Really need to vent!!!

[Dani2810]

Where do I start...well I left my OH at 27 wks due to a huge row he took my car keys & left me outside the laundrette from 6.30pm at 10.15pm he arrived back pretending he was bringing me the baby stuff - he wanted me to pick between my things & the babies things he then caused a holy show in the middle of the street splitting open my laundry bag so all my clean underwear etc fell all over the floor a passer by called the police as he thought I had been assaulted. Police turned up & arrested OH threw him in a cell for the night & took me to hospital to get checked over.
I then ended up stayin with various friends he then decided to follow me a few days later from my fitness class I was teaching to the tube station & tried to fight with me he followed me on the tube trying to scare & intimidate me he now wanted the car back I agreed and he left me in the end.
I gave him the car back but he still didn't give me my belongings from the flat & I then left London as I thought that was the "safer" option.
As much as the policed wanted me to press charges & take out an injunction I refused as I did love him & he is my unborn babies father.

I asked him for my stuff back on numerous occasions & he would just try & argue & tell me I told the police he hit me which I never!
Wks later He then told me to get my stuff so my uncle agreed he would pick it up off him which he agreed but then laid the law down my uncle must pick my stuff up by 4pm the following day or it was going on the street he then phoned & threatend both me & my uncle & family.

Still no stuff so I wrote him a Letter asking nicely for my stuff I also sent his mum a duplicate copy so he couldn't make me out to be a liar & also sent her 1 telling her when I was due etc & didn't want her stuck in the middle of this feud. - no reply
I then eventually got a call from him he said he would send me my stuff what did I want I again explained everything I stated in the letter I basically want everything that belongs to me still I have received nothing.
To top it off his mobile phone contract is in my name & I was kindly letting him keep it hoping I would get my stuff I then got hit with the bill last month £246 I almost chocked luckily I had £190 of his which I used but still I can't afford to pay his bills, I then checked the usage today as new bill is due this wk the man told me it was gonna be round £270 is he taking the piss or what!!!???

I decided to txt him another msg asking for my things & explaining how much his phone bills were & it's unfair as all my money is for the baby- I had no response
He then had the cheek to phone my mum & tell her "tell your daughter I don't have her stuff I'm changing my number & stop contacting me" WTF

I'm at my wits end he has my passport, paperwork, laptop, clothes, maternity notes jewellry you name it.

Just don't know what to do part of me thinks send the police round but he can still say to them he hasn't got it why happens then...?
I'm scared to answer the landline I get jumpy everytime it rings & my mobile is constantly on divert so I don't have to answer anyone I'm so fed up

 

[Sarah13]

Oh you poor thing, I really feel for you. What a total arse, he's obviously deliberately doing this and really doesn't seem to care that when he stresses you out he's also stressing his unborn child too. I'm really not sure how you can get your stuff back but have you tried going through a solicitor? He shouldn't keep the things of yours he has as there is important stuff there. You might need to go down this route anyway to sort access for baby. Cut the phone off now as he's taking the piss and he's doesn't seem to want to give you your stuff back. Maybe call him yourself once more as a last chance for him to be reasonable or go through his mum if she's ok and have someone with you when you do this incase he gets nasty again. The other option is cut your losses with your stuff but depends how important the things are to you, passports, laptop and maternity notes can be replaced but if there is sentimental stuff that's much harder, at least you can stop stressing then and get on with preparing for baby. I did this when I left my daughters father, I left with nothing and started again, including stuff for my daughter but when he realized I didn't care about my stuff I just wanted him out of my life he did give in and gave me it all a while later in massive boxes!

 

[BabyBrain]

Sorry to jump in to tri 3...I have a long way to go yet lol but seriously you need good legal advice. The police can help you get back your stuff, I am virtually guaranteeing he still has it cos he sounds like he is enjoying controlling you with it and to get rid of it takes his control away. Have a chat to a domestic violence helpline, even if he never touched you controlling behaviour and emotional abuse is just as bad especially when you are pregnant. They can give you good advice. The police will get your stuff, you probably won't even have to go with them if you have a family member who knows what they are looking for. Ask the police if it can be done without him knowing too far in advance so he can't do anything to it.
I know its hard sweetheart but seeing this I think you are lucky to have gotten out when you can. Good for you for making a stand and I wish you all the luck in the world xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[LucyAnn]

awwww what a tw@t!!! i would defo get the police involved with your things, even if he says he aint got them surely they can enter the premisis anyway!? and see a solicitor or citizens advice bureau to get in place any access righte etc just so you know where he stands and if he wants to be involved by how much? cant believe his mom either thats not good!
cant believe his mobile bill! thats nearly as much as my mortgage!! anything you can do on that even if you cancel it there will be a charge but weigh up if its less than 200 odd quid each month it would be best to pay that company direct rather than fund his habbit!

