There's no short way to tell this do apologies in advance for the length!
Ive been married for 4 years, we've been together for 7 years.
When we first got together we were both party animals. Both very social. This continued after we got married. I obviously stopped partying when I fell pregnant with my daughter and as I breastfed for 13 months I didn't go out after having her. I fell pregnant 2 months after I stopped breast feeding so in two years Ive probably been out twice!!
Before I got pregnant I was in contact via email with an ex... Not even an ex but a friend I used to sleep with. Oh found the emails just after I got pregnant, I had stopped dmailing by then but obviously oh wasn't happy. He told me we were over a few times but changed his mind.
Before and after finding my emails oh has always been quite reckless when drunk. I should mention that he's bi-sexual. On one night out he actually walked away from me with his arm round a guy and didn't come home until 10 am. After he found the emails he went out drinking and dies appeared until midday the next day. I was pregnant and terrified. He told me he'd gone back to a random blokes but that nothing had happened.
At the time I believed I deserved to be punished so I let him get away with all sorts. I have no proof he actually cheated but alot of suspicion!
Once I had my daughter he didn't go out do often. But when he did I would find suspicious messages on his phone from some guy. Again though no actual proof. I found a app on his phone for meeting men in your local area. He set up a new email for going on gay sites, he accidentally left it logged in.
Basically alot of dodgy behaviour and suspicion but no actual proof.
We did decide to end it last november, then in jan I discovered I was pregnant again and he begged me to come back. I never wanted my daughter to be raised only seeing her dad on weekends, so the idea of two children only seeing their dad on weekends was worse, so I'm back.
I don't trust him. I told him I don't want him going out, he thinks this is unreasonable. He still acts like I'm the wrong doer... I just sent emails that were to a friend, the worst thing in the emails was me slagging my husband off after rows Awful I know but not cheating. My husband actually told me that 'I started it'!!
I get that I hurt him but he can't punish me for ever, it's now two years on, I really don't know what to do. If there were no children involved I'd have left a long time ago, but I grew up without a father and really don't want that for my children.
Am I just being weak.... Should I call it a day? He won't do marriage counselling and I don't really have any other ideas.
Ive been married for 4 years, we've been together for 7 years.
When we first got together we were both party animals. Both very social. This continued after we got married. I obviously stopped partying when I fell pregnant with my daughter and as I breastfed for 13 months I didn't go out after having her. I fell pregnant 2 months after I stopped breast feeding so in two years Ive probably been out twice!!
Before I got pregnant I was in contact via email with an ex... Not even an ex but a friend I used to sleep with. Oh found the emails just after I got pregnant, I had stopped dmailing by then but obviously oh wasn't happy. He told me we were over a few times but changed his mind.
Before and after finding my emails oh has always been quite reckless when drunk. I should mention that he's bi-sexual. On one night out he actually walked away from me with his arm round a guy and didn't come home until 10 am. After he found the emails he went out drinking and dies appeared until midday the next day. I was pregnant and terrified. He told me he'd gone back to a random blokes but that nothing had happened.
At the time I believed I deserved to be punished so I let him get away with all sorts. I have no proof he actually cheated but alot of suspicion!
Once I had my daughter he didn't go out do often. But when he did I would find suspicious messages on his phone from some guy. Again though no actual proof. I found a app on his phone for meeting men in your local area. He set up a new email for going on gay sites, he accidentally left it logged in.
Basically alot of dodgy behaviour and suspicion but no actual proof.
We did decide to end it last november, then in jan I discovered I was pregnant again and he begged me to come back. I never wanted my daughter to be raised only seeing her dad on weekends, so the idea of two children only seeing their dad on weekends was worse, so I'm back.
I don't trust him. I told him I don't want him going out, he thinks this is unreasonable. He still acts like I'm the wrong doer... I just sent emails that were to a friend, the worst thing in the emails was me slagging my husband off after rows Awful I know but not cheating. My husband actually told me that 'I started it'!!
I get that I hurt him but he can't punish me for ever, it's now two years on, I really don't know what to do. If there were no children involved I'd have left a long time ago, but I grew up without a father and really don't want that for my children.
Am I just being weak.... Should I call it a day? He won't do marriage counselling and I don't really have any other ideas.
