Still no bedroom joy - not going to be either!

Discussion in 'Second Trimester' started by Julia, Nov 20, 2005.

  1. Julia

    Julia Well-Known Member

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    I wrote a couple of days ago to say that my DH was not interested in the bedroom. We talked about it (briefly) yesterday evening and he says that he doesn't think he will be able to have any bedroom fun until after the pregnancy. When I asked him why, he said that he didn't feel right doing it when a baby is inside me (afraid he will hurt it or me). He also said that my boobs and belly did not turn him on (was slim before). When I complained about his last comment, he said that it was more to do with the fact that he was afraid of doing damage and he had a stupid feeling that the baby would wonder what was going on!!!

    The silly thing is is the fact that I don't really feel like doing it anyway, it is just the fact that I am annoyed that he has this attitude. Don't get me wrong - he is not intentionally hurting my feelings - he is just telling me the truth (that I asked him for). I have spoken to another man in work who feels the same about his pregnant wife, so I don't think it is uncommon.

    Anyone else in the same position? I know that after my baby is born, I probably won't feel like it. SO THE NEXT TIME I WILL BE HAVING SEX WILL PROBABLY BE 2020!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
     
  2. beanie

    beanie Well-Known Member

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    Hon am sorry to hear your DH is feeling like this. Apparently it is quite a common concern that they will hurt the baby (to which I always think "you wish", how bigheaded are they). Babies are actually comforted by the uterus contracting when you orgasm and they also get the happiness hormones as well which is great for them. So sex is good whilst you are pregnant. I am getting way too big to enjoy sex now but try and be as physically affectionate as I can with OH, lots of cuddles and kisses and it helps me to feel close to him. Take care of yourself hon. And I don't think I'll be having sex till 2020 judging by the size of this bump xxx
     
  3. Julia

    Julia Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your reply, Beanie

    I am feeling more upset by the hour thinking about this situation. Don't get me wrong, our sex life was not that hot to begin with BUT atleast there was something rather than nothing. Bring back the early years when we couldn't keep our hands off each other....I can dream!!!
     
  4. beanie

    beanie Well-Known Member

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    I'm not suprised its upsetting you and although he may not be setting out to intentionally hurt you, you are going through pregnancy which affects all your feelings about yourself and your relationship. I wish I could do more but in the m,eantime I'll keep sending you hugs and hope that your DH quickly realises that you are an amazing person who deserves lots of physical affection xxx
     
  5. Julia

    Julia Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Beanie

    Your message brought a lump to my throat. I am emotional at the moment. I am soooooo happy to be pregnant but also feel as though I am no longer sexually attractive to my husband. I hope you don't think he is a mean man - he's not. He is just a little too honest! I am just going to focus on my little miracle and the people who are saying I am looking wonderful at the moment. Thanks for being so caring and considerate xx
     
  6. Sarah W Baby Belly

    Sarah W Baby Belly Well-Known Member

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    Well just as I stopped feeling attractive and was getting to the point where the bump was just getting a bit in the way, suddenly the DH was interested yesterday! Couldn't believe it, the sod! I stop asking and he is suddenly interested! :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
     
  7. beanie

    beanie Well-Known Member

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    I don't think your man is being horrible, I just think they find it difficult to understand the emotional aspect. My OH finds it difficult to understand why I get so upset about how I look especially as I chose to get pregnant but it is a tough time, your body isn't your anymore. Definately concentrate on your baby and listen to thiose who say you look fab. If you need to chat just PM me. xxxx
     
  8. Julia

    Julia Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Beanie,

    I have just noticed that you haven't got long to go! Good luck!!

    Thanks for the reply...I am finding it hard but I realise it is only for a very short time out of my life and I have soooooo much to look forward to. I feel very lucky to be in the position I am (I have friends who have been trying a long time and would give anything to be pregnant). I am not going to moan at DH any more - no point - he just backs into a corner and we don't get anywhere. I don't want to look back on my pregnancy as one long argument. I am still sulking at the moment but will probably come round in a couple of days (so long as my DH does a little bum licking).

    xxxx Julia xxxx
     
  9. Dee1985

    Dee1985 Well-Known Member

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    in my last pregnancy kris didnt want to sleep with me after first scan i think seeing the baby made him realise how real it all was, now im preg again and i had first scan last, aint had any since, but to be honest i aint that botherd :) gives me a rest!
     
  10. Julia

    Julia Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the reply,

    I think men feel intimidated by the fact that their child is in their partners belly. I suppose that I am pleased that my DH respects me and the baby in the fact that he doesn't want to harm us - some men probably don't care and just keep nagging for sex. I am being positive now, as you can see!!! Congratulations on your second! You didn't waste time!! Good luck xxxx
     
  11. Lindsay

    Lindsay Well-Known Member

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    Hi Julia

    I am in exactly the same situation as you - my DH feels uncomfortable making love while baby is inside. If I am honest I didn't feel like doing anything much either but made an effort so that he didn't think that I used him to make a baby!! At first he made excuses as to why he wasn't coming up to bed, it was only when I questioned him he admitted to it not feeling right. I am now 14 weeks pg and we haven't made love in all that time - it doesn't look likely to happen either!!! I am not complaining anymore as I am so bloody tired all the time, all I want to do is snuggle up and go to sleep!!!

    Xxx
     
  12. nicki

    nicki Well-Known Member

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    Hi All,

    Funnily enough I had this conversation with a work mate today, she's 22 weeks preggers and said her DH wanted it all the time (she also has 2 small children) but she wasn't that bothered but did it anyway.
    My DH and I had the conversation a few days ago about it, I asked him if it bothers him us not having sex all the time & told him I was afraid he would cheat and he told me he was more concerned about hurting me and the baby and that he felt a bit funny knowing there's a baby in there and it puts a whole new perspective on love making, also he loves me and would never cheat on me, after all it's not forever, so we agreed to just see how things go and please each other in other ways
    (oo-er! :lol: )
    I never did like sex that much anyway, I'd rather snuggle up on the sofa under my duvet watching I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!!!!
    I wouldn't be surprised if my poor hubby left me. :lol:

    Nicki.x :D
     
  13. nats

    nats Member

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    I too am lacking any action in the bedroom department! The first 12 or so weeks it suited me fine, just doing once a week because i was so tired but the last couple of weeks, there has been nothing and although i haven't been feeling this burst of energy they say should come at around 16wks, i have been feeling rather more horny than usual, just when i want it my partner doesn't! I think he feels weird doing it knowing there is a baby inside but i also think it has something to do with my shape changing, i have already put on a stone and feel fat and frumpy, whether my OH likes girls who are slim and pretty (oh the good old days!)
    What worries me, apart from feeling even more unattractive about myself, is that i'm only going to get bigger, it now looks like sex will be off the cards for another 6months, what if he goes out and cheats as i know he gets plenty offers. It is one of those topics which is sometimes hard to bring up as i want an reason why he has gone of it but i don't want to bruise his male ego!!
    Natalie xxxxxxxx
     

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