On a more serious note!!.... some Guidances would be great

[Dee1985]

This is some thing that upsets me alot and i really dont no what to do for the best.

please be nice im sensitive about it, and have never asked befor ebut i trust my friends on here to guide me

basicly Kris has a son he is 5 yrs old and does live in manchester.
Kris and this girl were together for a month and unplanned she became pregnant. the split when she was 4months pregnant. then a few weeks after she gave birth Kris was never able to see the child. he then got sent to prison. the night he came out of prison was the night i met him.
by then his son was 14months old kris told me about him the first night, i asked kris straight. do you see him Kris said no.

i no it sounds harsh but ild never have choose to be with some one with other children. not when i was only 17. mum would have killed me.

to this day kris has seen him once his ex dont want kris seeing him and kris aint interested as there is no bond and kris wouldnt no him if he walked past him...

so now to the serious bit.
(just looking for guidence)
im so confussed about it all and what best for every one, i no whats best for me. but i dont want any one getting hurt.

i dont want me telling my kids but kris ex never telling her son then him finding out that the man he thinks is daddy is not daddy?


please give me some advice its eating away at me

i want my happy family just me kris Dior and Harley.

half brothers and sisters just are not known in my family my mum and all her sisters are all with their first partners and its all iv ever known.

wish i could just forget about it but im affraid it wil come back and bite me

 

[Xena]

I think you are gonna have to tell them hun - when they are slightly older though of course. When they are both old enough to be sat down and told and understand.

It's their brother....okay only half, but he's their flesh and blood.

If they grow up, and somehow they find out about him, I'm almost certain they will be pissed off that nobody told them all these years that they have a brother. It will cause a lot of heartache if that happens.

It's your decision though, but I know that if I had any kind of sibling, I would want to be told about them.

 

[K X]

You know I love u 2 bits hun, so take what I am about to say in the way its meant-not a target at you.

Surely this little boy has as much right to know his daddy as much as Dior and Harley? I know it's hard if there is a previous child involved but just remember how you would feel if Kris never seen or spoke to Dior and Harley.

My view is a stern one as my dad pissed off out my life and left me when he met someone else and had another daughter, and it's as if me and my sisters are wiped out cause he has another daughter. So maybe I amn't the best person to air my view.

I would tell the kids when they are old enough to understand. Cause it's always better coming from you as opposed to finding out from someone else.

 

[Dee1985]

yes i totaly agree about this little boy knowing his daddy, and he does have as much as a right as Dior and Harley but then ild never be a selfish mother and stop my children seeing their dad just because he hurt me. but kris left this girl when she was pregnant so oviously she was very hurt and has refused kris to see the child kris was a wild lad back then. hes seen him twice wouldnt no him to look at kris feels nothing there, so he says and his ex dont want kris there. so that part of it has nothing to do with me. and the mum is as much to blame for not ever letting kris be there. as far as im aware his ex never wants her son knowing about his real dad as another man has brough him up.
kris is happy with that and so is she, all my problem is is wether i have to or need to tell my babies

 

[Strangeness]

My hubby has a son from a relationship way before me think he must be about 6 now. He never sees his son because his ex won't let him. She refused to put him on the birth certificate after she said she would, she didn't tell him he was even born until a week later. She went to the scan and didn't tell him. Everytime he arranged to see him she wouldn't turn up and my hubby would be sat in town for hours waiting and she'd say she forgot or she'd just turn her phone off and wouldn't speak to him for weeks. In the end just before christmas about 4 years ago now he hasked when he could take his presents round and she said never I don't want you near him again. He tried for months but she just refused to answer the door or her phone and basically there was nothing he could do. He was working at safeway so couldn't afford a DNA test to prove he was the dad and now he has got the money it's been so long that my hubby doesn't think it would be fair to his son to have to go through all of this. There's also a chance the DNA test could prove he's not the dad because she was sleeping around so that would be even worse for a 6 year old to deal with. Yes people from the outside will always say how awful a dad he must be just to leave it but they don't know what they've been through so can't judge. If he ever wants to see his dad when he's older we'll welcome him completely.

