Opening up about depression, *wish i never bothered*

[Dee1985]

Just looking for some advice from any mothers that have suffered with deppresion and spoken to their GP about it.

i dont no if it is depression but what ever it is i need some kind of help

iv finaly made a hard decision now to see my doctor booked in for 4.10 today. im sick with nerves. this aint like me i would rather suffer in silence then ever tell any one but its got out of hands now.

my sefl estem is 0 its all got to on top now i never slept a wink last night with pure worry and fear. kris is desperate now he cant take it any more. and neither can I.

im so tempted to cancel my doc appointment. what do i say? how do i come out with it i cant just walk in the room and blurt my problems out. how will the doc react?

cant believe its come to this but i cant deal with it alone iv tryed

 

[Vicki83]

I can't speak from experience Dionne, but i saw it in my own mother and just want to say well done for taking the first step and going to see your doctor hun.

You'll get there

 

[Em78]

aw hun i'm sorry you feel so down but you are absolutley doing the right thing and dont you dare cancel the appointment now that you have gathered the courage to make it.

its taken guts to talk about it on here and to make the appointment so be proud of yourself.

sorry i havent got any advice i just wanted to let you know that you have a lot of support on here and so much to gain by getting help with this.

maybe have a look ovewr your old posts on here about your feelings are try to work out how to put it across from them? hopefully someone with experience of depression will have some better advice.

good luck hun

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Dee1985]

Thanks girls your kind words mean so much

 

[Amanda]

Aww Dionne I didn't realise you felt so bad hun.

The others are right in what they say - well done for taking the first step, and don't you dare go and cancel the appointment. The easiest thing is to bury your head in the sand and try to carry on as normal, it takes guts to actually admit there may be something wrong, and to ask for help.

And yes, you can just go in to the surgery and blurt it out to the doctor. He/she is a professional and has dealt with people in your circumstances before, so just go in there and tell it how it is. Don't feel you have to try and justify yourself, just make sure you tell the doc how bad you have been feeling.

I'll be thinking of you.

 

[Dee1985]

thanks tankett

its a doc i have not seen before, but i just asked for her to be female.
what i am really dreeding is i no il cry
iv just sat here imagining what im going to say but i get all upset

i no if i get fobbed of il be devistated

 

[lauramumof2]

Aww Dionne,
Just tell he exactly what you have said here. Can you print it out or write it down. Sometimes the words come easier if you arent actually speaking them.

When I was pg with Joe I didnt feel great, I knew something wasnt right and it wasnt just and 'offday'. I went to the doc and she was great, very suuportive.

You need to tell them everything, doesnt matter that it might not seem significant to you but let them know.

I hope you dont cancel

 

[Keely]

sorry u feel so down hun.

please dont be scared of the doctors they will be great because you are not the first mum with a LO and toddler to go and talk to them about being down.

Just tell them you are veryn down at the min and the doctor will prob take the conversation from there!

hope it helps

 

[Dee1985]

Laura how did you first come out with it? thats what im dreading.
writing it down wouldbe easier i suppose
else i no il go red and feel silly and stutter

 

[Vicki83]

thanks tankett

its a doc i have not seen before, but i just asked for her to be female.
what i am really dreeding is i no il cry
iv just sat here imagining what im going to say but i get all upset

i no if i get fobbed of il be devistated

I think your best bet isn't to plan on what you say hun, once you get in there it'll proabbly all just come out which is the best way i think, then it'll be nothing but what your feeling, if you understand what i'm rattling on about!

Good luck, i'll be thinking about you today

 

[Jo]

Dionne wel done for making the apointment

If you cancel i will come at get you!!

No really, blurt it out as it comes to you thats what i did, even though i tried to be a hard faced cow, i started crying the whole job lot and everything came out in peices.

Is Kris going with you? Ant came with me and it helped loads as the Doc asked him wat i was like as well and if he was worried about me etc...

Don't be worried if he asks you to take tablets i was on them and worried i would space out and not be able to look after Emily, this didn't happen they just helped me sleep much better and then i started being able to focus more and not curl in a heap al the time

Just don't expect miracles hun, they take time, councilling was also suggested to me to help with flashbacks etc... but i din't do that as my family and friends were great to talk to about stuff and how i was feeling etc....

Good luck hun

 

[Dee1985]

No kris cant come hes in work, wish he could though.
il have Dior and Harley with me. last thing i need though is them both playing up

im crapping myself i really am. but i just want to get it over and done with.

im worried that if i admit my TRUE deep feelings the doc would consider me not being fit to look after the kids.

 

[Jo]

Oh no Dionne they would never do that!!!!!!

you have taken the first big step, they will know that, and not dream that you are an unfit mum.

Is there really no one who can watch D & H for you? its gonna be so hard for you anyway and i feel you will get distracted from what you need to say.

If you can't get it all out this time make another appointment for when Kris can come and someone can watch the kids for you.

