26th May. I'll have the summer off before baby's due I suppose! X

 

[mummynmummy2b]

I started my maternity leave as early as humanly possible last time. I worked for a hotel and basically as soon as i told them i was expecting they started to make things very difficult for me. I was suddenly working every single weekend and my days off were always something stupid like a monday and a wednesday so i didnt get to see my DH or actually do anything other than sleep! I got told off for wearing maternity pants to work rather than the stupidly tight pencil skirt i could no longer pull over my rapidly expanding bottom! i would be given a full week of early shifts strating at 6am when they knew that i was usually an interesting shade of green anytime before 10am! It was hell, looking back its obvious what they were trying to do! i just thought maybe i was being over sensitive at the time but I should have taken them to the cleaners.

Dont put up with it! I definately wouldnt again! Sure if you tell your GP everything and make it obvious how much its affecting you they wont hesitate to sign you off. If they do hesitate i'd get a second opinion as some GP's can be a bit hesitant to diagnose stress and dont want to reinforce the 'i'll just get signed off on stress' mentality than employers are worried about.

Good luck! You shouldnt have to use up your maternity leave when you dont actually need to be at home due to your pregnancy. Its due to their attitude not your pregnancy!!
xx

 

[Tasha89]

Bless ya! That's horrible!
I don't get it! It's as though they're testing us - because we're pregnant! Gits! I'm sure all employers aren't like this. I work for Nestlé so to them i'm just another number but still, it's no excuse!
My GP's have been kept well up to date with my goings on. It was one of the first q's my MW asked me at my 16 week check up - "How's everything at work? I've been reading your file" she said! Was funny, i'd never met her before and it was the first thing she asked!
I had to get my dressings after op changed at the same surgery and I see my MW there as well so everything is well documented by all nurses, GP's and MW's. I'm off to see the best doc there on Tues, he's ever so friendly so I don't know why he wouldn't try his best to help the situation!
I'm not overly fussed about taking my maternity leave early, I get 16 weeks full pay so I would still be getting full pay a month or so after baby is born. Might just cut my losses and go then. I've gotta give 4 weeks notice before I wanna start so i've got another month or so to decide. A lot can change in that time so if i'm being better treated then i'll hang on. Xx

 

[katiejane]

Good luck for the doctors on Tuesday honey, take his advice x

 

[mummynmummy2b]

Good luck at docs tomorrow, let us kow how you get on
xx

 

[Tasha89]

Hey Guys!
Went to the docs today Heart and lungs (mine!) are fine so it definately sounds like i've been having panic attacks recently...
Discussed what my options would be and he suggested I take my maternity leave on 26th May (as soon as I can physically go!) and if it gets to the point where I feel like I really cant go into work because i'm soo worried/upset (50% of the way there already!) then he'll sign me off until my maternity leave starts in 7 weeks. He also said there's notes of everything that has gone on on his pc so if they need any evidence or comments then he'd be more than happy to help.
Gonna see how it holds up. My manager is on holiday until after the bank hols so i've some peace and quiet at the mo!
If they unleash hell when she get's back i'll be going straight to the docs again
X

 

[katiejane]

Glad it went ok at the doctors and that physically your doing well. Hopefully with your manager off you'll be ok, but like you say if it starts getting too much i'd def go back to the doctor. Its good theres evidence to back you up on your notes should you require it x

 

[JJ Mum]

Blimey can't believe the hassle you are having Tasha - truely awful!

I think don't leave unless you get signed off, make your company pay in full for being so horrible.
start your mat leave from 11 weeks before and don't decide anything whileyou so stressed , like you said your boss is away till after easter , thats ages , and another months pay still.

Good luck keepus posted how you get on X Jenni

 

[Tasha89]

Blimey can't believe the hassle you are having Tasha - truely awful!

I think don't leave unless you get signed off, make your company pay in full for being so horrible.
start your mat leave from 11 weeks before and don't decide anything whileyou so stressed , like you said your boss is away till after easter , thats ages , and another months pay still.

Good luck keepus posted how you get on X Jenni

Tell me about it! I'll keep you all updated don't worry It's nice to have the support of other Mummy's and Mummy-to-be's!

Toochwood the sun, sea and pina coladas have calmed her down a bit eh?! Doubt it like!

Xx