So upset and don't know what to do

[TaffyRose]

Just had another argument with my OH and am now at the stage I really don't know what to do for the best. My OH has always had an awful temper, don't get me wrong he'd never lay a hand on me but he is an emotional bully and very much a Jekyll and Hyde character. He promised to deal with his anger issues when we found out about the baby but he hasn't in fact he's got worse. He's just screamed at me again and I'm now sat in tears shaking. I can't do a thing right and the honest truth is I'm not good enough. To be honest my OH looks down and judges people a lot but I now know I am one of those people.

He was talking about me changing my name to his the other day as we aren't planning to get married anytime soon and less than a week later screams that he's only with me for the baby. I would never stay in a relationship for a baby and am now getting to the stage where I really don't like him even to the stage of falling out of love with him. I'm not perfect but I know I don't deserve this and I really don't want to bring a baby into an environment where he's happy one minute and screaming the next.

I'm also starting to hate him for making me feel bad about being pregnant. He promised he'd do everything to keep my stress down but that was rubbish. I'm now wondering what to do for the best. He's out until 5.30 and when he gets back he could be all apologetic or he could carry on shouting at me I won't know until he gets in. My SIL thinks I should pack him a bag and just ask him to leave, which I think I might have to do, for my sanity if nothing else.

Not really expecting any replies just good to get home I'm feeling down xxx

 

[dyscochick]

huney. I think you really need some time out to decide what to do and I's follow SiL's advice if I were you. Get some head space and decide if you can cope with it. Mutual respect is as important as love and you really don't deserve to be treated like this, he may as well be hitting you the effect this is having on you. Its not good for you or baby and I have to wonder how he'll treat a LO when they don't meet his expectations. Take some time out and if you don't like him that much, thats a pretty good indicator. Hope you are OK and hope he comes back apologetic (although that might make it hard for you to tell him to go. Take care xxx

 

[VikkiR]

I was with someone like this on and off for 9 years, he used to make me feel guilty so I put up with it. When I had finally come to the end of my tether I asked him to leave and it was the best thing I ever did. He tried to make my life hell for a while after but I stuck to my guns. I kept telling myself that I would feel so much better in 12 months time, no matter how tough things got and I was right. You can't spend a lifetime being wrong just to prove you're right and if you know deep down it's wrong, then get out of the relationship and get strong for your LO. Any man that makes his woman feel bad about herself is not in love with her and will not look after her. You are worth so much more xxxx

 

[frankie707]

I agree with the other girls - you need to get some time on your own away from him to work out what is best for you and the baby. It sounds like he's not a very stable person and that's not good around a baby - especially a newborn.

 

[Corrinne37]

If he leaves for a bit , so you have some space. It may give him that space too to realise just how much you and the baby mean to him.
I dont think you can just carry on like this ,up and down.

You need to make a stand and decide either way what it is that YOU really want, and if HE is prepared to change, and TOGETHER you can work on this or let it go. xxxxxxx

P.s Sometimes with my OH he can get quite nasty, comments etc disrespectful and I go cold and distant, if I make a conscious effort to be more loving, then he is more loving too.
Sometimes we have to look at our behaviour too, not that we are to blame in any way, but just sometimes have to be the bigger person if they have a few issues etc. xxxxx

 

[nikki8092]

Definately think you need time apart. Being pregnant is stressful enough without all the added pressure your OH is putting you through. He needs help with his issues and until he deals with that i dont see how your situation could work. Staying with someone just for the baby is wrong on so many levels and you seem to know this and need to decide whats best for you and baby. Nobody likes being bullied but if he doesnt sort it now then i cant see his attitude changing when baby gets here. xx

 

[netty]

i agree hun its awful to be mentally bullied and to say hes only with you for baby is terrible, get some YOU time and make him see what he has to lose, if it doesnt chnage him then fuck him love. You and Bubs are number 1 at the moment and he should see that

 

[BabyBrain]

Luckily my OH takes after his mum and is very placid (but nobodies fool), whereas his Dad is very spiteful and hurtful. If he ever speaks to my child the way he speaks to me blood WILL be spilt I can promise you this. What you have to think about it how you would feel if he treats your child like this.

