Problem with SIL

[Small Flower]

Hey all,

I'll try to keep this brief - but just wanted your opinion on this.

Yesterday we were at FIL house and SIL was there with her 3 kids. Anyway, she totally ignored me, and did not ask once about baby or pregnancy. I thought this was very odd as she had been fine at other meetings. Anyway, I mentioned this to OH, when we nipped out to the shops and he said he had noticed it too and was a bit miffed.

When we got back, I was helping FIL with tea and he had a word with his sister. She basically ended up slagging me off to him, saying she wasn't excited about the baby and that she things our rellie is fake and that I'm not good enough for him! She went onto say lots of other things like I'm too strict with OH kids (my step kids - when I hadn't even told them off once that day) and said she felt sorry for the new baby. They had this discussion back and forth, to which my OH got so wound up, he decided to leave so he could cool down. So he told me and step kids to get our bags and get in the car as we were leaving. He obv. then told me what had happened.

Now I am flabbergasted - I thought we were friends and am very annoyed that she has said this - when I'm 8 mths preggos, so obv I got very upset about this when OH relayed the convo. I'm upset that she couldn't of told me all of this to my face ages ago, and that she doens't care about her nephew (my baby - her brothers baby).

I'm thinking she is either jealous or having some kind of mid life crisis - but the more I think about it the more I think she is completely out of order!

Yesterday I was thinking I'd write her a letter, saying that if she had a problem she should of come to me and said it to my face rather than falling out with her brother. And also explaining all the points - that she doesn't know the in's and outs of our rellie (another random thing she said is that she couldn't understand why me and my friends fav bar in our town is a gay club - she is about 10 years older than us so there's an obv. age gap/culture difference - not that where I go to have fun is relevant!), and to tell her how upset I feel.

Today tho I'm really annoyed - all evening yesterday when we got back I was very tearful and had horrid thoughts going round my head - like maybe OH feels this way too, as I had no idea SIL felt this way about me - anyway I know its all hormones and my thinking is rubbish - but its just playing on my mind and making me sad. So I'm thinking she can go screw herself and I'm never talking to her again!

What are your thoughts and do you think I should take any steps to sort this out?

 

[bowmanzoo]

sounds like she's got a serious problem. Is there a chance that perhaps she's been pregnant recently and lost the baby? In your position yes I think i'd want to have words with her and find out what her issue is but being the sensible person on the outside I would say leave it until after the baby is born because you don't want to stress yourself out. I'm a hothead so if i've got a problem I let people know about it.

 

[Mildly]

How rude

I think the next time you see her, I would ask for a private word and let her know that you are disappointed that she couldn't have come to you if she had a problem with you. Then I would leave it be. Talk to her politely if she speaks to you but I wouldn't make any effort to be friendly unless she apologises or talks things through with you.

 

[Small Flower]

Aww thanks girlies!

Another thing she said which I've left out is that she and OH don't really get on with their mother - she hasn't spoken to her mother for about 4 years when they had a big bust up.

I really don't get on with MIL either - various reasons but she is just so incredibly rude and disprespectful! So when SIL asked ages ago how her stay went (the last time she stayed) OH and I were honest and said it was a bit of a nightmare and I said she really wound me up and I really can't stand her - at this point SIL was too slagging her off completely. Now maybe I shouldn't of slagged her off but I was just being honest.

Bearing in mind SIL still doesn't talk to her mother - this is apparently another reason why she doesn't like me! But I can't understand why suddenly in the last few meetings she's been frosty with me - when she is the first to slag her mother off.

Of course I'm willing to apologise for telling her my honest feelings about MIL - but I still think all the other things she said is out of order and also being mean about her brothers new baby. And thus now causing a rift between her and her brother.

Oh and another thing, she then started questioning our baby's name saying why don't we have a nice normal name (meaning his middle name) and that he'll get picked on at school - how fecking rude!!! I didn't really hear her say that - but I can tell you I'd be bloody gobsmacked by that rude comment!

 

[dannii87]

OMG what a cow!! That would wind me up so much, it definitely sounds like she's jealous!

She really needs to grow up as the children will soon start to pick up on the way she's acting towards you and that's not healthy on anyone.

Regardless of what (and why) she thinks the way she does about you (which sounds to me completely unjustified), she has a friggin' nephew on the way!! A poor, innocent baby who is related to her! She is so immature and really needs to sort it out.

If your OH noticed too, then surely your FIL did?

I just can't stand it when people are so unpredictable, if you just didn't get on for whatever reason but were civil, fair enough, but to go from using you for a bitch about her Mother to all of a sudden being so frosty, that's just uncalled for!

Poor you xxx