Single parent - how does it work?

[keelie_b]

hi,
If things were to sadly come to an end with me and OH how do things work with the baby?
I know he'll be a good dad even if he's cr*p as a boyfriend. would he take the baby for the weekend, including over night? We've agreed all along he would take my boyfriends last name would you still do that if you split up? i desperately want to breastfeed how would this work? wasnt keen on expressing at least early on anyway.
Would you have your ex in the room whilst you were in labour?

At the minute we are not on good terms, hoping things will change over next few weeks before baby comes and i hope we're both adult enough to be civil for our sons sake but as it stands things are not good so i dont kow if that would make a difference to your answers.

Please reply, not sure i can do this on my own without some support and any advice would be appreciated. It wasnt meant to be like this, the baby willl not go without and i will make sure he's happy thats my priority but i dont want to be feeling this rubbish. I know pleny of women do it and do it fantastically but i didnt want to be a single parent. I want a happy family

 

[Mik]

If you and your OH could sit down and sort things civilly and friendly would you feel comfortable having him at the birth? Not to use it as a bargaining chip but if you would be happy with him there if you were friendly it is worth pointing out to him in a I want you there to see your son born so please can we keep this as calm and friendly as possible?
I think if you have a mutual friend or two that would sit with you both while you talk things out and help keep things calm it would be a great help.Talk to him about how you want to breastfeed so for the first couple of months at least that is going to mean seeing bubs will mean seeing you and he will have to like it or lump it!
If you start off trying to talk things through and are both willing to compromise then things will more than likely remain that way. You both also have to keep an open mind over things as well as you don't know how things will change for both of you when bubs arrives so don't have anything set in stone.

Good luck hun

 

[Julie84]

If I split up with Neil, baby would definitely have my surname (even though we have agreed on his surname) and I would not want him at the birth.

Also, as a newborn or very young baby, especially while breastfeeding, the baby would never be out of my sight, certainly not staying with anyone at all over night. Neil would be welcome to come round and see his baby but I wouldn't let him take baby away (breastfed babies need to feed on demand so it would just be impractical).

I know Neil will be a brilliant dad and he also a pretty good boyfriend but my child will still be my number one priority when she is born so if he gets his nose pushed out of a joint a bit then it's tough really. I think any sensible person will acknowledge that baby's needs come first and those first few months, especially if breastfeeding, mum is the most important person they need.

I'm sorry you're feeling rubbish. It's bad enough being this pregnant without everything else you've got going on. I really hope you can sort things out one way or another so you feel more settled and confident by the time baby comes. Are you on talking terms with him at the moment? Do you think you would be able to ask him how he things prgressing (your relationship and any expectations he might have for the birth and after)?

 

[Sammystar]

Well firstly, if things are in any way tense between you and your ex, the last thing you will want is to have him at the birth. You need somebody close to you and who you feel very comfortable with there. Tell your ex he can come to the hospital and wait outside the delivery room, and be the first in once the baby is born. That's what I'd do anyway.

Secondly, I would want the baby to have my name, but maybe that's just me.

Third, if you're BF-ing then your ex will have to understand and come to see your LO at your place. Surely he will understand this if you explain it to him?

Good luck