Anyway when Aaron is old enough to understand we'll tell him about it all so we can prepare him just incase he ever comes knocking on our door. To be honest I think she'll probably have another bloke anyway and he's grown up thinking he's his dad. For me personally as horrible as it is it's a lot easier not having him around but if he ever came back I would welcome him because it's not fair to ever interfer in a parental relationship. We just don't know what he's been told by his mum so we won't know if he'll ever turn up. It's amazing how much this happens!

To be honest hun I would tell them when they are old enough to understand. If you keep it a secret it can bite you on the bum at some point. I know how you feel though I was also 17 when I got with my hubby and had a the same thing to deal with.

 

[Dee1985]

every thing you say sounds like the situation we are in, i have spoke to kris about it and said he is your son so any thing that belongs to you i will love. but kris was alot to blame getitng sent to prison for a yr. and understandable his ex didnt want kris to just come into his life after a yr. it was he same with the birth ect kris was never told the sex for a few weeks ect.
but the difference is now that kris has gave up and has admitted he knows nothing of his son other then he was born by c-section and his birthday. dont no his address birth weight what he looks like. kris says he dont see him as his son.

i suppose i will have to tell my kids. i no this sounds very strange but if i didnt i think ild be petrified every time Dior got a boyfriend as there is only 4yrs between her and kris son

do yo think when or if i tell them they will just brush it off or want to no more and go looking ect? i wouldnt want them to go looking just incase this little boy knows nothing?


but its noce knowing im not alone Strangeness

 

[K X]

U know im here 4 u no matter what. U've got my no xxx

 

[Dee1985]

U know im here 4 u no matter what. U've got my no xxx

no i havnt now. i changed my ohone lost all my numbers i did have a name saved as K but i did text u... but my mate kelly text back lol wrong number... so pm me it again x x x

 

[Strangeness]

I think when you tell them they will also be old enough to understand that maybe he won't know about his dad. I think they will respect what you and kris tell them about him and that maybe it isn't a good idea to go searching for him. If he knows that kris is his dad it's more likely he'll want to find him at some point in the future.

I find it quite scary that at some point in say 10 years a child could turn up on my doorstep asking for his dad. But I'll be there for my husband (also a Chris haha) and respect whatever he chooses. All my hubby really says about it is if he turns up he has to respect that he's moved on and we're his family so he'll have to get used to us being around.

Chris has said the same about his son, because he doesn't see him he doesn't feel like he's his son. Whenever anyone asks him how many kids he has he says one because he doesn't feel right saying about his other son. It's a really hard situation that I think they'll always think about. I try not to talk about it too much to him unless he wants to because I think it stirs up things he doesn't want to remember. A few months ago we saw his ex and son when we went shopping and my husband actually said he felt nothing which is awful but a lot of that I think was to do with his ex rather than his son.

It's really difficult hun because I really don't know how I will tell Aaron when he's older but he will know about it before he has a chance to turn up. I just think kids should know about things like this because if they do turn up they are prepared. I'm rambling now!

 

[Dee1985]

your not rambling it all makes good sence and has encouraged me knowing that other people have this situation too.

im silly and nasty though as i get jelous about it knowing him and a girl have a child together

i suppose il no when the time is right and i suppose im lucky that Dior and Harley will be a similer age and can be told together and have each other to talk to about it ect

 

[Strangeness]

It's not silly hun! I hate the thought of my husband having a baby with another woman. It's such a personal thing to a woman so you want to be the only woman to have your partner's babies. Sometimes it eats me up inside but then I think well he ain't making any effort to be with her and hasn't for years. He tried for his son but she was such a cow to him that any feelings he had have gone. You're the one with two gorgeous babies by the man you love and he's still there standing by you and loving you all more than anything in the world