November to November.... My Story...Feeling Confused.

[Corrinne37]

... Goodness what a year.
Don't know why Im writing this thread really, just feel like I need to write my feelings down.feeling confused

1st November last year I got the shock of my life at my 12wk scan, my baby had died.
I had no idea. Having already a son who then was only 18mths. I just thought everything was going to be the same as it had with him. I had no signs, no bleeding, still had sore boobs,but my baby had gone.
We started ttc again the next month. I had fallen pregnant quickly with my son and with this last pregnancy so thought the same would happen again. But It still hurt so much inside and I couldn't believe how it had affected me, took a while to get my head round it all.
And I couldnt fall pregnant!!
How had it been so easy before. Each month I got my period, it was like my heart bleeding, a twist in the wound, a reminder of what I didn't have. My grief feeling stronger.
By May I was beside myself,I needed support and found this forum, it was great to have others to test with and see how many others were struggling on this journey too and how lucky I had been to fall pregnant with my son so easily, and so so lucky to have him. I was very naive to the pain of trying ttc.
Beg of August I got my BFP! Yay! But history repeated itself and the exact same thing happened again. I only found out a bit earlier as i went for an earlier scan, all that hurt and pain rolled up and thrown as hard as you like straight back in my face, knocking me back down to the floor.
Now I just feel so cold in the middle, I feel cold towards my OH, I have no motivation for BD'in, and this is obvs reflected in my body as physically I have no CM, dry , dry dry!
Do I need counselling? Or just more time?
Has anyone else had this ?just feeling cold and distance after MC?
The thought of being pregnant again petrifies me, Ialso feel Im getting to old and running out of time. xxx

 

[dyscochick]

first and second yes I really think you could benefit from talking this through with someone. Loss is different for everyone and you have two big losses in a short period of time and with a LO already probably no real time to focus on that or your relationship. Time might help but maybe so will being proactive.

 

[netty]

aww hunny maybe councellign would work for you to help you reconnect they way you used to be. Its hard not to have a negative opinion on everythign when something so precious is taken from you, cognative behavioural therepy works for me as it helps you see how your brain associates certain things and helps you kind of rewire yourself into a better way of thinking

Hope you get through this hun xx

 

[CARNAT22]

... Goodness what a year.
Don't know why Im writing this thread really, just feel like I need to write my feelings down.feeling confused

1st November last year I got the shock of my life at my 12wk scan, my baby had died.
I had no idea. Having already a son who then was only 18mths. I just thought everything was going to be the same as it had with him. I had no signs, no bleeding, still had sore boobs,but my baby had gone.
We started ttc again the next month. I had fallen pregnant quickly with my son and with this last pregnancy so thought the same would happen again. But It still hurt so much inside and I couldn't believe how it had affected me, took a while to get my head round it all.
And I couldnt fall pregnant!!
How had it been so easy before. Each month I got my period, it was like my heart bleeding, a twist in the wound, a reminder of what I didn't have. My grief feeling stronger.
By May I was beside myself,I needed support and found this forum, it was great to have others to test with and see how many others were struggling on this journey too and how lucky I had been to fall pregnant with my son so easily, and so so lucky to have him. I was very naive to the pain of trying ttc.
Beg of August I got my BFP! Yay! But history repeated itself and the exact same thing happened again. I only found out a bit earlier as i went for an earlier scan, all that hurt and pain rolled up and thrown as hard as you like straight back in my face, knocking me back down to the floor.
Now I just feel so cold in the middle, I feel cold towards my OH, I have no motivation for BD'in, and this is obvs reflected in my body as physically I have no CM, dry , dry dry!
Do I need counselling? Or just more time?
Has anyone else had this ?just feeling cold and distance after MC?
The thought of being pregnant again petrifies me, Ialso feel Im getting to old and running out of time. xxx

It's been a very stressful year for you hun, so I am guessing you just need a little more time to come to terms with things.

It wouldn't hurt to speak to a professional (if you feel up to it - some people are dead against therapy but I know others that swear by it). You would probably have to go private though? Sadly the NHS doesn't think us women that have M/c's deserve free counselling. I am not digging out the NHS by the way, they have been fab with me in the past but I see from other peoples experiences that the 'aftercare' is not very good.

Try not to be so hard on yourself, what you have been through would take it out of anyone (emotionally and physically)

Just keep the lines of communication with your OH open so he doesn't feel pushed aside?

As for being pregnant again - as you know already every pregnancy is different so who is to say your next one won't be perfectly healthy? It is scary to think about the future BUT we also need to have that little bit of hope

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Daisy2011]

Sounds like youve had a terrible year.
Im not surpised that you are conflicted about being pregnant again after the heartache of seeing two lost babies.
Its not to late the figure show that the average age for a last baby is 40.9 years. You have shown that you can carry and concive and those are positive things. Who knows why you have miscarried - did they do any genetic testing or give you any guidance about it?
If they have not given you any reasons why you lost them then there is no reason not to try again.
But you have a little bit of time to recover and heal the terrible wounds your losses have left.
I cant bear councilling as mine have been pricks but you obviously need to talk over this with someone who has been trhough simular. Perhaps there is somone on the forum who you could visit for a good old heart to heart who has been through simular. I saw that the miscarriage association have local groups to go to have a talk over things to

http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/support/how-we-can-help/


Just want to send you hugs and hopes that you can feel better soon and complete your family.
Love Daisy

 

[Corrinne37]

Thanks ladies so much for taking the time to write,
like I said just felt I needed to write down my feelings.
I think the verdict I just feel too scared to try again at the moment, I keep thinking cant wait for first af, cant wait for fertile period to try again, but Im just not ready yet to try again.
I cant bear to go through it right now, trying and witch getting me or a BFN or even BFP - Im not ready for any of it.

Thanks so much Daisy, I may well look into the miscarriage association, I have a hospital appt in a cple of weeks so Im hoping they can give some answers.

Good luck everyone with trying, esp those who are trying again after a loss, sorry ive not been on here loads to give support, maybe ill be strong enough soon to join you all. xxx

 

[Tanya4beauty]

Oh hunny just wanted to give you and to let you know we are always here for you. Hope you start feeling a little bit more positive soon, it will take time but you WILL get there! Xxxx

 

[Sunbeam638]

Ah I have just read your post, it's a really hard thing to go through and no matter what anyone else does or say it's very much something that you are clouded by everyday.

Support and talking to someone might help make sense of why you are feeling the way you do, sometimes it takes more than just "time" to get over such a difficult time like this. Everyday is a reminder because it's your body and very personal to you.

I hope you feel better soon, I'm don't know much abort depression but what you have been through can certainly trigger a depressive state of mind and maybe you need to get support to help with this period your going through.

Big hugs xx

 

[k8_005]

Hugs iv no advice but didn't want to read n run xx

 

[Corrinne37]

Just think it was my hormones making me so emotional again, had 3 days of exceptional heavy bleeding and clots ,hopefully body having a good clear out and returning to normal.Feeling much better now,Ill be fine, and third time lucky. Onwards and upwards, keep fighting the good fight and all that. I wont get depressed im too strong, here here!! Thanks ladies. xxxx

 

[netty]

just wanted to say hi and give you virtual hugs hunny xxxxxx keep strong

 

[Corrinne37]

just wanted to say hi and give you virtual hugs hunny xxxxxx keep strong

Thanks Lynette,
same to you, hope your doing ok? xxx