Passing on genetic problems...

[cheryl]

Hi all

Just want to get something off my chest, hope you dont mind!

My oh has glaucoma, hes had it from birth. It doesnt affect his life too much, i mean there are a few things he cant do but he still has a good and full life. His eyesight is pretty bad so he cant drive, there are a few jobs he cant do and he has to have operations and eye drops and stuff. We've been told theres a 50% chance he'll pass it on to our children. This affected him pretty badly a while ago, and he wasnt sure he wanted to have kids at all as he would feel guilty if they had glaucoma. He was just about to go in for a big op tho so i think he was a bit scared. Obviously we're TTC now so i think he must feel a little better about it, and he hasnt mentioned it since. The dr's have said they will be looking out for it when we do have children, so they will be able to limit any damage asap, but the worst case scenario is that they could be born blind if the damage starts early on. To have it that bad is pretty rare but theres still a small chance.

Are we being selfish to want kids knowing there is a pretty high chance they could have glaucoma? Will they blame us? I know theres a lot worse things people live with and still have great lives but now we're ttc ive been worrying about it more

Sorry for the long post

 

[mrsT]

It's a difficult one.

TBH - I've always been of the 'natural selection' group, where people with genetic disbilities shouldn't have children and then we would pretty much eradicate these things.
However, now that I have a daughter and am trying for number 2 I can try and imagine if I had such a condition, or DH did and how I would feel not having children.

I don't have an answer for you, hope you feel better getting it off your chest.

EDIT
**just to clear this up - I am NOT being a cow, I am just saying how I used to feel and that now I have a child I cannot imagine thinking like that anymore...**

 

[tots hope]

My mum has a genetic problem with her hearing and she was told that it was garanteed we would all have it. 4 childen on and none of us have any signs of it. We have to have our hearing tested every 3 years but none of us have any signs so far. I also have a heart condition that they said it was genetic but following further test neither of my parents have it and ther is no history of the condition in the family.

Im not so sure about glaucoma but trying talking to the GP about it. As for children blaming parents i dont think that is really an isue. If i had the same problem as my mum and her hearing i would just take it that it was part of growing up. I previously worked with disabled children and they have never blamed parents about their disability.

Probably best to talk to your GP if you have serious concerns

 

[cheryl]

Thanks for your replies ladies.
Theres no one else in his family with glaucoma, hes the first as far as we know. He has an op coming up next month so maybe i will be able to speak to his doctor then and find out more about it. (this op pretty much stops the glaucoma causing any more damage and hopefully he wont have to take the eye drops or have any more ops or anything again)

I know we would love any children we have the same whether they were perfect, had glaucoma or anything else. But it is difficult to decide if its the right thing to do

 

[happy-chick]

It's a difficult one.

TBH - I've always been of the 'natural selection' group, where people with genetic disbilities shouldn't have children and then we would pretty much eradicate these things.
However, now that I have a daughter and am trying for number 2 I can try and imagine if I had such a condition, or DH did and how I would feel not having children.

I don't have an answer for you, hope you feel better getting it off your chest.

Im sorry MrsT but I gotta disagree with you there hun!

No Cheryl I dont think you are selfish at all hun, a disabled / blind child can still have an excellent quality of life. Its a small chance but theres a chance with every person that gets pregnant that there could be some kind of disorder.

Go for it hun, I know you will love & cherish your child so much & that is good enough for me xxx

 

[Dee1985]

its a difficult sittuation hun

i think it depends on the parents.
and you sound like fab parents so there fore you dont need to feel guilty on the child. you will always be there what ever and love the child what ever so go for it.
can they tell when they scan you if the baby has it?

if it were me i would really sit and think about if i would really cope with the worse. if i felt i could then i would go for it.

 

[mrsT]

It's a difficult one.

TBH - I've always been of the 'natural selection' group, where people with genetic disbilities shouldn't have children and then we would pretty much eradicate these things.
However, now that I have a daughter and am trying for number 2 I can try and imagine if I had such a condition, or DH did and how I would feel not having children.

I don't have an answer for you, hope you feel better getting it off your chest.

Im sorry MrsT but I gotta disagree with you there hun!

No Cheryl I dont think you are selfish at all hun, a disabled / blind child can still have an excellent quality of life. Its a small chance but theres a chance with every person that gets pregnant that there could be some kind of disorder.

