Relationship advice..

[pringle88]

I know this isnt the right place to post but its busier in here..

Me and Ella's dad have decided to give it another go, we are taking it really slow, nothing relationshippy is happening yet until I feel ready to let him back in my bed but he has said to me that he doesnt want to use any contraception from the start he doesnt want to try as such but he doesnt want to prevent...

i am broody im not gonna lie but he thinks a baby will bring us closer together and will help us whereas i think if a baby is planned it should be because we are stable and in love - what do you guys think?


i think he feels guilty because he wasnt around the whole time i was pregnant and he hasnt been there for Ella..

 

[Princess81]

Ooooh I think that's rocky ground tbh. He needs to prove his commitment first, let you know he can be a good dad from the off and a supportive and loyal partner. He's not exactly given you much faith in him first time round

 

[Kayelle]

Sorry but I think its always a bad idea to bring a baby into it hoping it will save a relationship. I would defo use contraception until you are stable in a relationship and happy x

 

[Jaxx01]

Umm see I would feel a bit funny bout this if it was me if he hasn't/wasn't there for you with Ella what makes him think that he can do next time? The thing is worry about and I know it's harsh is you got to think if the same happens then you're left with not just one but two young babies

xxx

 

[pringle88]

I think the same, he just doesnt get it, he expects me to believe that "its different this time" until he gets even more pissed off when we have 2 babies crying and pooing and he decides to do one and leave me on my own!

 

[pringle88]

but i said i didnt think it was a great idea and to just take it steady and see what happens and he got defensive saying that im obv not committed to him! :S

 

[Princess81]

Yeh I really would make him prove himself!

 

[AugustMum]

I have to agree with Princess...very dodgy ground there. I think it's best to build the strong relationship first before starting the difficult journey of pregnancy and the new born days. Me and my OH have been taking things slow after a very rocky pregnancy and the first year. We don't live together but he occassionally stays over. After 6 months or so we're now discussing moving in and we both know that it will be another year or more before we consider another child.

Obviously go with what you feel comfortable with but I would proceed with caution if it were me. Fantastic that you're giving it another go though

 

[pringle88]

I have to agree with Princess...very dodgy ground there. I think it's best to build the strong relationship first before starting the difficult journey of pregnancy and the new born days. Me and my OH have been taking things slow after a very rocky pregnancy and the first year. We don't live together but he occassionally stays over. After 6 months or so we're now discussing moving in and we both know that it will be another year or more before we consider another child.

Obviously go with what you feel comfortable with but I would proceed with caution if it were me. Fantastic that you're giving it another go though

i think this set up would be so much better, i let him move back in but he acts as if he is my lodger, we lead completely seperate lives and he is in a seperate bedroom, he just comes and goes as he pleases, never gets up in the night with ella etc im not sure how different it would be if we shared a room but i think it would help us both if he were to move out, i think he takes it for granted that he lives with me and ella so doesnt have to make any effort whereas if he didnt live here he would have to purposely come out of his way to see us! i dont think that suggesting he moved out would go down too well though!!

 

[TORino]

Sorry sweetie but a baby isn't a plaster.

It's a big thing to drive a wedge between a couple not bring them together.

Can't you see how it goes for a while first?

 

[pringle88]

Sorry sweetie but a baby isn't a plaster.

It's a big thing to drive a wedge between a couple not bring them together.

Can't you see how it goes for a while first?

I completely agree with you, it's just making him see sense I guess.

 

[Olive]

Agree with Torino. Can def make things great but also very testing! Xx


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[TORino]

I hope you can sweetheart.

Taking it nice and slow will give you chance to rekindle the relationship and remember why you fell in love in the first place

 

[Elliellie]

It's nice you're giving it another try, but don't have a baby! We've definitely found that having a baby puts more of a strain on our relationship. Just take it slowly & have fun x

 

[Sarah13]

I agree with the others, leave a baby for a while until he proves himself. Even if you were a happy couple in a long relationship having another so soon would be really stressful and hard. Tell him you also want to enjoy Ella on her own for a year or so and want a bit bigger age gap, 2-3 years between siblings is very common and normal plus he can concentrate on being a good daddy and enjoying her for now without a newborn taking over x

 

[Lulabell]

He def needs to prove his commitment to you and Ella first before bringing in another child to the mix. Prove himself to be a good dad with the child you already have. Good to hear you are giving it another go. I wish you the best of luck Hun.

 

[VikkiR]

How old is he? To say you won't commit to him because you won't have another baby is manipulative and churlish. If past behaviour is a predictor of future behaviour I would definately put another baby right at the bottom of this relationship list. Maybe I am doing him a disservice and he feels this is the only way he can make it up to you, but to have a baby to try a heal a rift in a relationship is disastrous. I was such a child and my parents were at each others throats most of their married life before they separated. I am fast learning that a baby rocks even the most solid of relationships. If he can't be a good father to your current child, and a supportive, loving partner to you now? good luck hun x