Pointless Worrying

[Becky]

Why is it that when something is out of our control we worry about it all the more? No matter how many people tell you there's no point in worrying about something that you can't change it just makes you worry more but feel worse about it.

I'll explain!

I'm back from seeing the midwife today and I guess it's just illustrated how out of my control the birth of this baby is going to be.

I had an emergency section with DD and due to that I'm seeing the consultant next week to "discuss options". I would love to have a natural birth which I know is perfectly reasonable and attainable. However I'm also nervous about if I do start naturally that I'll end up needing another emergency section. My birth experience with DD was lovely (considering the emergency bit) and my recovery was fine so it's not that that bothers me. I don't know why I'm like this - I hardly had any worries last time but now I'm worrying about the significance of everything - i.e. this baby is breach atm (I know it will prob change as DD did) this baby is growing reasonably bigger than DD (6lb 14oz) and I think to myself that if I couldn't manage a 6lb 14 baby how do I stand a chance with a possibly 8lb one?

I know that all this is irrelevant at the moment, especially as until I see the consultant on Monday there's nothing to be gained by worrying but I can't stop it.

Half of me wants a natural birth, half is thinking I might be just as well to have an elective section. Then I think it's a cop out to go for a section. I felt so much guilt after having DD and I guess I just want to have a chance to "do it properly" this time.

I don't even know what the point of this post is, I don't think I'm making much sense! I'm going to drive myself round the bend if I'm not careful!

Anyone else feeling a tad unhinged? LOL

 

[nori]

I think you hit the nail on the head there.. its out of your control and thats the bit that scares you causing you to worry?

I actually had counselling last year for being exactly the same with my crohns. After a serious flare, I spent so much of my life worrying about the "what ifs" and i couldnt carry on like that anymore. What i established is that its very hard to train yourself to think differently.

My counseller used to make me write down my fears and rate it out of 10. I then had to write immediate negative thought and turn it into an alternative positive thought and then re-reate my emotion. It all sounds like a load of rubbish writing this down but it did help a fair bit. I also used deep relaxation.

All i can say is that i keep telling myself that whatever is going to happen is going to happen and there is no point wasting your time worring.

This post probably hasnt helped much.. im sure someone can give you some good advice!

Claire x

 

[ninjawomble]

Its the not knowing that worries me

I wish I could see into the future then I could relax

 

[lea m]

You sound just like me last week! I was getting so stressed about the birth and I have no idea why? I was worrying about needing the use of forceps and then an emergency section so was half going to try and ask for an elective section just so I didnt have to worry about what "could" go wrong! I was scared of them using the stirrups with the SPD and all sorts! Luckily now I have chilled and Im back to what will be will be! Just hope I stay ok till shes born! Cant handle another stress out like that!!

 

[Becky]

OMG thank you Lea! That's exactly what I'm like, I'm so glad it's not just me!! Up till now I've been fine but to suddenly have a stress about all the "maybes" was a surprise!

Hopefully I'll calm down soon and then I can look forward to the baby coming instead of stressing about pointless stuff!

 

[charlotte_]

You sound just like me last week! I was getting so stressed about the birth and I have no idea why?

i guess that's proof it doesn't get any less stressful the more babies you have! haha.

 

[lea m]

Your welcome Becky and Im sure you will do the same as me and be ok again soon!
And Yes Charlotte, lol, Im worse this time than I ever was with the others hahaha

 

[Becky]

Thanks to you all, I've re-read my post and all your replies. It's definitely the fact that it's out of my control that had me in a spin. And I think the fact that I'm not blissfully ignorant as I was with DD, a bit of knowledge doesn't help to do much except helping your imagination to go wild!

I'm definitely trying what nori says and just keep telling myself that I'm not helping by worrying and just trying to put it to the back of my mind for now. I think once I've seen the consultant I'll feel a bit better cos I'll know my options a bit more.

Thanks again!

 

[Fly]

becky i was really scared for a long long time that i'd need to have another emergency section and went through a phase very similar to you of thinking "oh perhaps i should just go for an elective" as you say its the not knowing what's going to happen that is most frightening...but i've got an amazing team of midwives behind me who have totally and utterly set my mind at rest and i've done a lot of work on my head to get to a point of acceptance bout it all - the book "birthing from within" was a great help from that point of view. think its totally normal and natural for you to be worrying about all the ifs buts and maybes hun be kind to yourself and hope you have a positive meeting with the consultant xxxx