kra0
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Can't believe how quick it's come round but on Sunday, 16th September it will be exactly one year since my medical management due to a missed miscarriage 
I still remember the whole week before as clear as anything and that day and night. The hurt and pain won't ever go away no matter how time has went on. We weren't planning for me to get pregnant then but it's amazing how quickly you come round to the idea and how excited you get. I had just turned 6 weeks pregnant and found some brown spotting when I wiped. I'd also had a total loss of symptoms and felt so energetic. Everyone, family, friends, and lovely ladies on here tried to reassure me it was nothing and everything was ok but deep down I just knew cos I felt so empty.
I had to wait a few days for a scan and when we went for it I seen an empty sac right away. They tried to tell me my dates could be wrong although did mention the possibility of a mmc but I was sure of the dates anyway. So I was booked in again for the end of the following week where they did an internal scan. That morning however the cramps had started as had pink spotting. The sac had grown and this time they could see the tiniest fetal pole which couldn't have been anymore than 6 weeks - round the time I started to feel empty and have the loss of symptoms and spotting our little baby had stopped growing.
There was no doubt about it then so I took the medication to bring on my miscarriage as my body had tried its best to hold on to the pregnancy. Within a few hours I started to get the worst pains I've felt in my life and from that afternoon through to the next day I lost an unbelievable amount of blood and was in so much pain. Me and oh just sat in silence and didn't really talk a lot for a few days especially not about the loss as we were so upset but despite that he was so lovely and kind to me still without talking. We didnt open up to each other until a week or two after but I took the loss so badly and my mood was definitely effected and I just wasn't the same for a few months.
We agreed that in a year or two once we were settled financially we would ttc properly. My period came back at the end of October, then again in november and december but my cycles were now 26 days long instead of the usual 28. Then a few days before my period was due in January I started pink spotting with bad cramps and had two thoughts, either my cycles were now seriously out of sync or I am having a chemical pregnancy. So I took test after test and the positive lines kept getting stronger and digis increasing from 1-2 to 2-3. I was booked in for a scan at 7 weeks, not much different from how far on I was when I had a scan which showed the empty sac and we held our breaths for more of the same this time. Except this time the sonographer smiled and pointed out a sac with a growing baby and beating heart. I was convinced I'd never see it ever, as I'm sure many ladies who have suffered a loss could understand and agree with. I just sat crying my eyes out in disbelief (and shock) and oh couldn't even look at the screen! My due date is Tuesday, 18th September nearly a year to the day we lost our first baby together and I'm sure the baby we lost has been looking down over their little sister, making sure she's grown healthy inside me and will continue to do so as she grows older. I've wrote this in here both to help me cope with the anniversary of the loss and to help ladies who may be going through a loss themselves.
For any ladies who have suffered a loss and are reading this and want to ask me any questions feel free, and I hope my story has given you hope for the future xxxx
I still remember the whole week before as clear as anything and that day and night. The hurt and pain won't ever go away no matter how time has went on. We weren't planning for me to get pregnant then but it's amazing how quickly you come round to the idea and how excited you get. I had just turned 6 weeks pregnant and found some brown spotting when I wiped. I'd also had a total loss of symptoms and felt so energetic. Everyone, family, friends, and lovely ladies on here tried to reassure me it was nothing and everything was ok but deep down I just knew cos I felt so empty.
I had to wait a few days for a scan and when we went for it I seen an empty sac right away. They tried to tell me my dates could be wrong although did mention the possibility of a mmc but I was sure of the dates anyway. So I was booked in again for the end of the following week where they did an internal scan. That morning however the cramps had started as had pink spotting. The sac had grown and this time they could see the tiniest fetal pole which couldn't have been anymore than 6 weeks - round the time I started to feel empty and have the loss of symptoms and spotting our little baby had stopped growing.
There was no doubt about it then so I took the medication to bring on my miscarriage as my body had tried its best to hold on to the pregnancy. Within a few hours I started to get the worst pains I've felt in my life and from that afternoon through to the next day I lost an unbelievable amount of blood and was in so much pain. Me and oh just sat in silence and didn't really talk a lot for a few days especially not about the loss as we were so upset but despite that he was so lovely and kind to me still without talking. We didnt open up to each other until a week or two after but I took the loss so badly and my mood was definitely effected and I just wasn't the same for a few months.
We agreed that in a year or two once we were settled financially we would ttc properly. My period came back at the end of October, then again in november and december but my cycles were now 26 days long instead of the usual 28. Then a few days before my period was due in January I started pink spotting with bad cramps and had two thoughts, either my cycles were now seriously out of sync or I am having a chemical pregnancy. So I took test after test and the positive lines kept getting stronger and digis increasing from 1-2 to 2-3. I was booked in for a scan at 7 weeks, not much different from how far on I was when I had a scan which showed the empty sac and we held our breaths for more of the same this time. Except this time the sonographer smiled and pointed out a sac with a growing baby and beating heart. I was convinced I'd never see it ever, as I'm sure many ladies who have suffered a loss could understand and agree with. I just sat crying my eyes out in disbelief (and shock) and oh couldn't even look at the screen! My due date is Tuesday, 18th September nearly a year to the day we lost our first baby together and I'm sure the baby we lost has been looking down over their little sister, making sure she's grown healthy inside me and will continue to do so as she grows older. I've wrote this in here both to help me cope with the anniversary of the loss and to help ladies who may be going through a loss themselves.
For any ladies who have suffered a loss and are reading this and want to ask me any questions feel free, and I hope my story has given you hope for the future xxxx
thinking of you rip little one xxx
how lovely sweety 