Go for it hun, I know you will love & cherish your child so much & that is good enough for me xxx

I'm sorry, what do you disagree with??
I said what I used to feel, and then said that I struggle to feel the same now I have a child...
I did not say she shouldn't have children, I just said I don't know either way....

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

It's a difficult one.

TBH - I've always been of the 'natural selection' group, where people with genetic disbilities shouldn't have children and then we would pretty much eradicate these things.
However, now that I have a daughter and am trying for number 2 I can try and imagine if I had such a condition, or DH did and how I would feel not having children.

I don't have an answer for you, hope you feel better getting it off your chest.

Im sorry MrsT but I gotta disagree with you there hun!

No Cheryl I dont think you are selfish at all hun, a disabled / blind child can still have an excellent quality of life. Its a small chance but theres a chance with every person that gets pregnant that there could be some kind of disorder.

Go for it hun, I know you will love & cherish your child so much & that is good enough for me xxx

I'm sorry, what do you disagree with??
I said what I used to feel, and then said that I struggle to feel the same now I have a child...
I did not say she shouldn't have children, I just said I don't know either way....

It wasnt really that clear what you were saying, but thanks for clearing that up, I guess we can all have warped opinions about certain things until we actually have children and see that life isnt that black and white!


Cheryl, I agree with the others and dont think you should feel guilty in the slightest if you have a child with Glaucoma hun, your OH has a good and full life as you say, and you ovbiously love him very much, and any children you have will be blessed with the same regardless of any genetic conditions.

All the best babe

 

[happy-chick]

It's a difficult one.

TBH - I've always been of the 'natural selection' group, where people with genetic disbilities shouldn't have children and then we would pretty much eradicate these things.
However, now that I have a daughter and am trying for number 2 I can try and imagine if I had such a condition, or DH did and how I would feel not having children.

I don't have an answer for you, hope you feel better getting it off your chest.

Im sorry MrsT but I gotta disagree with you there hun!

No Cheryl I dont think you are selfish at all hun, a disabled / blind child can still have an excellent quality of life. Its a small chance but theres a chance with every person that gets pregnant that there could be some kind of disorder.

Go for it hun, I know you will love & cherish your child so much & that is good enough for me xxx

I'm sorry, what do you disagree with??
I said what I used to feel, and then said that I struggle to feel the same now I have a child...
I did not say she shouldn't have children, I just said I don't know either way....

I didnt agree with this hun:

I've always been of the 'natural selection' group, where people with genetic disbilities shouldn't have children and then we would pretty much eradicate these things.

x x x

 

[mrsT]

Yes - but then I said 'HOWEVER' ... meaning I am different now!
Plus I also said I USED to be of that group!

 

[happy-chick]

Yes - but then I said 'HOWEVER' ... meaning I am different now!
Plus I also said I USED to be of that group!

And I said I DISAGREE with the fact that you USED to be part of that group!!

 

[mrsT]

Fine - Ill go back in time and change!

You actually said at first that you disagreed with ME - which is why I questionned it.

 

[happy-chick]

Fine - Ill go back in time and change!

You actually said at first that you disagreed with ME - which is why I questionned it.

I do disagree with what YOU used to think.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

MrsT....no disrespect but if you didnt come across so confrontationally then maybe you might be able to make yourself more understood?

Happychick has merely said she disagreed with your stated opinion, wether thats an opinion you have now or if it has changed makes no difference.

I could say "Ive always been of the "blue cars are crap" , however now I have one they arnt so bad afterall" and people would still be well within thier rights to say "I dont think blue cars are crap"

See what im saying?

Just because someone disagrees with something you say, dont take it so personally, it is merely a difference of opinion.

From my point of view, even suggesting that you may have felt that way about it in the past is a very risky thing to say as you are inviting disagreement, especially given the subject and the forum, and seems pretty pointless.

 

[mrsT]

Don't worry GGG - I'll keep my mouth shut in future

Apologies for being honest everyone

 

[Sammystar]

I understood it too. She used to feel like that ( ) but now she's seen the error of her ways

I wouldn't let it stop me from TTC. I don't know much about glaucoma, but if you can lead a full and healthy life with it then I would go for it. I can fully understand your concerns though.
Good luck!

