Sibling Rivalry

[littlemonkey]

My eldest is two and a half and baby is five and a half months old. Recently my eldests behaviour has descended into chaos and it's becoming increasingly apparent it's related to his brother. It was difficult for myboy when his bbrother came along initially but with time once I was up on my feet and able to do more with him he seemed to get used to his brother.

And now it's all gone to s***. It's coincided with my eldest getting free childcare hours in the mornings with the childminder. So he goes there five mornings a week. Plus my youngest is now starting to sit up and trying to roll over, so is a lot more aware and involved in play time too. We're also weaning so he gets spoonfed at mealttimes and this is one area my eldest has really deteriorated. It's like his brother was this little spectator that didn't do much and now he's started being involved he doesn't like it.

I have considered leaving childminders, but I'm keen for him to spend time with children his own age. My youngest also needs some one to one time with me. Plus when I go back to work, I'm part time evenings so could do with that break in the mornings.

I just feel so bad for my boys I love them both so much and wish I could cut myself in two to give them both what they want and need from me.

 

[CARNAT22]

It's hard isn't it? James and Bee are both a bit older but sometimes I wish there were two of me.

Does your partner help out much? I find daddy does a lot more with James these days (bedtime for example)

James was initially quite put out when Bee arrived but it was also the start of terrible two's for him so his behaviour wasn't great [in comparison to how he was before - he was such an easy baby / pre 2 year old]. It all seemed to settle though and I am pretty sure within a few months James couldn't remember life without Bee.

He started being a lot more helpful (getting me things for baby) and a lot more loving towards her (patting her head and rubbing her)... He also started liking it when he could make her laugh.

She has been crawling for a month now and James has taken offence to her all over again. He gets upset when she comes for his toys - which she does all the time. Poor boy now plays with everything on the kitchen table as she hangs off of him is he plays on coffee table.

It's hard to watch as I feel sorry for J but Bee us just learning and exploring and doing what babies do.

I am also hoping his free hours give us all a bit of a break to be honest. James can play with kids his own age and Bee can have some one to one time with me. I go back to work FT in January so I'll need to split myself in 3 then!!!

Mummy guilt never goes away, I just tend to manage it as best I can.

X

 

[littlemonkey]

Thanks Carnat, I feel a bit better knowing other mums have experienced the same and it's not just that I'm a crap mum.

My OH is fab with the boys and he tends to do similar to your husband with putting our eldest to bed. This could be another thread on its own, because it's meant our youngest has a screaming fit if daddy tries to put him to bed now. We've started alternating who has who now and I'm wondering if our eldest has been put out by that too? My husband works long days though and has been doing an extra day for overtime while I'm on mat leave so I am on my own with them 7-5 most days.

What you've described with the toys and crawling sounds really similar to what my boy is like. He kicks off if I give baby anything, he was even complaining he wanted his spoon at lunch today!