Rollercoaster Ride

[5Element]

Sorry to bother you all ladies but this rollercoaster ride is quite something. I just dont know if I am coming or going! My OH is such a wonderful sweet support but he is not the one going to the toilet (or having the cramps) which are a constant reminder of whats going on.

To make matters worse, my friend in work just had her baby on the weekend and I talked to her and have had to be so happy for her (I am happy for her BUT IT HURTS!!) whilst going through all this. She doesnt know this with me as I cant tell anyone at work and certainly dont want to upset her in her joy at having a little one! She deserves it!

Sorry, just need to get some things off my chest. I know time is the best healer but why cant we invent a time machine?!?!?

 

[leean10]

I am so sorry for your loss hon.

I found out on the 4th June of this year I was pg and by the following week I had started bleeding and losing my 4th pregnancy. It was only 2 months previously I had lost my 3rd so my emotions were all over the place.

Time is a healer but you will never ever forget you were pregnant and you will hurt for a while but I promise it does get better sweetie!! It is going to hurt like hell when you have your first af after this and maybe the 2nd but it will eventually ease and you can go on trying again.

Take your time to cry, scream, rant or whatever you want to do and let it all out, I found it the best way to help the healing process.

Good luck hon, I hope your next is a super sticky bean.

All my love

Lee-Ann xx

 

[BunnyN]

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you loss. I've used the word 'rollercoaster' in my posts recently so I get that even though I didn't have to do through everything you have. I thought I was pregnant last month and then I wasn't, I'm not sure if it was a chemical or just a false alarm but it totally messed my emotions up. I cried every time I saw a baby for the next two weeks, I mean we weren't even TTC and I didn't even know if I was pregnant for sure so it seemed silly but I it's just how I felt. I found this forum helped so much because it was hard to explain to anyone, and I didn't think they would understand so my OH was the only one who knew, he was wonderful about it and very supportive but it's different talking to ladies that understand. It must be so hard to have a friend with a new baby, I cried every time I saw a baby or a pregnant woman for two weeks after, I finally started to get myself together last week and got a BFP this week! I was scared to be excited at first but I'm trying to just enjoy it because it's not like worrying about it will help, if something goes wrong there isn't much you can do. You have even more to cope with than I did but it was hard enough that it made me realize that I hadn't really understood what friends of mine that had early MCs had been through.

Please don't feel like you are a bother, that's what this forum is for and your experience will help others going though loss. Don't bottle up, try to talk to the ladies on here and to you OH or a good friend, it's good to cry too, you need time to work through this.

 

[5Element]

Hi BunnyN!

YAHHOOOO CONGRATULATIONS!!! Here is lots of sticky baby dust for one little very sticky bean going your way!!

Enjoy what ever comes your way! Being pregnant is the most wonderful experience you can have! Whilst I was the superstitious silent reader (didnt want to tell a soul about it as I just had the first MC and didnt want to put to much faith in the next!). Now I realize just how good it is to talk with ladies that understand you! I hope that you have a wonderful 9 months working through each Trimester section!

It was such a comfort to read your post this morning THANKYOU! Just to know you are not alone helps so much. I think yesterday was the worst day and (I hope) the worst is over. The funny thing is, I read on another post somewhere that the feelings for trying again will come back at some point and THEY ARE SO RIGHT! I know that I want to give myself a break but we definately want to try again. What comes out of it at the end is MORE than worth the pain now.

All the best and I hope to be following you after a couple of months!!

 

[Katkin72]

Hi 5Element, I'm so sorry to hear about your mc I had a mc in July and thought my world was ending, I was off work for a month and was absolutely devastated. To make matters worse, my best friend is also pregnant (about 8 weeks ahead of me), so every time I see her and her increasing bump it's a constant reminder of what I lost It is definately a rolleroaster of emotions BUT, I have to say I am starting to feel much better now. Just take it day by day and allow yourself time to grieve and cry when you need to. I am now just over 3 weeks post D&C and we are trying again. As people say, hold onto the positives - you know you can get pregnant, this little one just wasn't meant to be (sorry, I hope that doesn't sound cruel - I'm crying now!!!). Thinking of you and sending virtual hugs xxx

 

[5Element]

Hi Katkin! BIG back at ya!

Thankyou very much! Today I really do feel better and like you say, at least we know we can get pg! One step after another.
I hope you dont mind me asking but you wrote you had a d&c.... I was told that i should have one on Wed this week but I decided against it as I wanted to try the natural way (my homeopathic doc helped me too) and "things are going well" if you can call this well!! But I will have a check up with my Gyno on Mon next week to see if I do need one. I am quite abit scared at the thought of a d&c. Is it as scary as I imagine it?? I hope you dont mind me asking..................