 

[libs]

The simple fact of the matter is that neither of you could have any genetically related disabilities or illnesses at all and still have a disabled child.

Your husband quite obviously has an excellent quality of life, even with the operations etc.
As my first child had severe talipes (club feet) I know I have a slightly increased risk of another child with the same. It means years of physio, strapping and up to 4 ops. Am I not going to have another child? Course I am.
My sister is disabled, and is hoping to start TTC within the next few years. She has cerebral palsy so not genetic at all BUT she will be very lucky to carry a pregnancy full term and faces an early caesarean. So a premature baby with a higher risk of disability. She was born 12 weeks early and her twin died at a few weeks from complications at birth. But they fought for my sister knowing she carried a high risk of brain damage. Thank god they did. She's lived alone since 18, went to college, works, has an excellent quality of life even with the operations and medical care she needed.
If a child is wanted, loved and cared for..then they have a great quality of life irrelevant of any disabilities. I'm sure that any child you have, even if they do inherit will tell you they were glad to be born

 

[happy-chick]

The simple fact of the matter is that neither of you could have any genetically related disabilities or illnesses at all and still have a disabled child.

Your husband quite obviously has an excellent quality of life, even with the operations etc.
As my first child had severe talipes (club feet) I know I have a slightly increased risk of another child with the same. It means years of physio, strapping and up to 4 ops. Am I not going to have another child? Course I am.
My sister is disabled, and is hoping to start TTC within the next few years. She has cerebral palsy so not genetic at all BUT she will be very lucky to carry a pregnancy full term and faces an early caesarean. So a premature baby with a higher risk of disability. She was born 12 weeks early and her twin died at a few weeks from complications at birth. But they fought for my sister knowing she carried a high risk of brain damage. Thank god they did. She's lived alone since 18, went to college, works, has an excellent quality of life even with the operations and medical care she needed.
If a child is wanted, loved and cared for..then they have a great quality of life irrelevant of any disabilities. I'm sure that any child you have, even if they do inherit will tell you they were glad to be born

My godson has cerybral palsy due to premature birth & he's brilliant! I love him to much and the fact that he has a disablity doesnt change a thing it makes him even more special!! If he didnt have cerybral palsy then he wouldnt be Dominic! x

 

[Penstraze]

It's a difficult one.

TBH - I've always been of the 'natural selection' group, where people with genetic disbilities shouldn't have children and then we would pretty much eradicate these things.
However, now that I have a daughter and am trying for number 2 I can try and imagine if I had such a condition, or DH did and how I would feel not having children.

I don't have an answer for you, hope you feel better getting it off your chest.

EDIT
**just to clear this up - I am NOT being a cow, I am just saying how I used to feel and that now I have a child I cannot imagine thinking like that anymore...**

Without wanting to cause more tension (I understand you are saying these were your views but arnt now!) I total disagree that by people with genetic disorders not having children these problems will be eradicated totally these things can skip generations and alsorts!
I am the only child of 4 without diabetes yet neither my parents have it or have close relatives with it they had no reason to suspect they had it and when their first child developed it at the age of 3 they had already had another healthy child (me!) and I think at the time were told it wasnt even genetic, when theyre 3rd child developed it at the age of 18months they were very guilty thinking they should have known and not had another child but again were reasured by doctors it was very rare and went on to have another child who was free of diabetes until the age of 9 when he then developed it.
My sister is pregnant at the moment and there is as much chance of her having a healthy child who never develops diabetes as there is of me having a child who has diabetes! I will not, not have children because there is diabetes in my family, I am 100% aware what is involved in having a diabetic child in how it can effect their life and feel that though close personal experience with the condition that if my child has it it will not stop them having a full and happy life or me being able to care for them or give them all they need!

You have close personal experience through your OH of what it is like to care for someone with glucoma the problems they face and he knows first hand how it feels to live with it if you both weigh this up and feel even if your child should have glucoma you can still give it a happy and full life then I think that is all that counts and you shouldnt let other peoples opinions cloud your judgement!

 

[Charlotte & Emily]

I think even considering not have children because of your OH's glucoma (sp?) makes you great future parents!
You shouldnt let things like that stop you from TTC
Its every humans right to have children, (thats why we've got reproductive systems) no matter what 'disabilities' we have.
I really hope you do TTC because you sound like you would make great parents