spent evening in A&E
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Thanks to everyone for your lovely, lovely messages - especially yours Anna Marie.
To be honest I'm okay emotionally. Maybe it will hit me yet but so far I'm thinking that it wasn't meant to be.
I've been signed off work this week but I'm not sure if I should ask to be signed off for some of next too.
S
To be honest I'm okay emotionally. Maybe it will hit me yet but so far I'm thinking that it wasn't meant to be.
I've been signed off work this week but I'm not sure if I should ask to be signed off for some of next too.
S
Oh S, I am so so sorry to hear your devestating news hun.
I've not been on for a few days as I've been sick, and I can't believe I've missed this and haven't been able to reply to you. I can't begin to understand what you are going through, but as everyone else has said, we are all here to listen, offer advice and generally just to be here for you.
Definitely speak to your doctor about being signed off next week as well. You need to be sure that you are ready to go back to work, look after yourself first.
Remember, we are all here for you.
xxxxx
I've not been on for a few days as I've been sick, and I can't believe I've missed this and haven't been able to reply to you. I can't begin to understand what you are going through, but as everyone else has said, we are all here to listen, offer advice and generally just to be here for you.
Definitely speak to your doctor about being signed off next week as well. You need to be sure that you are ready to go back to work, look after yourself first.
Remember, we are all here for you.
xxxxx
Anna Marie
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Hi S,
Take your time with everything and that means especially anything physically or mentally tiring.. The hospital signed me off for 2 weeks immediately but I was off work for a total of 3 weeks in all as bled for over 2 weeks and I just was not able to face anyone at all. I had to go to my sisters wedding as one of her bridesmaids and that really was tough as hardly anyone there knew what was going on and I was an emotional wreck as well as in pain.
So... don't push yourself... there is no time limit on these things.
Take care and keep in touch.. we will help you through xxxx
Take your time with everything and that means especially anything physically or mentally tiring.. The hospital signed me off for 2 weeks immediately but I was off work for a total of 3 weeks in all as bled for over 2 weeks and I just was not able to face anyone at all. I had to go to my sisters wedding as one of her bridesmaids and that really was tough as hardly anyone there knew what was going on and I was an emotional wreck as well as in pain.
So... don't push yourself... there is no time limit on these things.
Take care and keep in touch.. we will help you through xxxx
that's so sweet of you, thank you.
I think the messages from you Anna Marie mean the most because you've been through this as have others who have responded. I'm delighted Tankett that yours is going so well. I'll be back on here before I know it! Shame though that I won't be able to share my next experience with you guys.
I think my family and friends are waiting for me to fall apart but it's not going to happen. I did my crying on Saturday when I knew I was losing it and now I'm just being philosophical as I know it wasn't meant to be. Better for this to happen early on than for me to give birth to a baby with genetic problems. Now that would have changed my life and I'm really soft hearted so I would have worried terribly about them. God Anna Marie I don't know how you got through a wedding and having such a big role at it. I'm still in my PJs and don't really want to see anyone. I'm seeing a friend tomorrow and that will do me good. My husband has been truly amazing but I wouldn't expect any less from him.
Take care guys and thanks for all the best wishes.
Still bleeding. Not sure when this will stop.
S
I think the messages from you Anna Marie mean the most because you've been through this as have others who have responded. I'm delighted Tankett that yours is going so well. I'll be back on here before I know it! Shame though that I won't be able to share my next experience with you guys.
I think my family and friends are waiting for me to fall apart but it's not going to happen. I did my crying on Saturday when I knew I was losing it and now I'm just being philosophical as I know it wasn't meant to be. Better for this to happen early on than for me to give birth to a baby with genetic problems. Now that would have changed my life and I'm really soft hearted so I would have worried terribly about them. God Anna Marie I don't know how you got through a wedding and having such a big role at it. I'm still in my PJs and don't really want to see anyone. I'm seeing a friend tomorrow and that will do me good. My husband has been truly amazing but I wouldn't expect any less from him.
Take care guys and thanks for all the best wishes.
Still bleeding. Not sure when this will stop.
S
Anna Marie
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I am so glad to hear you feeling a bit more positive about the future.. you are so right.. things happen for a reason.. we are just not always sure what those reasons are when it is something so tragic and incomprehensible.
There seems to be so little we can do to prevent these things happening and yes better to lose now than later on in pregnancy or even worse at birth or beyond.. there is no rhyme or reason for it all and even after reading so many books on m/c and recurrent m/c as I have suffered I am none the wiser... and even the consultants tell me they can rarely find a cause ... for some reason that makes it harder to deal with in my case.