Tell me to shut upif you think i'm being nosey

Do you think it is a form of PND?
'cos the cause of my depression was something differant completley but the treatments are the same i think

 

[Dee1985]

no your not being nosey lol your being a great help. i dont think its pnd as i have always been this way since having Harley it has got worse though. i would just bottle it up and get on with it, but kris looked me in the eyes last night and said he cant take it any more and wants out
ild be lost with out him so dont want this getting the better of me and taking the most important thing away, My family.

i feel

i have bad anger problems
serve jelousy
and worry over any thing
and hate myself

 

[Jo]

Hun, i 've read your posts on your anger and jelousy before but i'm gonna forget about that for the minute

You need to know you have 110% of Kris's support ( this is why he should really be with you)

You will learn how to put the things that worry you in to a prctical order, write them down if you need in order of importance, this really helpd for me

Back to the jelousy and anger issuses, i have such a foul temper sometimes it's not fuuny( not towrds kids but aimed at Ant)

Once you begin to feel better about yourself the anger and jelousy, especially the jealousy should begin to right then selves, councilling could well be an option for these.

The last thing you want to happen is you get jelous over nothing and Kris think well sackit, i'm being accused so i may as well do!!!!!

Youll end up on jeramy kyle

 

[LucyBee]

Dionne, I think you're being really brave.
I've suffered from depression and still do on and off.
The doctors see loads of people in the same boat - depression is so common now - so he won't be surprised.
Just blurt it out, be honest and don't play it down.
It's a really brave and great step you're taking in going today and we're all behind you!
GOOD LUCK!
Lucyx

 

[gingerpig]

I tihnk you're being really brave, and I also think that the way you're feeling will be effecting the way you're feeling about going to the drs. So dont worry about feeling so daunted by the prospect, that's probably just coming from the problem that you already know about, and that you're starting to address - well done you! I'm new, so I haven't read your other posts, but just going on your justifiable fears, and your sadness that you've expressed in your post, I'm sure your dr will be really willing to listen to you. My mum had PND, and was also depressed beforehand, but pregnancy and giving birth made it worse for her. It lasted for years, sometimes it does that, so dont feel bad about that, that's why there is so much treatment and help for it! After all, after you give birth, all those pregnancy endorphins drain away and you're left with yourself, and a very young person who needs a lot of looking after. It's a huge change of life (as you know much, much better than me), and its hard to find yourself again ESPECIALLY with all those hormones going on. Your dr will have seen it all before, and will be able to suggest ways forward. Anti-depressents etc are very sophisticated these days and can really help, I've seen them help quite a few people without them ending up as zombies, just normal lovely people with a great quality of life. Good luck to you! Let us know how you get on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

No kris cant come hes in work, wish he could though.
il have Dior and Harley with me. last thing i need though is them both playing up

im crapping myself i really am. but i just want to get it over and done with.

im worried that if i admit my TRUE deep feelings the doc would consider me not being fit to look after the kids.

I haven't read the rest of the thread form here, but honestly babe, they won't take you're kids away, I promise you.

I ended up writing to my GP and sending him a letter to explain how I felt, and then he rang me and we made an appointment, my mum came with me and sat with me while I tried to explain. Don't worry about having to have a list of things that you feel are wrong, your GP will ask you lots of questions and make it easier for you.

Making an appointment is the easy bit, going there and keeping the appointment is the hard bit. It makes it more real then. A million things will probably be going through your head when you're sat in the waiting room, but stay there and make sure you see the doc, she's there to help after all. It is sometimes easier to see a GP you haven't seen before, makes it less personal. Have you any thoughts on how you want to treat it? Medication or a councellor?

If you ever need a chat hun, I'm here you know that. I've had PND since Damien was little and I still have it and still feel shit half the time. I'm one for bottling my feelings too and not getting them out. I struggle to talk to people about it face to face, but on the net or when typing seems much easier to me, so it might help for you too babe.

A million thoughts will go through your head about how you feel and how your kids make you feel, it's normal don't worry, I've had all them thoughts too. You think you're a mental case any no-one will understand how depression makes you feel, but I do babe.

Love you to bits Dionne, I'm here whenever you need me. I'm only up the road

 

[chezzabell]

aww hun sorry to hear u are feeling like this, dont canel ur app and iam speaking from expreince i tell u once ur in that room everything u are feeling will just come, and yea u proberly will cry but iam sure u will feel alittle bit better afterwards just getting everything off ur mind and talking to someone who has nothing to do with ur life will help hun honest

thinking of ya and i hope everything goes well for ya try not to worry xxx

 

[sophie]

Dionne i agree with the others, please dont cancel the appointment just go and get it sorted hun, i had PND and i know how u feel its not nice at all, it was so hard for me to go docs but i went an im so glad i did i just sat there and told him how i felt, it felt relieve to actually talk to someone who didnt know me! the longer u leave it the harder it gets.
i really hope u feel better soon u know we are all here to chat.