Should I contact her or not?

[LouiseB]

Hiya,

I've just found out that my hubby's relative has been for a scan and sadly there was no heartbeat. I didn't know she was pregnant.

I've only met her a handful of times but we seemed to have a lot in common and I don't know if I should contact her and offer her my condolences.

My hubby isn't inclined to contact her and I would do, but she made a rather snarky comment on FB about her loss so I'm not sure.

She addressed "all the people who hadn't bothered to ask how the scan went" and told them "the baby is dead" and then she addressed "all the people who had asked if she'd find out the sex" and made a similar remark about having to pass the corpse first...

Then she changed the subject and happily talked about her pets

I don't know whether she'd view any contact from me as something to be sneered at.

What do you think? xx

 

[Olive]

I'd maybe contact her or send a card just to say how sorry you were to hear their news x


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Sunbeam638]

Contact her to say sorry for your loss & you didn't know she was pregnant. If its on fb then it's tricky for you not to say anything if your friends with her.

Fx she won't be narked with you, you certainly dont deserve it for being thoughtful! I think anyone who knew about my loss it was hard for them to know what to say & thoughtful to say sorry when they did.
xxx

 

[SunnySue]

TBH if you have only met a handful of times and aren't really friends then I wouldn't contact her. I dont mean this in a nasty way, just that it's a very personal time and I dont think I would have appreciated messages from people I don't consider myself close to?
It sounds as if her remarks on fb are aimed at particular people and she may just be really upset and looking for someone to be angry with.
She didn't tell you that she was pregnant so isn't going to expect anything from you and you dont want to get caught in the firing line while she looks for someone to blame.
I know how selfish this sounds but I think she needs to be left to it and for her close friends and family to help her through this difficult time x

 

[CARNAT22]

Another example of why I hate FB.

Sorry but when I had my losses announcing it to the world was the last thing I wanted to do, but I am a very private person and I know everyone deals with their loss differently

If you have a number for her why not send her a text, I wouldn't do it through FB though.

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[knopk@]

If you are not close to her i wouldnt.contact her tbh,its probably a horrible time if she was that far along to be finding out the gender

Tapatalking so cant see signatures

 

[Corrinne37]

Hi Louise,
I'd say by voicing it on FB means that she is looking for sympathy she feels ripped apart and needs as much attention
and TLC as possible.

So if you have seen these messages then i would send her your condolences, like the girls said she wont be angry with you as you never knew. but you can offer your sympathy and have apathy with her.

Like Carnat, I would never of dreamed of being so public, like im sure you would never be so public with your troubles.
But I would take as a cry for help.
I dont think it can hurt to let someone know you are thinking of them .

I found out a distance friend lost a baby on fb, i private messaged her, as my herat went out to her, even though we had not spoken for years and she was very appreciative of this xxx

xxx

 

[LouiseB]

Thanks for the replies.

That is what I was scared of Sunny, I didn't want to aggravate the situation for her if she is feeling angry.

I was just worrying about her being upset and have scared off anyone from trying to comfort her, even though she might still need it?

 

[SunnySue]

It's a difficult one isnt it?
If you are really concerned then maybe send her a text and just say you have seen the sad news on FB, have been through similar yourself and are around if she wants to talk?
Keep it short and sweet and leave it open for her to contact you back if she wants/needs.
I really think the Fb thing is just a way her venting her anger at the situation and maybe getting a dig in a few specific people.
Good luck xx

 

[laurat]

Hmmm Louise this is a hard one. As others have said making it public by putting it on facebook is either anger or truely seeking some TLC. Id say you go with your gut instinct which was to just contact her to say you were thinking of her. Id do it privately but dont think a little message can harm but could mean a lot!

 

[JJ Mum]

As your family anyway being with your hubby , I would send a message just to say youve seen her posts on facebook, and you wanted to say your there for her if she needs anything. It really can't hurt and I think even if your not close, it shows you care , you won't make her angry, your not intruding in her grief, just caring. She must have posted on facebook without thinking, while angry, as it's not the place for that sort of thing. I mentioned my 12 week one on there only as part of my pregnancy annoucement at 20 weeks preg the next time.

 

[LuciaLeek]

As some of the girls have said, the fact that she's posted this on FB sounds like a cry for some TLC. If I were you, I'd send a card through the post saying that you're thinking about her and her OH...if there's anything you can do to help you're only a phone call away etc.

I think this then gives her the option to reply to you or to just leave it be. I think a card is a lot more thoughtful than a FB or text message. As you don't know her overly well a phone call could just be awkward.

Good luck Louise

 

[LouiseB]

Hiya everyone

Well, rightly or wrongly, I chickened out of contacting her figuring that if I did annoy her that it would be easy for her to make an enemy out of me because we don't see each other very much.

However, since she has been back on Facebook basically saying that the hospital was a disaster and blood transfusions required and her hubby forgot her anniversary and one of her pet snails died and she hopes everyone is enjoying their happy lives. She didn't put it as nicely as me, it was very hostile.

I'm now quite glad that I didn't contact her if she is still so angry, but I'm also less sympathetic and feel more angry myself. Everyone has issues.

I'm just wondering if there is anything that anyone might be able to do for her at the moment and maybe I could provoke the family into doing something? Maybe refer her to someone? xx

 

[SunnySue]

This might sound harsh hun but she isn't your problem. If she is really that angry at the moment then getting involved may only serve to anger her even more? She may see your help as interference.
As horrible and selfish as this is going to sound, I would just leave her to it. She has family and a partner and if they are worried then they need to act. You are not close to her and she is not your responsibility.
She sounds like she has some issues that need to be resolved, I juts dont think you are the one to resolve them?? Sorry if that sounds harsh x