Previous Preterm Delivery...

[Newmummy062014]

Hi ladies,
I'm not sure if I am in the right place but here goes!


I am currently 15+4 weeks pregnant for the 2nd time. In my last pregnancy I went into labour at 24 weeks and sadly my baby died a few hours after birth from extreme prematurity.


Although I am so excited to be pregnant again I am obviously fairly nervous about the whole thing.


My husband and I were sat with his parents the other day when his Dad brought up the topic of labour and pain relief (as he did last time I was pregnant- I don’t know if anyone agrees but personally I get really annoyed when men try to tell women about labour and pain relief- no vagina NO OPINION)


He was going on about how I should definitely have an epidural to deal with the unbearable agony and how my husband should stay at the other end of the bed near my feet otherwise I would be beating him and scratching him and all sorts, how my husband’s mum was in labour for a billion hours and all other horrendous details.


Anyway, I calmly pointed out that I did in fact have an idea on what labour was like, seeing as, although he was extremely premature, I did give birth to my son... The reaction I received shocked me silly! The whole room went completely silent, they both stared at me with mouths gaping open, eyes popping as if i had gone completely insane or just announced I had murdered someone. At first I wanted the ground to swallow me whole- how stupid of me to think that my preterm birth was in anyway close to a full term delivery!


Then I remembered that my midwife told me there wasn’t that much in it, that with a full term delivery my contractions would probably be stronger to push the larger baby out, but in every other sense I had still experienced 21 hours of labour, still had painful contractions and still pushed a baby out of me...


Now I'm worried that my midwife was trying to placate me. That this time if i go full term I’ll be writhing around in a world of intense uncontrollable pain. I’ll be screaming for someone to kill me rather than continue one more second alive (this is the picture I have been frequently painted by my in-laws anyway)


So, I was wondering, are they any mums out there who have had a preterm delivery and a full term delivery and are willing to share the differences? I know that all births are completely different regardless, but if I could get some advice from someone who has been in a similar situation that would help me greatly. This has left me feeling a little flat, like people think my little boys birth didn’t count, when in my eyes it definitely did.

Thank you

 

[nicejuicypear]

I have no advice regarding the birth, but just wanted to say your in laws sound like utter bleeps. I would ignore everything they have to say on the matter, as they appear to be completely uninformed and ignorant not to mention insensitive.

I wish you well with the rest of your pregnancy and I'm sure your next labour will be manageable. You know what to expect now and it can't be that bad - many women choose to have more than one baby so it must be bearable!

 

[Loula]

Sorry for your loss and congrats on your pregnancy.
No experience im afraid but ive been told on many occasions that the smaller the baby the harder it is to deliver.
As for pain relief just go with it its completely up to you and your pain threshhold.
You are well in your rights to discuss your previous births and you shouldnt be treated any diffferent. Xx

 

[megsmeadow]

Hiya, sorry for your loss, and congratulations on your pregnancy! I have a little boy who was induced and delivered vaginally as he was overdue. I've just had a little girl at 20+3 again induced in a similar way. I didn't feel I coped very well in my first labour but in the end had gas and air, and diamorphine to deliver. With our little girl I took a lot of strength and learned a lot from my son's delivery about breathing properly and staying active. I'd say the first was definitely more intense and prolonged but it was also my first experience of labour. The second time I felt like I had an inner strength, wanting to cope and have a dignified delivery which I feel I did.
Afterwards, well my son I had an episiotomy and couldn't feel them stitching me at all. With my daughter her placenta didn't come out and I was very keen not to go to theatre so I ended up with the doctor literally scraping the placenta and clots out with his hands, whilst I was on gas and air. It's good stuff but that procedure was nippy.
I'd say at 24 weeks you've done it! No two labours are the same anyway and I bet you get a lot of strength from knowing you coped through a heartbreaking delivery. Don't let anyone minimise the enormity of what your body has already gone through. Did they get to meet your little one? My family hadn't appreciated how developed my little one was at that gestation, I know 24 is even different though. xx

 

[Newmummy062014]

Thank you all for your responses and kind words, this has made me a lot better!
Megsmeadow- no they didn't meet him. Me and my hubbie decided that we wanted to be the only ones who saw the baby, we were the only ones to know him alive so wanted to keep him our memory. We haven't shared pictures with anyone else. Maybe this is why, they just don't realise how much of a "baby" the baby is by that stage. I'm sorry for the loss of your little girl and hope you are coping well.
Xx

 

[Newmummy062014]

*feel

 

[megsmeadow]

I absolutely respect your decision to keep your baby private, I'm not sure how many people I'll share Oirrinn's pictures with when we get them back.

You're stronger than you know and they could ever imagine! x

 

[megsmeadow]

And thank you, I think I'm coping. I've got great support but its hard. x

 

[Earth Mummy]

Hi there x I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious baby - huge congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope you can enjoy it x
My first son was born at 32 weeks - 3 hour labour absolutely pain free, 4lb 13oz, My second son was born at 38 weeks, my waters went but nothing happened so I was induced with syntocinon (much to jy annoyance) - 2 hour labour, intense due to induction but. totally pain free, again, 6lb 13oz. Mind set plays a huge role in our perception of pain - you stick to your intuition and self belief and you will birth your baby with control and strength, Fear increases perception of pain so self belief and positive thinking will really support a positive birth experience x

 

[Louandtwins]

I am so sorry to hear about your son and not surprised you're nervous this time.

I had my daughter at 33 weeks and had an agonising 7 her labour although the pushing stage lasted only 35 mins.

I had my son full term and the labour was less painful but the birthing of the head was a little harder because it got stuck on the lip of my cervix.

My midwife said that a prem labour can be harder than full term because there's less for the body to grip on to and push out. I'd agree from my experience, apart from the final part.

Either way, you sound like a very strong lady and I'm sure you'll be fine. To hell with their inexperienced opinions!!!

Good luck, sure you'll be just great xx