sex after a miscarriage?

[Cyprus08]

my DH and I had sex for the first time last night since I had an early miscarriage at the beginning of last week.

I thought I was ready but after it was over I was just absolutely hysterical. Dont get me wrong I absolutley adore my DH and it was what we both wanted but I was just shaking and sobbing. I am absolutley terrified of getting pregnant again and having another miscarriage. I dont ever want to have to feel the way I did sitting in that hospital last week.

Did anybody else feel like this?

 

[trixipaws]

i must admit i let my emotions get in the way of sex the first time we did it after my miscarriage. it wasnt a fear of getting pregnant again though, i cant put my finger on what it was. i think i thought that i was degrading the baby or something, idk i was just thinking about oh what if there's blood afterwards, which wouldnt bother me if it was just period blood it was dwelling on what it was i felt like a necrophile. my head was really messed up though.

i kno for fact in my case i thought i was ready when in fact i wasnt. i did the same thing after giving birth too. i push myself to "prove" something i am stupid!

sounds like youre the same (not the stupid part!) you thought you were ready now you've realised you weren't. my advice is to take it easy, when u think u might be ready again, try it, but if it feels not right then stop straight away. i'm sure ur OH is very understanding and will be again. FWIW i was ok with sex again once the spotting had completely stopped. x x x

 

[HannahD]

oh sweetheart

I think that's quite natural for you to feel like that after the traumatic time you've been through. You aren't quite ready to try again yet hun, give yourself a little more time to heal. The fear does go away after a while. I was really concerned how I'd react when me and my oh started trying again but thankfully once we'd started it felt right.

Take good care xx

 

[Kittykins]

we were told to wait at least one clear week after the bleeding had stopped before having sex (though that was a m/c at 16 weeks after 2 failed D&Cs, and they were concerned about the risk of infection).

Anyway, I decided to carry on TTC as though nothing had happened, like I could just blank it all out. I was fine the first and second times, but after the third time, I just couldn't go on and told DH that we'd have to have a break for a few weeks. That break has turned into a few months since I got pg again and this has been a threatened m/c so no sex.... I can't say it's been easy, I've had all sorts of emotions - when I saw the BFP, I just completely broke down and cried for 30 minutes. I've no idea what got into me, but I was just shaking, thinking oh sh*t, here we go again... Another 10 weeks of weekly hospital appts, scans, operations and internal examinations till it's all over again...

At other times, I think being pg really did help. Especially when my brother and SIL announced they were expecting - and had conceived the very weekend of my miscarriage. We didn't even know they were TTC as they'd told us they weren't going to till this year. If I hadn't been pg, I really don't know if I could have spoken to them again, it hurt so much (obviously they knew about the D&Cs and yet deliberately decided to start TTC then). At least I had sth to look forward to.

Unfortunately, you need to take risks in order to get the reward. Once you've m/c you're always going to be aware of the risk - but there will come a time when you feel strong enough to take it. It's like having a skiing accident or falling off a bike. You know it may happen again - but on the other hand, it may not. And when you want to ski, or cycle, more than you're afraid of falling, then's the right time to try again.

 

[Cyprus08]

Thankyou for all your good advice ladies as always