Just stay strong you sound like you have alot of support and us on here xxxxx

 

[Dani2810]

Thanks guys made me smile reading your posts it's nice to know people care...I've got a great support network but I hate tellin my mum too much coz she gets so stressed out she hates him!
My younger sister has been living in Mallorca for the last 6 months & come home to suprise me for a few days which has cheered me up a bit.

I suppose It's only material stuff but just makes me mad somebody especially somebody you loved things they can controll you with this stuff

He even said to me part of me doesn't want to give you your stuff coz then u have to struggle & start again with nothing - how evil can somebody be

I am a strong believer in karma he's the one that's going to miss out - I'm not going to allow him to see the baby especially on his own as he ha already threatened to snatch him from me!

Sarah13 - glad to here u eventually got your stuff back these Men are "tw@ts" when your a genuinely nice person people want to take advantage of your nature...they also believe u can't live without them etc truth of the matter is it gives u more determination & we can certainly do better!

Xx

 

[LucyAnn]

Hi again oh thats nice of your sis .

Yeah I dont tell my mom much either as my parents are late 60's and sometimes you just tgink they dont deserve the added stress.

He must be hurting so so much he has lost everything thru being a tw@t and he has to live with that forever and trust me one day whether thats in a few months or a few years it will eat him away and u will be settled with ur baba and hopefully in a lovely relationship u will av movsd on. Just a shame that the material items he has u really do need if it was just make up and clothes yoy could have just written that off. Its just a shame he is trying to hurt u still xxx

 

[DW1978]

I would definitely get the police involved with your stuff, I'm sure they can get it back for you. I would also go and see a domestic abuse group or CAB to see where you stand with everything. And CUT OFF THAT PHONE!! He's probably doing it on purpose now, running up a m,assive bill knowing that it's you that going to have to pay it. I would also take legal advice as to the threats hes made regarding snatching your lo as that would scare me the most, at least it would go on his record and may sway how his visitation rights may be viewed in the future.

Good luck hun xxx

 

[Ems]

I agree with all comments here. You must get the police involved. You are such in a vulunrable state right now and you really need the support of authorities.
He's a crazy man and has no respect for you.
My mother was stuck in a terribel relationship with her ex husband for 18 years and only 1 year ago did she manage to break free. I pleeded with her to get out of his life and I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel with a match greener patch of field. This guy may have been the love of your life but from the way it sounds he doesn't care about your un born baby. You are in risk of all sorts of things at this stage in pregnancy if you keep being treated like dirt.
Its such a scary feeling the thought of doing this alone at the begining but when that little baby is in your arms looking at you that "pig" won't me a thing to you. Get yourself away from him, get the police behind you and for goodness sake keep yourself and your baby safe.
I hate to hear things like this and believe you me, I know how horrible men can be. Thoughts are with you hun . xxxx

 

[Geminiblue]

get free advice from Citizens advice xxx

 

[Sarah13]

Your def right with what goes around comes around, one day he will get what he deserves they always do! It's def a control thing for him, the more you let him think you don't care the less control he has and will eventually give up and prob move onto some poor other girl.

 

[meggymum]

oh hun im so sorry to here about your bad experience. please get some advice and make sure you dont go back there, you have a baby to look after, so you need minimal stress.

good luck and hang in there xx

 

[Dani2810]

Thanks everyone means alot to read your kind messages...I've had the phone barred so he cant use it, also gonna ring the police to update them on the situation but right the stuff off & start again as frustrating it is I think If he thinks I don't care then he can't control me with thinking he's won with keeping my things he's a bloody moron. Decided to change my surname to my mums maiden name so new passport driving license etc fresh start with my new baby. He'll be sorry when he comes to his senses he has a beautiful son out there he cant even see because of his irrational behaviour. Xx