As for falling apart... i did privately every now and again but I was completely alone the day I was in the hospital.. it was alot to bear alone.. OH was away for work and I didn't have any real freinds nearby... and family live 3 hours away and all too busy with my sis's wedding to come visit! And even when OH did come back he was not much good with the emotional pain.. he just didn't know what to do and I to be honest I didn't ask for help.. as with all the major upsets in my life I just suffered inwardly which did not help our relationship so its great that your OH is there for you in every way.
Anyway enough of my rambling..... once the bleeding and contractions ease up you will start to see your way forward... I know its cliche but time is a great healer and you know you can concieve so I expect to see you back in the ttc section very soon!!!
Please stay in touch, I feel so sad that you are going through this.
xx
There seems to be so little we can do to prevent these things happening and yes better to lose now than later on in pregnancy or even worse at birth or beyond.. there is no rhyme or reason for it all and even after reading so many books on m/c and recurrent m/c as I have suffered I am none the wiser... and even the consultants tell me they can rarely find a cause ... for some reason that makes it harder to deal with in my case.
As for falling apart... i did privately every now and again but I was completely alone the day I was in the hospital.. it was alot to bear alone.. OH was away for work and I didn't have any real freinds nearby... and family live 3 hours away and all too busy with my sis's wedding to come visit! And even when OH did come back he was not much good with the emotional pain.. he just didn't know what to do and I to be honest I didn't ask for help.. as with all the major upsets in my life I just suffered inwardly which did not help our relationship so its great that your OH is there for you in every way.
Anyway enough of my rambling..... once the bleeding and contractions ease up you will start to see your way forward... I know its cliche but time is a great healer and you know you can concieve so I expect to see you back in the ttc section very soon!!!
Please stay in touch, I feel so sad that you are going through this.
xx
Anna Marie
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My first m/c was when I was 22 and had only just taken test and started to bleed.. so felt ok that time as just pretended preg test was wrong and it was just AF. Second time was a couple of years later with a guy who was very much not Mr RIght.. found out I was preg at 10 weeks.. but he was abusive and a complete ******* throughout our time together [2 years] so even though I decided to keep the baby when I found out, and after ending our relationship I had to get injunction out on him [I was living in NY at the time so far from friends and family] I had to move apartment etc to get away from him... so the stress of it all took its toll and I really neglected to look after myself and to be honest when I lost the baby a few weeks later I was just in shock and then numb.. then angry and guilty and stupidly took an overdose of sleeping pills cos I just hated myself so much... and I was just hurting for so many reasons emotionally.
I really don't know where my mind was in those days.. a very different person... I still to this day feel so angry but I also know that I was not ready and at the right place in my life so the little bean was probably not ready either... I know I probably sound like an awful person and to be honest I do still hate myself for it all but we cannot change our past.. just hope to control our future a bit.
So this last m/c was a double whammy... been with my lovely OH for 3 years and we had only just decided to ttc and got bfp first month.. so we were soooo happy but a month later heartbroken. Honestly I felt as if I was being punished for all the f**k ups in my life and that I was being told indirectly that I am not fit to be a mum but i have never told anyone that... sorry if I am opening up too much. xx
In terms of trying again.. they found 4 large cysts on my right ovary, a polyp pn the uterine lining and cervical problems after the m/c in August so I had to have some treatment and was given all clear to ttc in December but I was already preg.. I think the hysteroscopy to remove the polyp enabled me to implant and hey presto..here we are.
It took my body 3 months to become fertile again according to all my charting so it all fitted together... my periods returned to normal after 2 months and then after my treatment my body was obviously ready.
Honestly it was devastating each time I got AF... even though I could tell I was not fertile it was so disappointing and so I just tried to focus on other things [impossible!!] and with the help of everyone on this forum I just bided my time, continued to chart and it all paid off just in time for Xmas...
There is no right answer to how long to wait.. defo be sure your body is OK.. periods normal and fertile signals there etc and then get bd'ing again.. but only if you feel ready.
I desperately wanted to be pregnant again - maybe to make up for losing all those beans but when I did get my bfp I was totally freaked out and I cried for ages.. so scared etc [as you can tell from all my posts!] but I am very happy I did not wait any longer as with my age time is not on my side and I feel able to move forward at last.
