Would you make contact?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Liam32, Jun 2, 2005.

  1. Liam32

    Liam32 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2005
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi all, I'm sure I shouldn't post this here but I would like the opinion of Mums to be.

    I've just discovered that my ex gave birth at the end of last month, but during the pregnancy we had a lot of contact.

    More or less every two weeks I'd receive a text or email saying that she still loved me and was thinking of me or remembering that on that day the previous year we were together doing something special, during this time she made no mention of the pregnancy.

    My question is, if you're happy with your life and pregnant with your new guy's child, would you do that?

    I haven't heard from her since the birth so I guess she's trying to make a go of it, but surely the arrival of a new baby will not make things better between them?

    I'm know I wouldn't be to happy if I had a girlfriend who was pregnant and was in regular contact with her ex!

    I really would value your opinions.
     
  2. Lisa J

    Lisa J Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2005
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    0
    thats a bit of a strange one.
    you do have to remember that her hormones would have been all over the place during her pregnancy however if i was you i would give her a call and just ask her how it is going and maybe you could suggest a lunch meeting just as friends and have a good chat then.
    sorry that was prob no help at all!
    Good luck
    x
     
  3. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2005
    Messages:
    4,815
    Likes Received:
    0
    the big question here is, do you still have feelings for her??
     
  4. Kim

    Kim Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2005
    Messages:
    3,781
    Likes Received:
    0
    Are you sure the baby isn't yours???
     
  5. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 19, 2005
    Messages:
    4,815
    Likes Received:
    0
    i am in sort of the same boat, im trying to make a go of things with my partner coz im pregnant, but i can get my ex out of my mind, he said he wanted me back but then i found out i was pregnant so i decided to make a go of things with my new partner, plus i didnt think my ex would want to raise someone elses child, nor would i expect him too.

    but i got to be honest, and i know this is bad, but if my ex said he wanted me back and would be ok about my pregnancy, then i think i would coz i know i would be happy with him.

    so Liam, if you do have any feeling for this girl, you have to tell her, she sounds very confused and prob needs to know where she stands
     
  6. HayleyB

    HayleyB Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2005
    Messages:
    1,926
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree with what Lisa J has said... my head is all over the place at the moment....
    Maybe she does still love you, but if she's trying to make a go of it then maybe even though it will be super hard for you try and leave it..... let her make the contact!!!

    Good luck

    xxxx

    p.s - there's not many men who would consider making contact with thier ex when she's got a new baby!!! (i'm sure alot of men would run!)
     
  7. Nikki2003

    Nikki2003 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2005
    Messages:
    155
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't think that you and her should bothor with eachother.....sorry but to me if she has a baby to another man your hangen around with her isn't the best choice......an ex is an ex for a reason. you'd be beter off moving on.
     
  8. Liam32

    Liam32 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2005
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi all, many thank's for the replies I really appreciate them. Sadly the baby isn't mine, my feelings for her haven't changed even though we haven't been together for over a year, I'd still do anything to be with her.

    What I didn't mention in my earlier post was that in March she asked me to leave her alone and never attempt to contact her again. I suppose I posted on here as I'm struggling to move on and get over things, and wanted a little feelgood factor, as well as hopefully find out why she would want text me whilst pregnant with her new boyfriends child.

    I respected her wishes and haven't made any form of contact whatsoever, now the twist in the tale, I've just received an email from her asking if I'm ok and would I like to stay in touch and be friends! Her baby would be about one month old by now and I'm guessing she must have her hands full looking after the child and doing everything else round the house, the question is what do I do now?

    I love her more than I've loved anyone and the chance to re establish contact and maybe build bridges is one I don't really want to miss, If she was happy with her life then surely she shouldn't be contacting me??

    Thanks for reading and thanks again for your replies.
     