 

[jojo3972]

Hiya I'm realy sorry ur going through this with having 2 in the past yr or so I know what that roller coaster is like and it's the worse one in the world bloody horrible ,I tried for a medical managed one with my first which was horrendous and it didn't work so had erpc which is like a dnc but they uses suction instead I was scared shitless but it was fine I just wanted the nightmare to end and be able to move on I need that control at least over my body as it was obvious that my body wasn't going to do this easily so I took control and with my second my baby died at 7 weeks I found out at 10 weeks and had no idea no spotting no cramps even had my symptoms so it was pretty obvious again my body wasn't going to play ball again so again I took control and had the erpc I needed that control and I had to have this over with I was devastated as I had seen the heartbeat 1 day before week 7 so the next scan was a total shock to me this was bk in may I'm ok ish now have down days more so as my due date fast approaches but I'm hoping for my bfp realy soon which will hopefully make things a little easier,I realy hope it is over very soon for you and it's not to painfull as for the erpc it realy wasn't as bad as I expected and I only bled for 1 day which was a bonus but with my first I bled for 2 weeks it's just one of those things we just don't know how it's gonna go till we are there,take care of ur self xxxxx

 

[BunnyN]

Hi BunnyN!

YAHHOOOO CONGRATULATIONS!!! Here is lots of sticky baby dust for one little very sticky bean going your way!!

Enjoy what ever comes your way! Being pregnant is the most wonderful experience you can have! Whilst I was the superstitious silent reader (didnt want to tell a soul about it as I just had the first MC and didnt want to put to much faith in the next!). Now I realize just how good it is to talk with ladies that understand you! I hope that you have a wonderful 9 months working through each Trimester section!

It was such a comfort to read your post this morning THANKYOU! Just to know you are not alone helps so much. I think yesterday was the worst day and (I hope) the worst is over. The funny thing is, I read on another post somewhere that the feelings for trying again will come back at some point and THEY ARE SO RIGHT! I know that I want to give myself a break but we definately want to try again. What comes out of it at the end is MORE than worth the pain now.

All the best and I hope to be following you after a couple of months!!

I'm glad it helped, It's not like there is anything that anyone can say that makes it better but it feels less lonely and hopeless when you can share experiences. My OH suggested we try TTC after I was so upset last month when my period came. I said maybe but I wanted to wait a couple of months for my emotions to calm down, so this month wasn't exactly planned either (there was just one time we didn't use protection) so I was kind of surprised but I'm really happy about it. It sounds really strange but even the idea of a CP makes me a sad I wouldn't change things now because if I had stayed pregnant last month I wouldn't be having this baby and now I just care about this baby. I'm sure when you get your baby it won't make all the sadness go away but the joy will be even bigger. It is worth to talk to the doctor about it because I believe there are a couple of conditions that cause repeat MC that have simple solutions, it could be as simple as needing hormone supplements. So women have healthy pregnancies after one MC that they don't usually test until it's a repeat problem.

 

[Katkin72]

Hi Katkin! BIG back at ya!

Thankyou very much! Today I really do feel better and like you say, at least we know we can get pg! One step after another.
I hope you dont mind me asking but you wrote you had a d&c.... I was told that i should have one on Wed this week but I decided against it as I wanted to try the natural way (my homeopathic doc helped me too) and "things are going well" if you can call this well!! But I will have a check up with my Gyno on Mon next week to see if I do need one. I am quite abit scared at the thought of a d&c. Is it as scary as I imagine it?? I hope you dont mind me asking..................

Hi 5Element, of course I don't mind you asking.
I was given the option of passing everything naturally (which was my 1st choice when we 1st found out the baby had died), having medication to help pass everything or have a D&C. After 1 1/2 weeks of having nothing but slight spotting every day I couldn't stand it any longer and opted for a D&C. I couldn't stand it dragging on any longer - I felt like I was in limbo.
I was terrified of the procedure and to add to my fear I am also scared of needles lol. On the day I was really scared & emotional, I won't lie it is a horrible thing to go though. However, the procedure itself is only a minor op that is done under a general anaesthetic and lasts about 15 minutes. I was very tearful when I came round from the surgery and had stomach cramps like bad period pains. They gave me pain relief and later tht afternoon I was able to go home and rest. I bled quite a bit after the surgery but by the time I went home it was only spotting. The spotting lasted about 10 days but it was so light I only needed a panty liner.

The reasons I changed my mind and chose a D&C were 1) I couldn't stand waiting for my body to reject everything, it was soul destroying and I needed closure and 2) if you have a D&C there is less chance of there being any remaining tissue which can cause infection.

I know it's a really scary thing to think about but apart from the emotional side, it really is a simple and quick procedure. Other women have shared their stories on PF which I found really helpful before I had mine. You may find it helpful to read some of them. I hope your appt goes well next week and hopefully you won't need to have surgery. Feel free to PM if you want to chat. Sending love and hugs Kath xxx

 

[5Element]

Hi Kath!

Thanks very much for this! Sorry it took a while to respond. I think I hit rock bottom and now am moving on the way up! On Mon I have my appt with the doc to see how things are going. Now I will just be happy when this is all over and OH and I can start to plan for the future. I have started to realise that there really can be a furture and it doesnt mean that the next time round the same will happen, though I am going to push the doctors abit to find out if there is anything up with me!

Thanks again for your advice, it helps to read that, though not a nice op, it isnt as scary as I thought a d&c would be!