Sorry for such a long post.. hope I haven't bored you senseless!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xxx
I really don't know where my mind was in those days.. a very different person... I still to this day feel so angry but I also know that I was not ready and at the right place in my life so the little bean was probably not ready either... I know I probably sound like an awful person and to be honest I do still hate myself for it all but we cannot change our past.. just hope to control our future a bit.
So this last m/c was a double whammy... been with my lovely OH for 3 years and we had only just decided to ttc and got bfp first month.. so we were soooo happy but a month later heartbroken. Honestly I felt as if I was being punished for all the f**k ups in my life and that I was being told indirectly that I am not fit to be a mum but i have never told anyone that... sorry if I am opening up too much. xx
In terms of trying again.. they found 4 large cysts on my right ovary, a polyp pn the uterine lining and cervical problems after the m/c in August so I had to have some treatment and was given all clear to ttc in December but I was already preg.. I think the hysteroscopy to remove the polyp enabled me to implant and hey presto..here we are.
It took my body 3 months to become fertile again according to all my charting so it all fitted together... my periods returned to normal after 2 months and then after my treatment my body was obviously ready.
Honestly it was devastating each time I got AF... even though I could tell I was not fertile it was so disappointing and so I just tried to focus on other things [impossible!!] and with the help of everyone on this forum I just bided my time, continued to chart and it all paid off just in time for Xmas...
There is no right answer to how long to wait.. defo be sure your body is OK.. periods normal and fertile signals there etc and then get bd'ing again.. but only if you feel ready.
I desperately wanted to be pregnant again - maybe to make up for losing all those beans but when I did get my bfp I was totally freaked out and I cried for ages.. so scared etc [as you can tell from all my posts!] but I am very happy I did not wait any longer as with my age time is not on my side and I feel able to move forward at last.
Sorry for such a long post.. hope I haven't bored you senseless!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xxx
Oh my God Anna Marie how could you have bored me senseless. I'm in tears at the heartache you've been through. Girl the only emotion you should be feeling now is pride at how you've coped with everyting and pulled yourself through. This is down to you, only you and you should feel proud that you are a really strong person who deserves the healthy pregnancy that she is now having. You should'nt feel that the last MC was because of the f*ck ups you'd made in the past. You didn't make any. It wasn't because of you that your previous parnter was an abusive person. This was all down to him.
I'm so sorry that you've had to endure all of this. I'm not surprised that you cried when you learned you were pregnant. I would have done the same.
I'm going to take it slowly and start to TCC when I'm ready. Thankfully the scan showed that the pregnancy had dissolved (bless the little thing for not wanting me to go through any more pain) so all I'm passing now is blood and clots. I should be okay.
Take care Anna Marie and thanks for thinking of me.
You go and enjoy your good pregnancy.
S
I'm so sorry that you've had to endure all of this. I'm not surprised that you cried when you learned you were pregnant. I would have done the same.
I'm going to take it slowly and start to TCC when I'm ready. Thankfully the scan showed that the pregnancy had dissolved (bless the little thing for not wanting me to go through any more pain) so all I'm passing now is blood and clots. I should be okay.
Take care Anna Marie and thanks for thinking of me.
You go and enjoy your good pregnancy.
S
Anna Marie
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Thanks S,
I admire you for being able to think forward and being secure... I am still quite an insecure person and always think the worst is going to happen to me.. mainly cos it usually does!!!
Anyway I have kept a journal almost half my life now.. since I was 14 on and off for all those years and it really helps me.. I write when I feel like it and all sorts of things come out when I open up.
I read last weekend about my m/c last year and it really helped me move on with this little Bod as I realised how much stronger I am 6 months on.. all the emotions are still there and I look at the tree we planted in the garden and I feel sad but also at peace with myself..
you sound a very positive person and that will help you at this hard time... and when you don't feel so strong.. we are here to lean on.
xxxxxx
I admire you for being able to think forward and being secure... I am still quite an insecure person and always think the worst is going to happen to me.. mainly cos it usually does!!!
Anyway I have kept a journal almost half my life now.. since I was 14 on and off for all those years and it really helps me.. I write when I feel like it and all sorts of things come out when I open up.
I read last weekend about my m/c last year and it really helped me move on with this little Bod as I realised how much stronger I am 6 months on.. all the emotions are still there and I look at the tree we planted in the garden and I feel sad but also at peace with myself..
you sound a very positive person and that will help you at this hard time... and when you don't feel so strong.. we are here to lean on.
xxxxxx
Thanks Anna Marie.
It feels weird to read Sarah 17's post as it's exactly what I went through last weekend. it brought it all back to me.