  9. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2005
    Messages:
    2,296
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi,

    it's a tricky one you're right. Apparently it's really common for women to dream and think about ex boyfriends when they're pregnant. During my first three months all I dreamt about was relationships where there's still tension- both good and bad- and I've heard that it's because your unconscious is helping you to work through unresolved issues so that you have a clean slate with which to start off as a mother. This could have been why she kept contacting you during this time- perhaps she felt differently afterwards but since feels guilty about it?

    The question is more about you really. Will seeing her again help you to put the relationship with her to rest or will it just stop you from moving on as you say? Do you think you can stand just being friends with her if that's what she wants? My best mate is a fantastic guy and almost always stays friends with his ex girlfriends. In some cases I think it's really mature and in others I know it's just because he finds the thought of not being with them too painful to face and would rather have half a difficult relationship with them than none at all. I do know that some nice girls that he's been out with since have not been able to deal with this though. Sometimes he'll invite two or three ex girlfriends to a party or something and there are still issues there and I can see present girlfriends mentally running for the hills and then shortly doing so! I for one would feel incredibly uncomfortable with my husband meeting up with his main ex and spending time with her and as grown up as I'd like to be I don't think this situation will change. (We've been together 12 years this December so it's not like she's a recent concern either.) So I'm just warning you that if you still feel that way about her it might not help you to find someone else as they might feel threatened by her even if there's no chance of anything happening between you. Emotionally she still has a lot of your attention and it doesn't make us ladies feel terribly confident when we feel like we're playing second fiddle if you see what I mean? It's No 1 or nothing in most cases!

    Then again if you think she might still love you and actually regrets not being with you then maybe it's worth meeting up with her to see once and for all what her intentions are. I hope she's not using you and stringing you along whenever she's annoyed with her guy in order to feel better about herself as you sound like a great guy. (I do know people who do this.) Perhaps if you met up you should just go out and ask her what her feelings are- it might call her bluff. If you're feeling strong you could say that this will be your final meeting and that you want to know once and for all- no funny business- whether there's a chance. That way you'll know and can stop worrying about it and either sort it out or move on.

    Good luck :)
    +++
     
  10. Nikki2003

    Nikki2003 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2005
    Messages:
    155
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think it's alright to be friends with an ex when you're younger but when you're older and pregnant to a guy and or married to a guy, getting serious, in a steady committed relationship, ext. then I don't think it's the best thing for a girl to have her ex calling or hangen around. Like I would seriously be P.O.ed if any of my husbands ex's called even though I know he married me and there's no doubt in my mind he's not interested in her it's just the point why is she calling? And the same is with me like he gets mad when an ex calls me.....(that happened a couple times, same guy called but the ONLY reason that guy has my # is because our parents are best friends and we grew up together...which does kinda make it hard seeing that we were good friends growing up but it's like an ex is still an ex no matter what)!
     
  11. Nikki2003

    Nikki2003 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2005
    Messages:
    155
    Likes Received:
    0
    But then again it depends on the situation and the people involved. you gotta decide what you want.
     
  12. -Cat-

    -Cat- Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2005
    Messages:
    477
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think to be honest you need to think about whats best for your ex. As much as you still have feelings for her and want to see her, its not fair for you possibly jepodise her family. Its common when a relationship ends for both parties to want nothing to do with each other for a while, no matter how amicable the split was, just to alow both parties to get over things, which is why your ex probably told you before that she wanted nothing to do with her. I am still good firends with my ex-husband and my partner is fine with it, but I know my ex needed time without talking to me, for him to get over things. I suggest you do the same. Explain to her that you still have feelings and that its difficult for you at the moment, but in the future you would like to return to being friends and Im sure she will be understanding. But at all costs unless she comes to you wanting more than a friendship don't try to interfer in her relationship as much as you may want her or feel she would be happier with you, your feelings will be clouding your judgement and do you really want to be responsible for breaking up a family?
     
  13. Liam32

    Liam32 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2005
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi everyone, thanks again for the replies, just thought I'd write to give a little update.