 

[Katkin72]

You're welcome 5Element It was actually the 1st time I had written it all down. I thought I would be really emotional writing about it but actually it did help. I had my surgery on 28th July and already I am starting to feel much better emotionally. How many weeks were you? After my 1st scan they said I was 6 1/2 weeks so still very early days, but it was still heartbreaking. Even in these few short week I felt I was bonding with my 'baby' already, and had been out to buy maternity clothes the weekend before things started to go wrong (my stomach was quite bloated and my normal clothes were getting to the point where they were too tight!). I have put everything baby related in bags and stored them away till I need them - seeing them around was really upsetting me.

I'm glad you are starting to feel a bit better - remember it will take time and you will have good days and bad days. I would say 'I'm feeling much better today, I think I've got my head around it' And half an hour later I would be in floods of tears
BUT it's true what they say, it does get easier with time, just be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. How is your OH doing? Are you able to talk about it together? My OH was fantastic, especially when I had the D&C. It was a week or 2 after when I had started to heal emotionally and physically, that he broke down. But, we are supporting each other and we have both now been able to move on. We are still very sad at our loss but it's a bearable sadness, if that makes sense?

I hope your appt goes well next week and FX you won't need a D&C. I think the worst bit is being scared of the unknown, as i said the actual procedure is usually very straightforward. When I was wheeled down for my surgery one of the nurses was talking to me as I was in floods of tears. she asked if it was my 1st mc and when I said yes she replied 'the 1st one is always the worst......' I know she meant well and it really wasn't what I wanted to hear, but now I can kind of understand what she meant. I think i said something like 'i dont ever want another one.....' Any mc is devastating, but the fear of the unknown makes it seem even worse. Sorry - this isn't a very cheerful post! Hope I haven't upset you

PM if you ever want to chat, I'll be thinking of you. Let me know how you get on.

Kath xxx

 

[5Element]

Hi Katkin!

Thank you so much for your response! It feels so nice that others are thinking about you, especially those that have been through what I am going through! It is just so hard as you cant really tell anyone (though my OH and I have decided to tell a few people what is going on).

I had the appt today and the doc said that there is still alot there BUT, it is only 1 week and he said I could do a d&c tomorrow if I want to but he also said it would be ok to wait and see how things are doing in a week and if needs be, do one then. As I really dont want one and would prefer the more natural method (I very rarely take medicine, only when absolutely necessary, and do alot with alternative remedies) will trust him and my homeopathic doc and wait another week. It feels kinda good to be moving forwards and although I may still need one, it looks less likely (Fx).

My mum comes out to visit this week (I hoped to be telling her she will be a gran) but still, after she has got over the intial shock, I hope she will still be happy that the possiblity is still there! I HAVENT GIVEN UP YET!!! There is a sticky smartie waiting out there for me (FOR EVERY ONE WHO WANTS ONE) and good sticky little smarties come to those who wait!

Sorry this post got abit long

HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL!!!!

Ps. How do I PM you?

 

[Katkin72]

Hi 5Element, glad I can help
I found this forum so supportive when I was going through my mc and D&C. It's so heartbreaking to know how many other ladies have been through this, but also comforting to be able to talk to someone who really understands. A few of my work colleagues knew I was pregnant and I asked them to tell the rest of my team so I wouldn't have to explain why I had been off sick for a month. Everyone was so supportive when I did finally return to work, and the surprising/sad thing was that most of my colleagues had also experienced mcs too so they were able to support me. I only had one colleague who was funny with me but I've tried to put that behind me and move on - I guess not everyone knows what to say in this situation.

I hope your body is able to sort itself out without the need for a D&C. That was my original choice too but after 1 1/2 weeks of spotting I couldn't take it any more and just wanted it to be over I know everyone feels different, but in the end it was the right choice for me.
What alternative remedies do you take? I have just started going to a fertility reflexologist - she is fantastic and has very good results. FX it will help me to conceive again soon. Having got a BFN today I could do with something to cheer me up!

Hope you have a good time with your mum. I'm sure she will be very supportive. My mum has been fantastic through all of this. Does she live a long way away from you?

To PM someone, if you click on their name (in purple) to the left of the text box it will take you to their profile. You can then choose to send a private message or a public one I'll send you a friend request as you may also be able to get to my profile that way.

Love & hugs xxx

Actually just checked - if you click on my name it will give you the option to pm me

 

[JJ Mum]

I'm so sorry you had a MC hun X

Posting in here really helped me, like a daily theraphy! And I was already addicted to my daily session on PF in the evenings when preg, I felt like there was a big hole not being on here, so I carried on posting , chatting and it helped me soo much...

I had a D&C and it was fine. I was waiting nearly a week after my scan and found that baby had gone. I was 11 plus 5 days when I had my D&C. Don't worry if you need one it's really just another minor op and I felt nothing afterwards, just tired as I actually started miscarrying the night before and lost too much blood and ended up in a&e having blood transfusions etc , so the D&C was nothing. The bonus was I felt out of limbo finally and could try to come to terms with things, hope yours progresses for you and you don't need any intervention XX