He obviously needs some anger management and if it were me he wouldn't be allowed home until he had been on a proper therapy course.

Good luck sweetie xxxxxxxxx

 

[Geminiblue]

Hes made promises that he wont keep..notice I said wont and not cant. Abuse is abuse whether it be mental, emotional, physical. I had a relationship like this once....I got out and I cant tell you how happy I was in the end. Like others have said, whats he going to be like towards you and a child who dont fit his idea of "perfection"! He is very insecure. Low self esteem displays as ego. How must it feel to constantly be comparing yourself to people "am I a better than, am I worse than" and to have to come to the conclusion for his own ego that he is better than most!!!???? Tell him to get over himself and get out honestly I havent looked back since.
Only my opinion xxx

 

[nikkie88]

This doesn't sound healthy for you regardless of wether there's a baby involved. but knowing there IS a baby in your belly getting all these bad vibes, it makes my opinion even stronger.
Pack him a bag and ask him to leave, be straight and tell him, it's for your own sanity and baby's health. You can't cope like this and he needs a wake up call to make him realise what he's slowly losing grip of.
It would hurt but it's the beginning of a solution, there doesn't seem to be anything good about the situation your in now, somethings got to give hun!!
YOU CAN DO IT! xxxxxxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

How are things now Taffy?

I hope you are doing OK? (congrats on getting to 10 weeks - I do peek in on Tri 1 from time to time )

xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Tara1985]

Hi Taffy,

Not been on this section in ages and was really upset to read you are unhappy. I agree with the girls, I think the best thing is for you to take time out. Hopefully he will amend his ways for the sake of your relationship. Be strong hon xxx

 

[TeeUK]

I was in this situation several months ago, my bf is only 22 so I put his temper down to his age at time (I'm 39) but after so long I couldn't take it as I was becoming afraid of him and asked him to leave. He went to live with his parents for 3 mths and we chatted every day on phone. I could tell he was improving so I said to come visit for a few days. He did and we realized we couldn't be without each other....two weeks later (3mths ago) he came back and his temper was no where to be seen, he really did change. I asked him why he said before we split he didn't realize how serious I was about leaving him and when I did he realized that he couldn't behave that way anymore.

The only thing is since I got pregnant I am now the one with the temper and he says if I don't behave he will leave me !!! Easier said than done with the hormones raging.....

Sometimes timeout makes people whats at stake xx

 

[Froslass]

Just had another argument with my OH and am now at the stage I really don't know what to do for the best. My OH has always had an awful temper, don't get me wrong he'd never lay a hand on me but he is an emotional bully and very much a Jekyll and Hyde character. He promised to deal with his anger issues when we found out about the baby but he hasn't in fact he's got worse. He's just screamed at me again and I'm now sat in tears shaking. I can't do a thing right and the honest truth is I'm not good enough. To be honest my OH looks down and judges people a lot but I now know I am one of those people.

He was talking about me changing my name to his the other day as we aren't planning to get married anytime soon and less than a week later screams that he's only with me for the baby. I would never stay in a relationship for a baby and am now getting to the stage where I really don't like him even to the stage of falling out of love with him. I'm not perfect but I know I don't deserve this and I really don't want to bring a baby into an environment where he's happy one minute and screaming the next.

I'm also starting to hate him for making me feel bad about being pregnant. He promised he'd do everything to keep my stress down but that was rubbish. I'm now wondering what to do for the best. He's out until 5.30 and when he gets back he could be all apologetic or he could carry on shouting at me I won't know until he gets in. My SIL thinks I should pack him a bag and just ask him to leave, which I think I might have to do, for my sanity if nothing else.

Not really expecting any replies just good to get home I'm feeling down xxx

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