    I replied to Her email and said I was happy to stay in contact if that's what she wants, I've not initiated any of the contact I just reply to any email sent. She's been sending them about twice a week now since the middle of june, mostly small talk about what she's been up to and how her baby is, although no mention of the boyfriend

    Things have now moved a stage further, back in March when she told me to leave her alone, she changed her phone number but 3 weeks ago she sent me a text which obviously gave me her new number and pretty much since then I've got 2 or 3 text's a couple of times a week, then last week she actually rang and we spoke for 15 minutes, again just small talk, I didn't know what to say as my heart was thumping so fast, even though I've dozen's of questions I'd like to ask. In the last 7 days I've had 5 text's 2 emails and 1 phone call, I'm not sure that would be normal if you're truly happy in your relationship?

    I know many of you think I should leave well alone but I'm not the one initiating the contact, I love her to bit's so there's no possibility of me telling to her leave me alone, it may have a detrimental effect on her new relationship but if she's unhappy wouldn't it be better to bring a child up in a family where 2 people loved each other?

    Some of you have mentioned that an ex is an ex for a reason, well I won't go into to much detail but neither of us wanted it to end, it wasn't a case of not getting on or drifting apart, I had complications in my life which I didn't deal with quick enough and I guess after 14 months she felt I had had enough time and probably thought it wouldn't happen so she let herself meet someone else, even after she met him I still had the chance, but I dragged my heels and by the time I had sorted things she had gone through a couple of traumatic moments with his support and I guess she felt she had to give him another chance.

    Thanks again for reading and offering your advice.
     
  14. Guest

    I'm glad things are looking up for you. Hope things go smoothly and just tread careful. Don't rush things is my advice.

    xx
     
  15. Liam32

    Liam32 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2005
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi, just thought I'd give a little update to the above and to say thanks for all the replies and advice shared.

    Unfortunately it seems I have mis-read a lot of the phone calls and text's from my ex.

    We've had quite a lot of contact recently but sadly mostly just to say how happy and good things are for her. We actually met at the weekend for a coffee and a chat, there was still a little spark and we had a nice time, but she made it clear that her future would not be with me and that she no longer had the same feelings. She brought along her beautiful baby daughter who is the image of her mother, with deep blue eyes and lovely blonde hair, just seeing them made me realise that I have to let go and let her get on with life.

    She's started planning number two as well as talk of moving to Canada where her new man is from, I wished her the best of luck and we've vowed to keep in touch for as long as possible and to remain friends, which I'm sure we will.

    I have to admit that it's probably for the best now as my complications have made a reappearance and I have to return to Toulouse with my job, it's going to be hard and the distance will hurt but I guess they'll be less chance of bumping into each other and feeling the emotions again.

    There is an upside to all this, by returning to France I'll be able to see more of my own beautiful 7 year old daughter from my previous relationship and to at least be a part of her life again.

    Thanks again for all your advice and comments.

    Liam.
     
  16. futuremum

    futuremum Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2005
    Messages:
    733
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Liam!!!

    I think you are doing the right thing here. It is not easy to let go but this is the best proof of respect and affection you are showing towards your ex-girlfriend.
    I wish you all the best of luck in Toulouse. Being French myself, I know this is a beautiful town, oh sometimes I miss my country lol And enjoy your time with your daughter :)
     
  17. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2005
    Messages:
    2,174
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Liam

    Just read through your post and all the replies. One thing I never read about is how the other man would be feeling if he found out his girlfriend was chating, meeting up and texting her ex. If the shoes was on the other foot and she was with you and you'd just had a beautiful daughter together - would you be happy that she was texting, meeting and chatting with her ex who she obviously cares a lot for? I know how i'd feel about it (devistated/cheated on/and angry)

    There's no question the 2 of you have a lot of strong feeling for each other but i think for the sake of the innocent one (the boyfriend) i'd call it a day. Make the break with no contact inc texting. That way you'll be able to move on your self and meet someone else (if you haven't already) .

    Good luck with your move!
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice