Remembering Baby

[DaisyRose]

I'm new and was deeply moved to read some of your stories - I wish everyone the very very best of luck.

I was absolutely distraugh after my m/c, and the 'never mind, you've already got two lovely girls' line didn't make me feel any better. Tried talking to rellies and friends but most of them seemed to say, in not so many words, that I should 'just get on with it' because afterall, it was only very early.

Anyway, what I wanted to say is that I found doing something positive to celebrate Babaloon's very short existence really helped. I have kept the pg test in a box with a letter, and I went out and bought a yucca plant and a lovely pot to mark my littleone. The plant lives in the corner of our living room so that it can grow with us; occasionally I even talk to it when no one is around (ha ha). It may sound really crazy but when the girls had gone to bed my bf and I also had a bottle of bubbly to complete the occasion. My baby was conceived on or around 25 June 07, I will always remember this date in years to come.

It sounds really mad but I really think this is what has kept me going and although it is a very private matter, I do want to share it with you girls! I have come to realise how grossly underestimated the impact of miscarriage often is.

Stay strong & positive

 

[Rosebay]

Thanks so much for sharing that, I think it's a lovely way to remember your baby. I had another look at my pg tests yesterday and actually there is a faint line there that I guess won't now fade so I have that and I think I will keep it. The due date would have been around St George's Day next April too so I think I'm privately going to keep that as a special day to think of lost potential and somebody who never was here. You're right, I don't think that we generally really understand the impact it has on women. I am also kind of amazed at how coy the older generation are about it, I feel very glad that I live now and can openly tell people if they need to know and genuinely not be ashamed as I imagine women used to feel. My very lovely boss who is of my mum's generation told me very kindly that I needn't write m/c on the sick leave form as she had checked with hr and I could just put a code for gynae problems. It was sweet of her but I was surprised as it had never occurred to me that I wouldn't want to admit to it because it's just something that happens isn't it? I don't know, it just seems to me that there's a lot of stuff surrounding it and not surrounding it that I don't really understand.

Thanks again and sorry to hear of your loss too
+++

 

[Steelgoddess]

Hi and welcome to the forum

I don;t think thats a very nice thing to say either tbh. it doesn't matter if you have no kids or quite a few it still hurts.

I do blieve when ppl say stuff like that you should say something I know its hard but maybe it would help them to have a bit of an understanding of what your going through....

I think what you have done is a lovely idea and glad it has helped remember you little one...

I love the names of your little girls by btw so sweet

x

 

[DaisyRose]

Thanks very much for your replies. I think keeping the pregnancy tests is a good idea, particularly if it is one of those where you can still read the positive result in the future. I remember reading, when I was really grief-stricken, that keeping little momentos is a really positive thing to do; it really helps with the grieving process. I think it's also important to talk about it (only to a sympathetic ear though).

Yeah, I agree, the older generation do tend to think it's something that should never be talked about. Apparently my Grandma had a stillbirth at 7mths which must have been horrendous though my Mum was never told that she had a brother until I was having Daisy!!! (Mum knew from a close family friend but apparently it was never ever talked about). My Grandma had several nervous breakdowns following, and although she was a lovely person she was very bitter and had an aversion to my brother!

Family and friends can be very insensitive and maybe it would be better if we let them know!! I guess, in their own way, they are just trying to make us feel better but they can't fix things so really it's just great if they'll listen.

Thanks, I never imagined having girls with such flowery names (I was a right tomboy) and if I did ever have another girl we'd probably call her Poppy or Lily.

Best Wishes