But I have to think of the future and yes i'm a positive person. I'll get there in the end
I've loved your posts these past few days. They've meant a lot to me.
Thanks again,
S
It feels weird to read Sarah 17's post as it's exactly what I went through last weekend. it brought it all back to me.
But I have to think of the future and yes i'm a positive person. I'll get there in the end
I've loved your posts these past few days. They've meant a lot to me.
Thanks again,
S
Anna Marie
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Any time S, any time.. I am here almost all the time and you can always pm me if I am not online...
Yes Sarah's posts have me all goose bumpy again... I hope its good news for her soon... its hard reading such stories when our memories are so fresh..especially yours - so recent and current.
My sister had a m/c last year too - it was her first and her doc said your first pregnancy is like a dress rehearsal.. sometimes your body just freaks out and doesn't know what to do so it rejects the little bean and then next time it realises and gets on with it and all is well.. I like that theory.. although doesn't work with my history but I like it anyway!!
You really helped me with all my paranoia in my early weeks - your positivity really did encourage me to be more confident.. thank you for that.. I will never forget how supportive you were and all those I chatted to on the ttc threads too... we are all here for each other and like I said without everyone on here I probably would not have had the strength to get through last August and through the next 6 months too..... so if I can help others along the way .. thats great.
xx
Yes Sarah's posts have me all goose bumpy again... I hope its good news for her soon... its hard reading such stories when our memories are so fresh..especially yours - so recent and current.
My sister had a m/c last year too - it was her first and her doc said your first pregnancy is like a dress rehearsal.. sometimes your body just freaks out and doesn't know what to do so it rejects the little bean and then next time it realises and gets on with it and all is well.. I like that theory.. although doesn't work with my history but I like it anyway!!
You really helped me with all my paranoia in my early weeks - your positivity really did encourage me to be more confident.. thank you for that.. I will never forget how supportive you were and all those I chatted to on the ttc threads too... we are all here for each other and like I said without everyone on here I probably would not have had the strength to get through last August and through the next 6 months too..... so if I can help others along the way .. thats great.
xx
I've got such a good feeling about your pregnancy now Anna Marie so I hope you can enjoy it in some way but I appreciate it's difficult. I'll be the same. I like that doctor's theory. I really do 
Do you know the funnest thing is that on Saturday as the bleeding started to really happen my breasts didn't hurt anymore. That was the freakest thing. I could have hit them with a hammer and wouldn't have felt anything. This is why I'm sure my pregnancy only failed at that stage. The scan only showed that the pregnancy had dissolved so there was no bean there. I think it passed when I went to the toilet at home on Saturday. I had huge liver like clots. I'll never know.
Keep well and happy.
S
Do you know the funnest thing is that on Saturday as the bleeding started to really happen my breasts didn't hurt anymore. That was the freakest thing. I could have hit them with a hammer and wouldn't have felt anything. This is why I'm sure my pregnancy only failed at that stage. The scan only showed that the pregnancy had dissolved so there was no bean there. I think it passed when I went to the toilet at home on Saturday. I had huge liver like clots. I'll never know.
Keep well and happy.
S
Anna Marie
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With me the scan showed no heartbeat on the Tuesday and my symptoms had ceased a few days before but little bean didn't pass until a week or so later..
I think its best not to dwell too much on when or where it happened.. i really tortured myself after I flushed my little bean down the loo.
I was so upset after cos I wanted to bury it but I was in turmoil and in so much pain with the contractions etc... but too late.. it was gone.. thats why I planted the acer tree in the garden.
At least you are not suffering too much now that it has passed naturally.. it seemed to drag on for weeks with me.. it was awful.. cannot move on until the physical side has improved.. at least you are getting there.
take care and have a lovely weekend.. will check in over the weekend.. gonna have a very lazy one hopefully... hope you have a nice time with your friend and get some tlc from all those around you!!
xxx
I think its best not to dwell too much on when or where it happened.. i really tortured myself after I flushed my little bean down the loo.
I was so upset after cos I wanted to bury it but I was in turmoil and in so much pain with the contractions etc... but too late.. it was gone.. thats why I planted the acer tree in the garden.
At least you are not suffering too much now that it has passed naturally.. it seemed to drag on for weeks with me.. it was awful.. cannot move on until the physical side has improved.. at least you are getting there.
take care and have a lovely weekend.. will check in over the weekend.. gonna have a very lazy one hopefully... hope you have a nice time with your friend and get some tlc from all those around you!!
xxx
